Friend overstepping bounds?

clmower

So I have a dilemma I was hoping to get some advice on.  I am pretty sure I already know the answer, but thought I would throw it out there.  Or if anything I guess just vent a little.  I have a friend, who at one time was one of my closest friends, but is now more of an on again off again friend that is bent out of shape I have not included her in my wedding. 

Background: Two years ago (when we were closest), I was her MOH and unfortunately due to her Bridezillaness, our friendship took a horrible hit. (Very long story short)  Since then, we have tried to patch things up, but we have never really been the same.  Some of this is due to lifestyle changes for both of us, and new found friends and interests.  Since her wedding, the only time I seem to hear from her is via a text message or E-mail (once or twice a month) complaining how I have dissappointed her as a friend because I am choosing to spend time not partying with her, but spending time with my daughter and FI.  She has even gone as far as to say that by my choosing to spend time with my family is leaving me misrable.  I have called her multiple times to get no response, inviting her to functions or even something as simple as lunch but get no response... until the "dissapointment" e-mails.  I guess my lower key spending time with friends and family are not quite as exciting as her drinking and partying.

Current: My friend is upset that I have not asked her to be my MOH or for that fact any of my BM.  My BM consist of my daughter, my sister, and a very longtime close friend (whom I have been friends with for longer than I have with the upset one).  Oh I forgot to mention part of why she is upset is that she assumed that she was automatically the MOH because I was hers.  I didn't ask her to be a BM due to our current on again off again status, and that we are just not as close as we used to be.

Was I wrong in not including her?  Should I create a spot for her just to make my life easier?  I think honestly no matter what I ask her help with, it will not be good enough, as she has already complained about every decision my FI and I have maid about the wedding.  One of her biggest complaints was that I was being silly for including my 11 year old daughter in my wedding (funny since she was a BM for hers).  Anyway, any advice out there?  If not that's okay... all in all thanks for letting me vent a little!

Butter Cookie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_friend-overstepping-bounds?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:f2103cfc-6cb3-4f43-87aa-11208fe64e12Post:522d929e-dfce-4be8-a0ae-32e0ea1a3e30">Friend overstepping bounds?</a>:
[QUOTE]So I have a dilemma I was hoping to get some advice on.  I am pretty sure I already know the answer, but thought I would throw it out there.  Or if anything I guess just vent a little.  I have a friend, who at one time was one of my closest friends, but is now more of an on again off again friend that is bent out of shape I have not included her in my wedding.  Background: Two years ago (when we were closest), I was her MOH and unfortunately due to her Bridezillaness, our friendship took a horrible hit. (Very long story short)  Since then, we have tried to patch things up, but we have never really been the same.  Some of this is due to lifestyle changes for both of us, and new found friends and interests.  Since her wedding, the only time I seem to hear from her is via a text message or E-mail (once or twice a month) complaining how I have dissappointed her as a friend because I am choosing to spend time not partying with her, but spending time with my daughter and FI.  She has even gone as far as to say that by my choosing to spend time with my family is leaving me misrable.  I have called her multiple times to get no response, inviting her to functions or even something as simple as lunch but get no response... until the "dissapointment" e-mails.  I guess my lower key spending time with friends and family are not quite as exciting as her drinking and partying. Current: My friend is upset that I have not asked her to be my MOH or for that fact any of my BM.  My BM consist of my daughter, my sister, and a very longtime close friend (whom I have been friends with for longer than I have with the upset one).  Oh I forgot to mention part of why she is upset is that she assumed that she was automatically the MOH because I was hers.  I didn't ask her to be a BM due to our current on again off again status, and that we are just not as close as we used to be. Was I wrong in not including her?  Should I create a spot for her just to make my life easier?  I think honestly no matter what I ask her help with, it will not be good enough, as she has already complained about every decision my FI and I have maid about the wedding.  One of her biggest complaints was that I was being silly for including my 11 year old daughter in my wedding (funny since she was a BM for hers).  Anyway, any advice out there?  If not that's okay... all in all thanks for letting me vent a little!
Posted by clmower[/QUOTE]

You are absolutely right in this scenario. Do NOT complicate your wedding by including someone who isn't actually your friend. You will regret it.

TheDuckis

You have no obligation to include anyone in your wedding just because they had you in thiers. If she's this difficult when she's not in the wedding, Imagine how difficult she'd be if she was. You're saving yourself a lot of trouble.

LnR70707

You do not need to include her just because she included you in hers, but I have to ask...how old is your daughter that she is one of your BMs, but only became a problem with you spending time with her (according to friend) in the last two years? 

Paulo's Menina Bela

Is she still married? Life doesn't end when you get married, but the drinking and partying like your still single should.

KirstenAlecia

It sound to me like you have reached out to her.....invitations to lunch and such that you get no respose from. You tried. Life and priorities change. It's too bad she does not understand and being a bit selfish.
You are under no obligations.

clmower

Thank you everyone for your advice!  I was hoping I wasn't thinking along the wrong lines.  I have to agree, that it is silly that she is still living the single life while married (which I have mentioned to her). 

For those who asked, my daughter will be 12 by the time of the wedding, and honestly it has been just her and I for so long, I can't imagine my daughter not in the wedding.  The best part... it was my FI idea.  I don't know why my spending time with her is suddenly a problem, as her whole life, I have spent time with her from girl scouts to baseball... but alas that is another story I suppose.

You are all a huge relief to me and thanks for letting me vent a little.  Knowing that I am making the right decision by not complicating things does lift a big weight off my shoulders.

beldts08

You are totally in the right here. First off it is your wedding and just because you were her MOH doesnt' mean you have to ask her to be yours that isn't how it works. I also have a simliar situation my cousin was my MOH for a wedding i was planning but called off. and I met my current fiance and got pregnant twice and she dropped out of my life because he was jealous and i did not ask her to be in the wedding this time around or to me my MOH i am not having one. Secondly, your child should diffently be apart of your day espically if your fiance is her father and if not she needs to feel apart of this important day for you and her new step father.  Your friend needs to back off and i think you should tell her so. Good luck
remember its about you your fiance and your daughter being happy not how happy your friend is. and what married woman does nothing but party?