DIVA BRIDESMAIDS! HELP!!

cautry22

I have 6 girls in my wedding party and so far through this entire process they have not been helpful! i never expected them to do all the work, but they havent helped me do not 1 thing. They never ask if I need help! None of them have planned my bridal shower or any other party for that matter. Now to top it off I asked the girls to get their hair and make up done because I want them all to look gorgeous and also all look the same. A few of them have told me no because they dont want to look like the other girls! What? I wasnt aware they should have a say so!I dont think its asking much for them to get this done since i paid for thei jewelry and they shoes! I also let them (majority rules style) pick their own dress so that they wouldnt be spending very much, but it seem slike nothing has been good enough. Yet they want to call me a drama queen and a bridezilla because i have asked them to do one simple thing and thats get their hair and make up done. I hate to rant like this, but I am at my whits end! Also I need advice on how to deal with them before I go insane. My bridal party is made up of almost all family (between my sisters and my fiances), but it seems that his sisters are the ones giving me the most trouble yet they were the most excited in the beginning. I just dont know what to do so any advice would be helpful!

palrmt

Your bridesmaids are not require to do any of the things you are complaining about. 

You say you paid for the jewelry and shoes.  If you want them to wear certain shoes and jewelry then you should pay for it.  Otherwise give them some guidelines and trust them.  I told my girls to wear sliver dressy shoes.  I trust their judgement and told them if they already had a pair in their closet they were more than welcome to use those.  As for the jewelry, I found a necklace that I decided I wanted them to wear.  Since I want something specific, I bought it. 

You said they haven't asked you if you need help and haven't helped you do a single thing.  They are not required to do so.  They are also not required to throw you a shower.  It would be really nice of them to do so but it is not required. 

As for the hair and makeup, if you want them to look like mirror images of each other then you need to pay for that as well.  My bridesmaids do their makeup by themselves every day of the week.  I'm sure they will be just as capable on the day of my wedding.  My MOH asked if she could wear her hair down cause she has a birthmark on the back of her neck that she hates.  I would be a pretty crappy sister to say she had to wear it up.  The other 2 girls asked me how I wanted them to wear their hair.  I asked if they had a preference.  They told me no so I cut some pictures out of magazines and told them to use one of those as a guide. 

I will have my regular stylist doing my hair and I told all my girls that if they wanted her to she would be happy to do theirs as well.  One of them is going to take me up on the offer and the other two have decided to do their hair themselves.  I'm not upset at all.  (BTW I am paying for the one who is using my stylist since I don't feel like that should be an expense of standing in my wedding.) 

They are not being diva bridesmaids.  You however are being rather demanding. 

6fsn

palrmt said what I was thinking in a much nicer way. 

alasen

What palrmt said. Word for word.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_diva-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:318987b4-3601-4910-af2b-834cb5b7026bPost:3682caad-f1a2-49e5-95e7-c149b3982901">DIVA BRIDESMAIDS! HELP!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I have 6 girls in my wedding party and so far through this entire process they have not been helpful! i never expected them to do all the work, but they havent helped me do not 1 thing. They never ask if I need help! None of them have planned my bridal shower or any other party for that matter. Now to top it off I asked the girls to get their hair and make up done because I want them all to look gorgeous and also all look the same. A few of them have told me no because they dont want to look like the other girls! What? I wasnt aware they should have a say so!I dont think its asking much for them to get this done since i paid for thei jewelry and they shoes! I also let them (majority rules style) pick their own dress so that they wouldnt be spending very much, but it seem slike nothing has been good enough. Yet they want to call me a drama queen and a bridezilla because i have asked them to do one simple thing and thats get their hair and make up done. I hate to rant like this, but I am at my whits end! Also I need advice on how to deal with them before I go insane. My bridal party is made up of almost all family (between my sisters and my fiances), but it seems that his sisters are the ones giving me the most trouble yet they were the most excited in the beginning. I just dont know what to do so any advice would be helpful!
Posted by cautry22[/QUOTE]

They aren't required to plan your wedding. Pay for their hair. You do sound like a drama queen and a bridezilla.

Good luck!

TLD12

I don't think your being a bridezilla or a drama queen.  We all have had dreams of what our day would be like, and if you can see it not turning out that way then you need to talk to them. 
If you really feel your B-maids need to be identical then maybe offer to pay half, or give them guidelines as to what you want to see, try to compromise with them.  They need to feel beautiful that day too.

If you need help, just ask for it.  People aren't mind readers, and maybe its coming accross to them that you are fine, and have everything under control.

As for the showers and party's, Im sorry I have no advice there.

Bottom line here...communicate what your feeling and expecting from everyone, and try to reach compromises.

I hope this helps, and isn't coming across rude like the other "words of advice" did.

lindseyann410

If you want their hair and make-up done, then you have to pay for it.  

Personally, I think it looks outdated when bridesmaids look identical.

[Deleted User]

Is there a reason you want your BM's to look identical? I'm sure if you sat back and thought about it for a minute, you'd realize you chose them because they are all individuals and love them for who they are, not because they fit into a mold.

As PP's have said, they are not required to help you plan the wedding in any way. If you want help, ask your FI or consider consulting a wedding coordinator if it is within your budget.

Good luck with the rest of your planning!