My wedding drama...sorry a little long :(

ncbaby88

h

Kittuirrel

It's totally okay to have an apparently copycat wedding, in fact, it's a huge compliment!  Sure, no one but you and your guy will know, but it means you're a killer wedding planner.  If you step up and make a noise about it, you'll come out looking immature.  Maybe you and him getting married just worried them that they were taking too long, so now they want to get it done?  You'll have a while between the two for people to forget the little details, and I don't think anyone is going to whip out photo albums and compare.  Also, there are some things you can wait on, like the music/food/flowers (seasonal things), that you can plan just after her wedding day to keep it markedly different.  Maybe you should ask her for a wedding planning fee. 

As far as the dinero, money sucks.  At least you have a good, long while to figure out where the money will come from.  It will be far better for you to not have to rely on questionable sources, and any extra that comes along will be a really useful bonus...honeymoon, maybe?  Remember, it's a gift.  I bet his mum's freaking out even worse than you, with two weddings to contribute to three months apart!  Yipes! 

Butter Cookie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_wedding-dramasorry-little-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:8bde2679-000d-4c26-b7c3-681511d1d83cPost:aee6900c-f617-423a-80ed-29718722729a">My wedding drama...sorry a little long :(</a>:
[QUOTE]I am engaged to be married next October...14 months from now...even though it's a little ways off we are trying our best to pay for eveything as we go and refuse to go into debt over it. My parents are doing what they are able and I appreciate every bit of it. His dad is not really in the picture, but his mom vowed to spend equal amounts on all the children as they got married.

She was the one who brought this up, not any of the kids. His one sister just got married a month ago and she still said she will pay equal amount on all the weddings. On the other hand his other sister (who has been engaged 6 years mind you) decided to finally set a date which happens to be 3 months before ours. Now his mom has decided to tell us I cannot help with anything until after your sisters wedding as she is my priority.

 She is now throwing it in our faces that "traditionally" she would only be paying for the rehearsal. This would not bother us at all had she said this from the get-go. She is going back on her word and even went as far as not showing up to make our deposit on our reception hall when she promised to be there. I wrote the check and put down the deposit myself so as of right now everything we have done has been out of our pockets.

My biggest issue is the fact that she doesn't want to start helping until 3 months before our wedding. Everything should be paid for by then! Also, she has given the sister money in the past to plan 2 weddings (to the same guy) but the sister never followed through and spent the money on other things. Also the sister is now saying every idea I have had has been stolen from her when I have made it a point to not let any details out to her because I knew she would "steal" them.

Because her wedding is first it now looks like we are stealing ideas from her! My soon to be hubby is a huge Duke Blue Devils fan and I love blue so we are doing very classic colors black and white with just royal blue accents. I am sure you can guess what her colors are now. I changed our colors intentionally twice to see if she was really just opying and sure enough!

Also, we are having a photo booth at our reception which she now wants. My personal favorite is when I posted on fb if anyone knows how to make mashups for songs I need a mix of Single Ladies and Move B***h by Ludacris (edited) she commented I hope you aren't planning on using this for your bouquet toss because I already thought of that! WTF! I am so frustrated by so many things and don't even know where to start! Any advice from anyone on dealing with others stealing weddings ideas or mothers who are going back on their word concerning money? Please help!
Posted by ncbaby88[/QUOTE]

I added paragraphs for you, to make it easier for people to read and respond. At this point all you can do is realize that they don't *have* to give you a dime, so unfortunately even though they told you they would give you money you should just pay for things yourself. If nothing else think how satisfying it wil be to say, "Yep, we paid for this whole thing ourselves. Not only that, but we're not even in debt!"

As for FSIL - she sounds a little nuts, to be quite honest with you. If it were me I would keep my information completely under my hat until after the wedding. Still though, no wedding is truly unique and no wedding is truly a copy (because of the couple getting married) so... just plan your wedding, realize you're marrying into a crazy family, and say, as my mother would say, "Fuckem if they can't take a joke"

*Barbie*

did you ever stop and think that maybe your fSIL thinks that you're being a huge b*tch, and is just doing this intentionally to piss you off? stop discussing upcoming weddings with her and you won't have any issues. i doubt she has hired a detective to follow you around and steal "your ideas" so if you don't discuss with her or the family, then she will not know what you are planning. i hope you also realize that you are not the first person to choose colors based on a school/sports team/holiday/etc., so blue and white is not exactly "unique" for all you know fSIL or her husband may also be big Duke (or Penn State or any other school/team with the same colors) fans and picked the colors for the same reason you did.

you sounds like an entitled brat. no matter what anyone "promises," you do not count on money until it is in your hand. if your MIL ends up not contributing a dime to your wedding, that's fine. it's her money and she can spend it how she wants. if you or your husband is bothering her for money or inviting her to meetings so she can pay deposits, just stop, it's rude. You should take pride in paying for your own wedding 100%. (and you never know, while fMIL may not contribute to the wedding, she may give you a very generous wedding present that you could use to replenish your bank account post wedding - won't you feel like an assh*le then?.)

