Must. Not. Kill. Fiance. (rant)

kd137108

Here's the situation: My fiance and I are both 21 and graduated high school in 2009 (high school sweethearts). I'm graduating college (undergrad) on June 9th and he's supposed to be graduating (undergrad) next summer. So the plan was to get married Summer 2013 after he graduates. Now it looks like he won't be able to graduate until the 2014 because his school (OSU) is screwing him out of registration for series classes.

His mom has offered us money for the wedding but will only pay if we both graduate college. So now I don't know when I'm getting married. Its stressing me out! And my sister/matron of honor (whose living in Germany for 3 years) won't get off my back because she needs to know when to plan to come home (which is understandable but annoying).

I know this isn't his fault (even though I think he could/should talk to professors about getting their approval for attending class) but I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder and social anxiety and this is stressing me out!!! He said he should be able to find out this summer when he'll graduate but that's not helping me much... My jaw's locked twice this week!!

James Girl

Take it easy... Really! You're very young still. Distract yourself somehow and don't drive yourself bananas. (I myself recently started swimming.) the important thing is finding the right man, not having the "right" wedding. Be glad for the extra time, as most people wish they had more.

Laurenbiz

First, I feel super old. We haven't set an exact wedding date yet, but I'll be at least 28 by the time we get married, and Justin will be at least 31! 

I actually see your obstacles as blessings in disguise. It's okay - and actually GOOD - that you're not being rushed with planning. I've attended weddings that I know were scheduled very quickly and on a whim, and well, it showed. With a long engagement, you have ample time to make all the plans correctly! I think that's great.

I know there are breathing techniques, meditation and some other remedies to help with generalized anxiety and SAD. Make sure to use those. Wedding planning is supposed to be fun! 

*Barbie*

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_must-not-kill-fiance-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:1d3e2423-7efc-42e6-859a-e9d1e3f5469ePost:d464972b-6902-49ea-9033-df0f080bbf40">Must. Not. Kill. Fiance. (rant)</a>:
[QUOTE]Here's the situation: My fiance and I are both 21 and graduated high school in 2009 (high school sweethearts). I'm graduating college (undergrad) on June 9th and he's supposed to be graduating (undergrad) next summer. So the plan was to get married Summer 2013 after he graduates. Now it looks like he won't be able to graduate until the 2014 because his school (OSU) is screwing him out of registration for series classes. His mom has offered us money for the wedding but will only pay if we both graduate college. So now I don't know when I'm getting married. Its stressing me out! And my sister/matron of honor (whose living in Germany for 3 years) won't get off my back because she needs to know when to plan to come home (which is understandable but annoying). I know this isn't his fault (even though I think he could/should talk to professors about getting their approval for attending class) but I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder and social anxiety and this is stressing me out!!! He said he should be able to find out this summer when he'll graduate but that's not helping me much... My jaw's locked twice this week!!
Posted by kd137108[/QUOTE]

why dont you wait to start planning your wedding until after you graduate, both have jobs, and are able to support yourselves?

what's the big rush?

NOLABridesmaid

I remember 31.....

Heffalump

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_must-not-kill-fiance-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:1d3e2423-7efc-42e6-859a-e9d1e3f5469ePost:056a13e7-2f66-4726-a009-14125ee650e8">Re: Must. Not. Kill. Fiance. (rant)</a>:
[QUOTE]I remember 31.....
Posted by NOLABridesmaid[/QUOTE]

Amen.  ::polishes bifocals::

Laurenbiz

Barbie makes a good point. I think you may actually enjoy the whole wedding planning process much more after college. I sure wouldn't have wanted to plan a wedding while I wa in college! Talk about super stressful! I'm not implying to put your wedding on hold, but I think you'll have fun planning if you just do it when you find free time! 

Your degrees need to be your top priorities right now. 

Yes, I sound like mom. I graduated college in 2008, so I think I am allowed to sound like mom! :-)

mdeidre

Well, I'm 39 and a half and still unable to get a wedding date planned.  I understand your impatience, I really do, but I agree with the pps that you really have to learn to relax and let this go before you have some serious problems.  I saw your diagnosis, have you spoken to your therapist about all of this?  That's what they get paid for.  Also, are you on meds?  Do you take them correctly?  They should be helping you stay a little more even.  If you're locking your jaw up and stressing like this, it's time to discuss their effectiveness.

Also, you can't make people do stuff they don't want to do, so trying to force your FI to talk to the people he needs to talk to is probably going to have the opposite effect of making him refuse to fdo it and dig his heels in.  Some of the stress can be gotten rid of by refusing his mom's money and taking away her attempt to assert control.  That's one less stressor.