I need kid halp

PMeg819

DS is having issues at night with sleeping. I put him into bed every night at 8 pm. No real deviation from time for the most part. At 7:30 we start the bed time routine- brush teeth, clean diaper, pajamas, and then we read books in his room. He gets a cup of water, then it's lights out.

For the last few weeks, every night he'll get out of bed and play. Sometimes he turns the lights on. Last night he figured out how to open his door. DH or I will go in, tell him no, put him back into bed, and turn the light off. Last night this went on for about 2 hours before at I finally just put him into bed with me. He was asleep in 15 minutes. Obviously, him sleeping with me is not an option. He needs to learn to stay in his bed.

I thought about putting the crib back, but the reason we transitioned to the toddler bed was that he could get out of it. Short of just tying him into bed- any suggestions?

He woke up at 6:30 am. 8.5 hours is not enough sleep for him and he spends the first half of daycare being a crab. I'm pretty sure our sitter is starting to hate us.

tawillers

How long has it been since the transition?

DD1 realized her freedom about 6 months after we put her in a toddler bed.  It was like all of a sudden she realized she could get out of the bed.  So she'd get up and play.

I'm assuming there's nothing in his room that's going to hurt him, right?  We took everything out of her room except her dresser and a few soft toys.

We'd tell her to go back to bed, and she would, but after we go to bed, we didn't know if she was up or not.  Eventually the newness of it all wore off and she just sleeps at night now.

Once she started opening doors, we put up a baby gate in her doorway.  We can't have her running around the house or out the front door in the middle of the night.

6again

What happens if you don't put him back in?  Will he eventually get in himself and go down?  6let will sometimes mess around for a bit before going to sleep.

Does the toddler bed have a side rail?  Maybe that would be enough to make him think he can't get out.

I know it sucks, but personally I wouldn't put him in bed with me.  I'd just keep turning off the light and putting him back in.

Maybe DG has some insight though.

PMeg819

Yeah, I'd say it's been about 10 months since we transitioned. We never had this problem, but you're right- it's been like a light bulb has gone off and he realizes that he can still play, parents be damned.

The only thing in his rooms is his dresser and a bin that has books. Other than that there isn't much else. We do have a noise machine in there, and he doesn't touch that. His favorite thing to do is take all his clothes out of the dresser. I'd put the dresser in the closet, but I'm afraid of him trying to open the doors in the dark and getting hurt.

PMeg819

If I don't put him back into bed, he keeps playing. He won't police himself enough to eventually get into bed- he just gets bored and starts asking to come out.

tawillers

It was something we didn't push too hard or fight with her about.  If we heard her get up to play, we'd let it go unless she got noisy.  Then we'd tell her to go back to bed.

She still gets up occasionally, but she always ends up in bed asleep.

runpipparun

I would try to wear him out before bed. Go for a walk around the neighborhood in the evening or just play. A worn out kid will be too exhausted to run around. Also, make sure you aren't inadvertently loading him up with sugar anywhere.

RebeccaB88

When FI's son was having trouble with this, I read that Dr Phil's method (I think it was him maybe) was just to keep putting them back in bed. Over and over. However many times it takes. If it takes 6 hours, you keep doing it for 6 hours. If they have a fit, they have it and still get put back in bed.  No other conversation besides getting in bed and going to sleep.  Just repeat the procedure until the kid gets tired of it and falls asleep. Giving up and putting him in bed with you, or letting him get back up, just teaches him that if he's persistent enough, he will eventually get his way.  Just once is enough to ruin all of it.

FI's son tried his patience with this to the point where he added a spanking to the mix - free pass the first time, then a spanking each time he had to enter the room until he got it.  This, of course, doesn't work if you're a non-spanker.  This kid is also a natural-born night owl, so it got better when he moved his bedtime a little later.  He's still tired at school, though.  That'll be an ongoing problem.

transcriber87

OH MY GOSH! I TOTALLY am there with you! Just converted my DD bed into a toddler bed, well, its been almost 2 months now and its the same thing every night! We have the same routine also, quiet time watching TV with me in my room, then 8 is bedtime because I have to get her up at 7:30 and she doesn't really nap at daycare.  I get so frustrated sometimes! After I get her to bed is when I finally have time to do my schoolwork and it seems I can't get that done for being up and down, up and down..she needs this or that, she is scared or thinks something is under her bed.  I don't know if its her age (she is 3) but it all started when the bed was changed..Sometimes I get up at 7 in the AM and she is in there already awake and playing in her bed..I know she isn't getting enough sleep and I know all kids need different amounts..she has been one that from day one can get by with little sleep but there is hell to pay in the evenings! I wish I had an answer for you but am looking for one myself! Good luck!

