Bouquet and Garter Toss

atandt33

I have heard a lot about these two traditions.

Out dated? A wedding must?

Will have/did at your wedding?

Any input would be greatly appreciated.

MyWedding13

I'm doing both..I figured why not!

portialoveschris

Bouquet toss.  I don't think my fiance would do the garter toss, so I won't force him.

atandt33

I guess I'm mainly worried about the Garter Toss... I have seen it get pretty raunchy.

But if I don't have the garter toss would it look weird to have the bouquet toss? I guess I always felt they were a package deal.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_bouquet-garter-toss-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:03736bf5-8a5f-4468-aa57-c005f801723cPost:4f31ffa0-e7e1-4a59-83d8-e3e1dab43200">Re: Bouquet and Garter Toss</a>:
[QUOTE]We are not doing either.  We have very few single friends left.  (Getting married at 29 and 30).  With such a small group of single friends, I think it's almost rude to do these.  Who wants it pointed out that they are the only three single ladles at a wedding?
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

This. I also hate the idea that all ladies are just DYING to get married, as if single life is a curse. So fight for that bouquet, girls! You don't want to die alone!

I was at a wedding on Saturday that did the bouquet toss, but not garter. It's pretty common to do that.

bellebride116

We did both and it was really fun

2dBride

We had two brides, two bridal bouquets, and two garters--and nothing got tossed.  I'm with msmerymac.  Neither of us saw the point of traditions that assumed that every single person there was dying to be the first one married.

aerinpegadrak

We did neither.  There was only one truly single guest, and I didn't want to make her feel awkward.  I've always despised the tosses as a guest; at SBIL's wedding three months after mine, when they announced the tosses I instinctively looked for a place to hide, until I remembered that I'm now permanently exempt from that nonsense.

Audrey&Austin

We're doing both, I think they're fun!!

mysticl

Not doing them.  I always hated being dragged out there for them as a guest so I'm not subjecting anyone else to that.

nebbiolo

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_bouquet-garter-toss-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:03736bf5-8a5f-4468-aa57-c005f801723cPost:9c3852d2-0827-45ad-aaa4-70ab84e2dc47">Re: Bouquet and Garter Toss</a>:
[QUOTE]Not doing them.  I always hated being dragged out there for them as a guest so I'm not subjecting anyone else to that.
Posted by mysticl[/QUOTE]

Ditto. Plus, we'd end up with a handful of single girls and it would just be weird. I feel like this tradition is more appropriate for younger brides.  With women marrying at older ages, this just doesn't work.

fallbride1109

I really didn't want to do them but DH wanted to do all the traditional things so we did and it was fine.  I have never understood the big deal about the garter toss--DH found it without ever looking up my dress, took it gently off my leg, tossed it, end of story.  It's only raunchy if you make it that way.

Lilou902

I am doing it but with a twist.  My FI is going to take my garter off, but we aren't going toss either of them.  After he takes it off, we are going to do an anniversary dance where all the married couples dance and the DJ asks each couple to sit down if they have been married less than 1 year, 5 years, 10 etc until they get to the couple who has been married the longest.  We will give that couple our bouquet and garter.  They may choose to put the garter on if they want! That way no one is embarrased and it gets lots of people involved!!

nhelene

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_bouquet-garter-toss-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:03736bf5-8a5f-4468-aa57-c005f801723cPost:5f19d799-9f79-499d-9346-8bb08b58d3f8">Re: Bouquet and Garter Toss</a>:
[QUOTE]I am doing it but with a twist.  My FI is going to take my garter off, but we aren't going toss either of them.  After he takes it off, we are going to do an anniversary dance where all the married couples dance and the DJ asks each couple to sit down if they have been married less than 1 year, 5 years, 10 etc until they get to the couple who has been married the longest.  We will give that couple our bouquet and garter.  They may choose to put the garter on if they want! That way no one is embarrased and it gets lots of people involved!!
Posted by Lilou902[/QUOTE]

Do you really think a couple who  have been married for 35 years will be dying to get their hands on your garter?  How about the bouquet and a nice bottle of wine? 

Lilou902

It's just a fun thing.  Maybe we will add another gift to it.  I already know who the couple would be and yeah I think they would have fun with it.

TTiger03

I asked my single bridesmaids if they wanted to participate in a bouquet toss.  I said if they didn't want to do it then I didn't think anyone would.  Both of them said they would be happy to do it.  I also have a great place to toss from (balcony), so it will make some neat pictures.