alyssalowe

well that last one was a little snippy huh? anyways. It sucks that the your fmil has done this but let this be a lesson and keep researching things to find the best deals and greatest options of what you can afford with little to no help. if i bought the things i thought i wanted at the beginning of my planning id have a basement full of useless things. and actually three months isnt too bad if she does give you money (dont rely on it) im at four months now and just bought my wedding dress and starting to buy everything i have spend the last six months or so googling the best options and deals. when you are prepared you have a well thought out plan not an excited purchase perhaps regretted especially if you are constantly changing your details because of your fsil.

as for your fsil. STOP talking to her or anyone about details if you dont want them copied/stolen/borrowed. if you want her to do her own thing. tell her you are switching themes because you want something unique to you since you seem to both have the same taste. when she asks what you are doing tell her your not sure. or be a bitc* right back and tell her your doing something like orange and pink and a casino theme (lucky in love) or something crazy and how its the hottest trend right now..post on your facebook thinking of a new way for the wedding and put pics to back the fake theme.. she and everyone else can find out AT the wedding what you really choose.

lharri12

First, you don't own "Single Ladies" as a bouquet toss song.  I'd bet that it is the most popular song to use right now for the bouquet toss.
That said, if I were you, I wouldn't count on your FMIL for any money at this point.  Unfortunately, from what I have read on these boards, parents all too often end up giving less money than they originally offered, so don't count on any money until it's in your hand.  I wouldn't have put down the deposit on the reception venue if I were you because you don't know how much money she is going to provide.  Plan on paying for the wedding without her, and if she ends up helping out, great.  But if she doesn't, then you aren't left with a bill you cannot afford.  Good luck.
Edit: And by the way, I wouldn't post anything on facebook about the wedding.  Not only does that clue everyone in (including FSIL) on what you are planning, but it is rude unless you intend to invite your entire FB friend list.

Lisa8888

Stop your whining.

Your FMIL doesn't owe you a dime. She is offering to give you money.  Appreciate that instead of whining that you want the money sooner.

Apparently you don't comprehend cash flow. Your FMIL needs to pay for her daughter's wedding before yours because her daughter's wedding comes first.

If you don't like it, pay for your own wedding. You are very ungrateful and unreasonable.

And your copycat whining is just childish. Grow up.

Belle2Be

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_wedding-dramasorry-little-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:8bde2679-000d-4c26-b7c3-681511d1d83cPost:e7431f67-ef25-4455-a21f-8fbe52ff058d">Re: My wedding drama...sorry a little long :(</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>First, you don't own "Single Ladies" as a bouquet toss song.  I'd bet that it is the most popular song to use right now for the bouquet toss.</strong> That said, if I were you, I wouldn't count on your FMIL for any money at this point.  Unfortunately, from what I have read on these boards, parents all too often end up giving less money than they originally offered, so don't count on any money until it's in your hand.  I wouldn't have put down the deposit on the reception venue if I were you because you don't know how much money she is going to provide.  Plan on paying for the wedding without her, and if she ends up helping out, great.  But if she doesn't, then you aren't left with a bill you cannot afford.  Good luck. Edit: And by the way, I wouldn't post anything on facebook about the wedding.  Not only does that clue everyone in (including FSIL) on what you are planning, but it is rude unless you intend to invite your entire FB friend list.
Posted by lharri12[/QUOTE]

LOL Right? I just went to a wedding that had that.

OP, whether she told you she was giving you money or not, she owes you nothing.  Pay for it yourself, and quit posting all your wedding details on your FB. Or start posting false wedding plans, colors of red and green, bubble machines and pinatas or something.

ncbaby88

    Ok well first off I don't think any of you actually read the part of my post that said a "mix of Single Ladies and Move B*itch." thats what made it different and I didnt think that it was likely someone else thought of that. The only reason I posted it on fb was to see if anyone knew how to make a mashup. Fortunately I did find a DJ that is taking care of it. My FSIL is a bridesmaid in my wedding just as I am in hers. Thats why she knows a lot of what I am planning and yes she is copying for the simple fact that she outright told me! I'm just dealing with it and at least some people at our weddings will be different. She's opting for a smaller wedding while ours is very large.
    As far as the colors go she has decided she is going to do a lighter shade of blue because she says she doesn't want it to look like a "tacky" sports wedding. Her and her fiancee are not even close to being sports fans of any kinds so I do know for a fact Barbie, that they aren't choosing it for the same reason as us. I have been with my fiancee for 4 1/2 yrs now and have known his family for 10 yrs so I at least know that much, though I really shouldn't have to explain myself to anyone who obviously doesn't know the backstory!
   While I didn't appreciate the personal attack, I do agree with you guys in saying my FMIL doesn't owe us anything. We didn't invite her to anything to pay any deposits, she is the one who volunteered and we were very appreciative. When she didn't show up to the meeting we were both a little hurt especially when we found out she used the money she planned on using for our deposit on FSIL's deposit on her wedding dress. But we have talked about it and decided it's for the best we don't rely on anything from her, that way we don't have to include her in decisions or feel bad if we don't choose her ideas. She also gave me a ridiculously long list of who she wants invited...all which are people we don't know...but she wants them there because she works with them. (she works 2 jobs) Having said that, we don't feel we need to include people we don't know especially since it's us paying for it.