it's parents' night at harding high. mallory is all nervous for her parents to meet her algebra teacher (math is hard! let's make cookies for the boys!) but alex is sooo excited for his parents to hear about how awesome his teachers think he is. he is especially eager for them to kiss the butt of mr. tedesco, his english teacher because his cousin sits on the admissions board at dartmouth.
sidenote about dartmouth -- sure, it's an ivy. but the thing about ivies is that they are all in new england. do you know what that means in the winter? it means it gets cold enough to snap off your twig and berries, alex p. also, dartmouth doesn't get great reviews on yelp.
anyhoo, elyse goes to mr. tedesco's class. it turns out that HE IS MEAN. he insults a couple of the other mothers (mothers of LOSERS) there, and he tries to shove his way out the door. where is he going, i want to know. anyway, he gladdens pmeg's heart by pushing an eldery woman, and elyse punches him in the face.
when they get home, alex is horrified and now convinced he will never get into dartmouth. (he won't get in because he's from the midwest and has no extracurriculars but that's neither here nor there.) he insists that elyse call mr. tedesco and apologize. she gets on the phone and tries to apologize, but mr. tedesco says something horrible and she ends up saying she knows where he lives and she's coming for him.
inasmuch as elyse has not been arrested for either assault or issuing the death threat, it's now up to steven to smooth things over. he goes to the high school and meets up with mr. tedesco. mr. tedesco greasily accepts his apology, and then starts to make snide sexual comments about elyse, and asking steven if she ever uses whips on him. steven, of course, ends up punching him in the face.
so, instead of seeing the keaton children being taken by social services because both of their parents are in jail, steven and elyse decide the only thing they can do is invite mr. tedesco to dinner so they can reach some kind of detente. mr. tedesco agrees because he wants a free meal (but this is foolishness because there was no promise of cake. hold out for cake, mr. tedesco!).
he shows up for dinner and is told it's chicken. mr. tedesco mentions he had chicken for lunch and then stares the keatons down. (this will be the subject of a follow-up poll).
steven, elyse and he exchange terse words. steven and elyse adjourn to the kitchen to find out what else is in the freezer (proper penguin frozen meals, their hippie idealism), leaving alex alone with mr. tedesco. mr. tedesco shows alex his letter of recommendation, noting that alex is an exceptional student. then he goes on to say he would have been more profuse, had he known what boors had raised alex. mr. tedesco goes on to insult alex's parents more.
elyse and steven come back, having thawed some steaks. alex tears up mr. tedesco's letter of recommendation and throws him out of the house. family hug!
