Can you relate?

elleh08

Hi Ladies,

So I am getting down to crunch time with only 2 months away and I this weekend I was running around like CRAZY doing wedding stuff, from 8 in the morning until 9 at night! While one the other hand my fiance spent the weekend sleeping in until 11am... taking naps and playing video games with my Dad... and I just kind of felt under-appreciated... do you girls ever feel like this? I mean I'm happy to do all this stuff and its not stuff my FI could do but its just like man I worked ALL weekend and now its back to work while my FI took naps.. I just wish I felt more appreciated because its not like I am just doing all this for me, I'm doing it for us and so OUR day is amazing... ugh.. well thanks for letting me vent a little...

Archel

hmmm...I can't relate, because honestly, it's usually the other way around in our household, lol! I like my sleep...but maybe that will change when we're 2 months away, you never know.

Anyway, I have felt underappreciated sometimes. I usually act all passive aggressive until FI figures it out (not the best way to handle it, I know). But he is pretty intuitive and catches on, then we have a discussion about it. So just let him know and tell him what you would have liked him to do.

BrandyL10

I'm sorry! I seriously think some guys don't understand what it takes. And when they do, you're already at the altar and they're like, whoa. So I really don't know what advice to give except you could talk to him? If it's something that you believe is a big problem. But it sounds to me like you needed to vent more than anything, we're listening!!

Tygirljojo

Yup, I totally feel that way.  A month ago I gave FI a list of 10 things I needed him to complete for the wedding in the next couple months.  His response? "That's a lot."  My jaw dropped.  I really wanted to ask "Would you like to trade?  Mine's ten times that size!" 

FI doesn't understand the stress and on one end, I understand, sure he doesn't need/want to do a wedding, but at the same time, biggest reason we are doing the wedding here vs. a DW is so both our families can afford to attend.  So, it's not JUST for me!  Maybe give him a list of some items you need help with so he can squeeze it into his schedule of shooting up aliens or vanquishing wizards?  *hugs* It's frustrating, I know.  And yeah, as FI puts it, sometimes I do just want a freaking pat on the back.

sarack

Yes, I totally feel that way sometimes. I ask FI to run wedding errands with me or to go to Michaels with me so he can buy stuff with coupons and so can I.. and he kinda gets an attitude. Guys definitely don't realize how much work we're doing for these weddings. I made a comment to FI this weekend that I wondered if he could pull this wedding together. He said he could if he liked all this girly stuff.. right..

on the flip side, I overheard him talking on the phone to one of his friends. I was working on invites and they were frustrating me. He says to his friends, "my FI is working on our invites, she is doing them all by hand and working so hard on them. they are really cool"

That made my day.

I don't think your FI realizes its irritating you. I'd assign him some duties. FI has duties but they are things that he doesn't have to do yet. But at 2 months.. i have a feeling I'll be QUITE irritated with him.

GL! Things will get better and it's almost the big day!

alyssa324

oh I completely feel that way.
 
I stay home all day so should be able to handle it all and do everything right??.......uhhh yeah right. Nap times are my only free times,  well after 8:30 when they go to bed are too. That is actually my main time of doing things. So I end up staying up till 12 every night. I will be so tired but of course he is always way more tired than me because he works. He actually will gladly help with anything I ask but he feels I shouldn't have to ask much. Not to mention I am an artist so he thinks I should be able to make, design, whatever everything by myself.

Well this attitude always comes with staying at home. No matter how much of the decision you made together he will always work harder

jennuinne

FI works Fri and Sat night, and sleeps all day Sat and Sun.  So, I can't get mad at him for napping.  But, he does have a lot of free time during the week (whenever he's not in class) and I do get irritated that I work all day and he doesn't do more stuff. 

I've tried to give him tasks for the wedding, but he never does them.  Its more stressful than to just do it myself, so I do.  I do make him come to vendor meetings which he has, but whines a bit.  And I've taken him to Michael's and JoAnn's once or twice, and then he really whines.  And, like tygirl said, we are mostly having a wedding here, rather than Hawaii, so his family can afford to attend.  He's excited about the wedding and everything we've planned, but does not help at all.  Its like pulling teeth.  And, we're paying for it mostly ourselves and I feel like I'm the only one setting aside money.  Men!

dbraulik

Yep I can completely relate. We are 33 days away and I think FI magically thinks all these tasks are going to get done.  MEN!!!

jennlin

i think this is perfectly natural...wedding planning is usually "a girls thing" (sorry niq), and i don't think the guys want to make any major decisions..just help out when they are asked....from polling my own friends..it's always "whatever the bride wants anyways"..and the guys don't really care how their wedding turns out, as long as she is happy...so they don't want to interrupt....at least that's what i gather.

morganyuly18

I can relate, my FI doesn't really have any desire to help. When we first got engaged he was full of ideas and excited and now that we are only 2.5 months away he has lost steam.. but i realized as the planning started picking up speed, I didnt really want him to help! He would be lazy and not help and I would say something, so he would try and after an hour or so, I tell him to go back to playing video games, not because of his attitude or anything.. but *training* slows me down!