DG1

I think I have read every word ever written on the subject. Over the last 2+ years, we have tried:

• *putting them back in bed over and over and over. (the supernanny way) We quit counting after SIXTY attempts and quit trying a while after that. From what I read, most parents are exasaperated if it takes 20 times, and many report 4-5 times.
• *putting a gate at the door. I'm always amazed that there are kids that old who can't get over/under/through gates. Mine have been knocking down gates since they were about 12m old. If I put it flush with the floor, they just reach over and open it. If I put it high enough so they can't reach over, they crawl under the damn thing. (We have slider locks on all of the exterior doors, 6+ feet off the ground, so they can't actually get outside.)
• *Progressive exit (not the right term - I think this is an Elizabeth Pantley approach) where you start one night sitting right next to the bed, then sit farther and farther away from the bed each night until you are out of the room. H did this over a SIX MONTH period (as in, it took him six months to move 8 feet, and he was still not fully outside of the line of sight) and declared it a success. I declared it bullshit. He still maintains he worked wonders and I destroyed it all on nights when I was alone with them. 
• *Sitting next to them and holding hands until they fall asleep. Apparently most kids fall asleep within 5 or 10 minutes. Mine will stay awake for an hour or more, even like this.
• *offering rewards (sticker chart, X number of stickers = bigger reward) if they go to sleep by themselves. When they ask me to stay, I say, "If I stay, you don't get a sticker!" They say, "I want you to stay anyway." Maybe we just haven't found the right reward, but seriously, IDK what else to offer. That one seems tough to me, because the reward (sticker, toy, candy, whatever) given in the morning is pretty disconnected from the actual positive behavior. 
• *Explaining that going to sleep will make you run faster and ride your bike faster the next day. This works sometimes, but I swear, they actually CAN'T fall asleep. Dex really truly tried the other night and came out after an hour begging for help to fall asleep.
• *Wearing them the hell out. The first time Dex voluntarily went to sleep, it was after he had spent about 12 hours playing outside in 95-degree heat. We kept him well-hydrated and all that, but really, there is no way I can make them THAT tired every day.
• * Letting him stay up as long as he was quiet and stayed in his room. Left to his own devices, he once stayed up until 1am, when we finally gave up and made him to go sleep through some other horrible method like rocking or holding hands or whatever. Mostly, he would move his bed all around, usually closer to the bookshelf so he could reach stuff on the top shelf. 
• * Benadryl. Only when it's indicated for other reasons, but I sure as hell take the opportunity to give it to them close to bedtime if I can. Guess what? This usually doesn't work for us, either.
• * Melatonin. Many many parents have sworn to tme that this worked wonders for their kid when nothing else would work. I tried it twice after the pediatrician OKed it and saw no real effect. To me, that's not enough data. To H, this was a huge trust violation because he doesn't approve of giving the kids "brain-altering chemicals," even if the pediatrician suggested it all on her own. 

We have not tried:

• *putting a slide or chain lock high on their bedroom door. That's a fire concern for me, though I would be OK with it as long as the parent unlocks it after the kid falls asleep. Door damage is a factor to weigh if you ever want to sell your house.
• *Cutting the door in half and locking it from the hallway side. The top half can swing open for light or air or whatever if the kid needs/wants it. Again, fire issue, but also requires total destruction of a door. 
• *Letting them sleep in our bed. We have been 100% consistent about this. They can come into our bed if they wake up in the night, but they must start the night in their own beds. They'll go through phases where they'll STTN in their own beds for weeks, then a few weeks when they wake up almost every night and come into our bed. Really, I wouldn't give a sht, but they wouldn't be able to fall asleep well in our bed, either, and we don't need to be tiptoeing around just to brush our teeth before bed.

One thing about the gate and locking the door is that hazards inside the room become an issue. We would have had to take out EVERYTHING except the mattress on the floor. No books, no bookshelves, no dresser. We also would have had to deadbolt the door to his closet and to his bathroom. At that point, one has to wonder if it's more ridiculous to do all of that or to just stay in there and hold his hand for an hour.

So yeah, those are all things you can try, and they might work for you. Ferber and Pantley and Weissbluth all have advice on the topic, and I do recommend at least reading those to pick and choose what you want to try. Also online sources like Babble or just supernanny.com (or whatever).

GL.

DG1

sorry for the wall-o-text. I promise it was actually properly formatted when I wrote it. 

Dear Knot, do not put a bullet point option in the compose window if you don't intend to make it work.