September 11th Wedding

steveshannon10

Is anyone else getting married on September 11th and found that some people's reaction is totally brutal??  While it may have not been the first date of choice, we did pick it and find that some people have been incredibly rude when we tell them the date.  Someone even asked us if we thought it was bad luck??  I would never ever say that to someone but I guess some people are just tacky!!

tldh

I would have had no problem with getting married on 9/11 but my fiancee, who was in NYC that morning, said absolutely not.  We're getting married the week after.

JennaV26

I've definitely seen other 9/11 brides post about this before. Yes, the date serves as a reminder of something horrific; however there are so many other bad things that have happened on different dates and people don't feel the need to avoid those.

It's definitely poor etiquette for people to openly question your date of choice; however the stigma is still there and whether or not people voice it, many will be thinking it. I guess it just comes with the territory at this point.

mininickle

I agree with the above poster...people don't avoid the date the Holocaust began and no one skips April 20th as their date because it was the columbine shooting. People are just rude and a wedding proves that to anyone that is planning one. I never thought some of the people that have been rude would ever be. I have had people take it apon themselves to invite a guest which at 140 a pop, if we don't know you, you aren't coming.

Have a wedding when you want to have a wedding and if people have a problem with it and express that problem just say "well, we'll have a good memory on that day now, won't we" orrrr if you're more harsh like me "I would prefer you keep your concerns to yourself as I don't want anything to get in the way of my happiness of planning the most important day of my life. People are stupid. haha

steveshannon10

I definitely get your fiance's point - if it was a day that was very personal to my fiance or me we wouldn't have chosen it but because it wasn't we felt okay in doing it.  Thanks for the input!

KatyRoseM

People can be rude, but you should know they are thinking about it anyway.  Many people are uncomfortable with the date, for example my parents who have not done anything for their anniversary since 2001 (it was their 30th, and now doing things seems odd and sad).  People do avoid other dates such as 4/20 but that is mostly in Colorado.  In short, they are going to find it odd, so if a comment slips out I would go with the less rude response of it being a happy thing to remember on the same day for you.  

Some people had stronger reactions to 9/11 than others, and they haven't gotten over it and some never will.  They are rude to point this out (its not like you didn't know this was the date) but maybe you can give them a break as you don't know what it meant to them?

Butter Cookie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_september-11th-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:3868e5f2-c0b6-4008-9a1e-f3b266dc0d22Post:13d14591-d4a9-4407-ac25-1515905d082c">September 11th Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Is anyone else getting married on September 11th and found that some people's reaction is totally brutal??  While it may have not been the first date of choice, we did pick it and find that some people have been incredibly rude when we tell them the date.  Someone even asked us if we thought it was bad luck??  I would never ever say that to someone but I guess some people are just tacky!!
Posted by steveshannon10[/QUOTE]


You're right that's incredibly tacky. What happened on September 11, 2001 was a terrible tragedy, and nothing will ever change the sadness of that day, but I don't personally think there's anything wrong with having your wedding on that date.

LnR70707

I see both sides (though honestly, my gut says you are tacky for choosing that date, but I also realize that is an over-reaction)...it is tacky for people to call your date "bad luck", but it is also tacky of you not to consider how much that date has impacted people within the last decade.

And I'm sorry, columbine didn't hold a f_cking candle to 9/11.

KatyRoseM

"And I'm sorry, columbine didn't hold a f_cking candle to 9/11."

Your right, I was simply commenting that many people do avoid that date, particularly if you are in Colorado and of that age group.  In Colorado I would find it tacky for someone to chose 4/20, too many people lost friends.  9/11 is that on a national and much larger  scale, it changed our lives and had a much larger impact.  However, to those in Littleton or the area people were impacted profoundly.  

Sorry I'm not making sense here.  Basically your right, they should not be compared, but once the comparison was made its important to note that 4/20 had a large impact on many people, and while you may not understand it would be odd for someone to chose that date too.   

