Bride & Groom from two different cities! Where should the wedding be?

beachgurl84

I've been engaged for a year and for multiple reasons unable to plan my wedding until now (budget, work, family issues, etc.).  But it's time now.  I am from Charlotte, NC & my fiance is from Wilmington, NC.  About 4 hours apart. We both have huge families in each of our towns.  And both of us feel that if we didn't have the wedding in our home town only our immediate family would attend.  We want a bigger wedding with more than just that but either way one of us is going to be unhappy with the crowd turn out.  My parents are offering to pay for the wedding if we have it in my home town.  My fiance got really upset about that offer.  Seems like I can't discuss my wedding with anyone without them trying to force their wishes on me.  We can pay for the wedding but is it really going to be worth it?  We're leaning towards having it in Wilmington because I think more of my family would be willing to travel than his.  My fiance is driving me crazy because he's more than willing to have the wedding anywhere, but he's adamant that he'll only have immediate family & closest friends (at most 10 people) if we have it anywhere other than Wilmington which would make me feel terrible.  I even suggested having it halfway between our two cities and he still claims they won't travel the two hours.  I think a lot of my family would travel the two hours as it's not entirely so far away they would have to spend the night.  I have no idea what to do.  I'm tempted to just have it in Wilmington and if my family doesn't want to travel then fine! The bad part is my if my family didn't travel, it would be for health or financial reasons.  His family not traveling is because they're homebodies. I'm probably rambling and making no sense but I have no idea what to think about any of this.  I suggested taking our parents on a cruise and getting married there.  Cutting out everybody but them.  He didn't like that idea either.  If we did get married in Wilmington, my mom would still throw me a shower in my home town.  So I would still kind of get to celebrate with my people.  I'm so confused.......

MinM

We are from two different towns. At the time of our wedding, we were living in a city where we had no family. We had our wedding there, to make it equally difficult for each of our families to get there. We accepted that this would mean there would be some people who would not attend the wedding (my grandfather, one of his sets of grandparens). About this, we were both sad, but we knew it was part of the decision.

Moral of the story: You can't make all of the people happy all of the time. This is your wedding, do what is best for you and your FI and let everyone else make their own decision about it. As adults should be able to do.

arbolita

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_bride-groom-two-different-cities-should-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:9f12b438-fab9-4d7f-8462-c1ca4fa5dda6Post:349fa949-9665-432d-a767-48dc08ffa23f">Re: Bride & Groom from two different cities! Where should the wedding be?</a>:
[QUOTE] You can't make all of the people happy all of the time. This is your wedding, do what is best for you and your FI and let everyone else make their own decision about it. As adults should be able to do.
Posted by MinM[/QUOTE]

Min speaks the truth.  I also don't think either of you are giving your friends/family enough credit as to how far they will go for your wedding.

*Barbie*

the two of you need to grow up and compromise on a location. if you can't make a decision as easy as this, I'd hate to see what happens when you're faced with a serious problem.

get married wherever you live now and be done with it. People will travel if it's important enough (and they are able) to attend. it will be much easier for you to plan if you're local. no matter where you get married, you'll have no-shows, travel or not.

loveshine1

I'm from NJ and my H is from FL.

We had our wedding in FL because that's where we met and that's where we live. We both have extended family from all around the country. Those who could come did.

A 4 hour drive/1 hour plane ride is not going to be a big deal for most people.

beachgurl84

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_bride-groom-two-different-cities-should-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:9f12b438-fab9-4d7f-8462-c1ca4fa5dda6Post:1b4eecee-b0a4-4779-8d3a-ed8d514874dc">Re: Bride & Groom from two different cities! Where should the wedding be?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm from NJ and my H is from FL. We had our wedding in FL because that's where we met and that's where we live. We both have extended family from all around the country. Those who could come did. A 4 hour drive/1 hour plane ride is not going to be a big deal for most people.
Posted by loveshine1[/QUOTE]

We do live in Wilmington which is another reason we are leaning towards that as a location.  I really didn't think a 4 hour drive would be a big deal in the beginning.  Not until my family started fussing about it and my FI started talking about his family not traveling.  It's 4 hours!! And it's not like they have to drive through any major cities that would get congested with traffic.  I make the trip all the time. 

We'll probably end up having it here in Wilmington.  It'll be more expensive because it's a beach town and a popular wedding town, but in the end it would be easiest.  The family I have that's too unwell to travel this far probably wouldn't make it to the wedding if it were in my home town anyway.

kat22885

If you guys live in Wilmington, I would strongly urge you to have it there.  Because it will make YOUR life easier.  Maybe not with the family situation, but at least the planning.  In our situation, I'm from Philly, my fiance is from VT, his parents still live there, my parents now live in Florida.  We live in Rochester, NY.  Decided we would just make people come to us.  The reason I KNOW it will make your life easier to have it where you live now is because for 4 months (Dec 6-April 1) I was living in Cleveland for a new job training program.  And every weekend I came home to plan the wedding and obvioulsy visit.  But during the week, when before December and after April I could meet vendors or check things out after work hours, I was stuck with just the phone.  Sure you can have your Mom do things and it is possible to plan it 4 hours away, it's just that much easier being in the same town.

Queen Jane

We are doing the same as Min and having the wedding in a city that neither of our families live in. This way, everyone has to travel and no one is butthurt or insulted.
Planning from out of town isn't really a huge deal, but I guess that depends on the  kind of person you are. I mean, how many vendors do really HAVE to meet with? I did it all in 2 trips, could have been 1 if I was more efficient. Although it's a good excuse for a mini-vacation...

Anyhow, I would get on the same page with your FI about what you both want and go from there.