I'm at my wits end.
My FI & I have been engaged almost 3 years and it's been drama with my mother since. When we first got engaged she threated to punch my FI in the face and kicked us out of the house (this was during xmas time so we were over there for the holidays) because she was upset about the engagement. He is not the man she intended for me to marry-- he is very dark skinned (and I am very white) and he doesn't come from any money. I'd like to say there was something more to it, but there isn't-- she doesn't really know him, nor does she want to really get to know him.
I have tried to move on from that time, and nobody ever speaks about it. None of my family members even knew I was engaged because everyone tried to keep it hush hush. It really sucked because it should have been a really happy time but it wasn't. But we've moved on and we have finally tried to start making wedding plans.
As you can see, we picked a day for August 5th, 2012 and told everyone about it about a half a year ago. We figured it was enough time for everyone to come around to the idea. Nobody offered help and we didn't ask for it. We were happy to put on the wedding for everyone else and we didn't want or need anyones money to do it.
This week my mother called me and told my that my father is leaving for Afganistan (he's been in the military all my life) and that he will not be coming home for the next 2 years-- he is the chief of a troop. He won't be able to come to the wedding. Instead of my mother trying to help me with the plans, she basically told me to hold off on my wedding plans for another year, saying that if I didn't I was a bad daughter and I'm being selfish. I was really put off by the fact that she thinks my life plans are so easily moved around. Of course I don't want to get married without my father but I also don't want to put off our life plans a whole year-- it doesn't seem fair especially when nobody has been helping us put something together. She told me we are already basically married and a piece of paper isn't going to change anything. I really don't know what to say to that, but when someone tells me to move the wedding I've been dreaming of and finally planning for, it really hurts my feelings.
I tried talking to my father about it but he just said do whatever you want, so I'm in a pickle because nobody really wants to communicate unless I heed to their wishes. How do I fix this? I feel like eloping may be the best option for us, at least for now. Advice? Thanks so much