LnR70707

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_september-11th-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:3868e5f2-c0b6-4008-9a1e-f3b266dc0d22Post:f691497a-ec81-44af-8170-cce5c4e82d09">Re: September 11th Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]" And I'm sorry, columbine didn't hold a f_cking candle to 9/11." Your right, I was simply commenting that many people do avoid that date, particularly if you are in Colorado and of that age group.  In Colorado I would find it tacky for someone to chose 4/20, too many people lost friends.  9/11 is that on a national and much larger  scale, it changed our lives and had a much larger impact.  However, to those in Littleton or the area people were impacted profoundly.   Sorry I'm not making sense here.  Basically your right, they should not be compared, but once the comparison was made its important to note that 4/20 had a large impact on many people, and while you may not understand it would be odd for someone to chose that date too.   
Posted by KatyRoseM[/QUOTE]

FWIW,  that was not in reply to you, I agree with certain events having a much greater impact on the area in which it occured, and I wasn't trying to minimize anyone's pain, I am very sorry if it came across that way.  II completely agree that it would apply to your area and even beyond.  I have an issue with those that try to minimize the loss of 9/11 (not you, that other girl).

KatyRoseM

I understand, and I hope you know I was not intending to minimize it either.  9/11 was far beyond 4/20, unless you happen to have been there.

Kristin789

September 11 will forever be a national day of mourning.
It's the only specific day of the year every year.
Memorial Day floats so that it can be placed on a MONDAY.
Even a July 4 celebration can be moved to the weekend, when everyone can go to the park and see fireworks.
But September 11 is September 11.  And we are all old enough to remember the horror of that single day.

You have chosen to get married that day regardless.  That's your choice of course.  But with it goes people's reactions and a much smaller RSVP YES list that you hoped for, because many people won't go to a big dinner-dance blowout on the national day of mourning.

Cyncia

September 11th is my dad's birthday so good things happen on that day too, just like your wedding will so to hell with everyone else's input, as my motto in life "TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT"

Blueyed228

Some people have more of a reaction to it because it may have affected them on more of a personal level than others.  I live in Boston and there are alot of people here who lost someone that day, so 9/11 is still raw for them.  That is no excuse for their rude reaction to you by telling you its bad luck.

I would just like to add that the day is not just touchy for people directly involved, its was a tragedy that affected the whole country,  I just meant that for those who lost someone, 9 years may have passed but it is still with them.

You should do what is best for you.  If people choose not to come because of the date, be sensitive to that, but move on.  You will have plenty of others who will be there supporting you and celebrating your day.

irisheyezfsu

yes it is a sad day, a sad reminder but as my aunt got married the weekend after september 11 happened and even though the whole family had to drive to the wedding to be there because of no plane travel that week, we all recently commented now how nice it was after such a tragedy to have something so joyful in our lives. When others were still feeling like life would not get back to normal we thought of how wonderful two people were starting their lives together. 

I personally tell them that you understand their concern and you realize that the day marks a very sad event for our country but that you hope to also bring joy to your family and friends by celebrating with them the new beginning in your life.  You might also want to think of adding a personal touch to the day in remembrance, maybe a moment of silence or american flag on a chair upfront, just an idea. I know for my aunt (though it was days after the actual event) carried two american flags in her boutique as a symbol, we all thought it was beautiful and touching.  

No matter what happens in this world, wars, economic downfalls, sickness, there will always be weddings and babies, and those are things to celebrate!

leilahaustin

If you feel you want that day then by all mean please choose it.  It will end up having a positive memory instead of the bad that so many still remember of this day. 

On a side note I am noticing that people are comparing tragedies around the world.  T"his one is worse then the other" and so on.   Columbine, Holocaust, 9/11 were all tragedies whether you were there or not.  Peoples lives were lost.  Please do not diminish their loss by making comments such as one was worse then the other.

Thank you. 

JadziaDax

When I think of 9/11, I literally feel nauseas because that's how I felt that day in 2001. You have to understand that others may feel the same way and may not realize how their reaction to hearing your date is initially being expressed.

With that said, I don't think it's bad luck. If you and your fiance feel ok with getting married on that date, then go ahead but be mindful of other peoples feelings.

rangerdanger33

Thank goodness...another 9/11 wedding!  We are getting married then and the responses are all over the board when I tell people the date.  If I phrase it as the   11th of Sptember, people tend to not put it together but when I say 9/11 I usually get the standard, head tilt and "awww" followed by a that's nice.  UGH!  I have been blogging my wedding journey and wrote a whole post about how I was taking 9/11 for me.  Yes, I was there and I remember but its another date in history that I will always remember for TWO reasons now.  Happy wedding to you!!!

christyran1228

My FI's birthday is 9/11 ... lots of good things have happened on that day, too.