I was going to skip the garter after reading magazine after magazine where so many people said it was tacky.  I mentioned this to my aunt (the queen of the socialites) and she said we should do it.  I figure if she says she wouldn't find it tacky then we will do it.  There are a lot of single guys coming.  If they don't want to play along we will skip it.

bibliophile2010

I'm skipping both, for a couple of reasons. First, I will have very few single girls (even my BMs will all be married) at the wedding and even fewer single guys, including at least one ex-couple. That  just seems like a recipe for even more awkwardness and highlighting the fact that they are still single (and there is nothing wrong with that, imo).  Second, I was in a wedding last year where they didn't do any tossing and I didn't even notice it was missing. People were just dancing and mingling and enjoying themselves and the flow wasn't interrupted by the tossing.

That said, if you would like to have a garter toss, but are concerned about how raunchy it can get, the simple solution is to not make it raunchy. Skip the part of the groom taking the garter off (with hands or teeth or blindfolded or whatever else people think is funny). Take it off privately (or not wear it at all) and have him pull it out of his pocket when the tossing time comes.

nhelene

I'm doing both the bouquet toss and the garter removal/toss.  I don't think the garter removal is tacky unless you make it tacky.  That said, I'm removing my shoe during the garter toss and I WILL smack FI with it if the need arises.

I draw the line at making the garter catcher put it on the bouquet catcher.  That's always awkward.

SuMmErKuTiE

We did both and they were a lot of fun! It must be a "knot thing" where people say they don't like them because they're both present at every wedding I've gone to and are always a lot of fun.

alithebride

not only are they outdated (by at least 2 decades) but imo-tacky. no way did i do either.

Judith233

We aren't doing the garter toss. All the guys there over the age of 15 are married or basically married.  So it just wouldn't work out well.  Tossing flowers is still being considered it is going to depend on how many single girls end up coming and if any want to do it.  If they tell me they'd rather not, then we'll skip that too.

I'm with most people, it depends on the crowd.

beamer84

DH and I met when I caught the bouquet and he caught the garter at my cousin's wedding. So, we definitely did this at our wedding.

Edited to add: One PP talked about awkwardness with broken-up couples. Just make sure you let the DJ know if you need a "do-over." DH's sister caught the bouquet, and his uncle caught the garter! When that happened, DH told the DJ we needed to redo the garter toss. We did that and one of my friends caught it the second time around. Some guests on my side were confused as to why we redid the toss, but it seemed like everyone had fun with it.

JennaV26

We did both and it was a lot of fun! We are the among the first of our friends to get married so many of our guests were single. One of DH's friends even got in the middle of the group of girls trying to catch the bouquet and lifted up one of my BMs that he had a crush on so she could get it (she didn't!) and it was hilarious!

Xan921

We're going to do both; I think they are fun.  We have a decent amount of single friends coming so no one should feel awkward since it'll be a larger group of people.  The garter removal doesn't have to be raunchy; we certainly don't plan on letting ours get that way.  I've seen many grooms sweetly take the garter off.  My garter actually came with a tossing garter so my FI and I can keep the actual garter that has ours names embroidered on it 

sreitme

We didn't do either at our wedding and I don't regret it. There weren't many single people there, so it seems pointless. But, I've been to so many weddings where the single people run to the bathroom when it's time for these traditions. Every single person I know hates the tradition, so I say don't force it upon them.

kathrynhabibti

We're not doing either one - I've never liked the bouquet toss (fight for those flowers, girls! being single is terrible!) and have always found the garter removal a little too personal to be seen, even if it's done in a non-raunchy way.

Plus, in my case, there are going to be so few single people there that it'll be really pointless.

atandt33, it's fine to have the bouquet toss only. I've only seen a garter toss a couple of times in the weddings I've been to.

lindseroo

We are doing both because we think they're fun!  Plus, we are young (21 & 23) so we have lots of friends who will still be able to participate.  People won't notice at all if you don't do them though.  Don't do anything you don't want to do!!!

BetsyMore

I think garter tosses are gross and degrading, symbolizig a man's supposed newly acquired "access" to and ownershipt of his bride's sexuality.  I know I have stronger feelings about it than most people, but I hate them. It's not like the bride feels up the groom and throws some of his underwear to her friends!

I don't like bouquet tosses much either, but I HATE garter tosses.

amandaswisher1

I think we're doing both but inviting all the guys or girls who want to participate in it to join. We also don't have many single guests and definitely don't want to call them out so I figure this is a way to do it without it being too weird.

black_fire_pixies

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_bouquet-garter-toss-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:03736bf5-8a5f-4468-aa57-c005f801723cPost:5f19d799-9f79-499d-9346-8bb08b58d3f8">Re: Bouquet and Garter Toss</a>:
[QUOTE]I am doing it but with a twist.  My FI is going to take my garter off, but we aren't going toss either of them.  After he takes it off, we are going to do an anniversary dance where all the married couples dance and the DJ asks each couple to sit down if they have been married less than 1 year, 5 years, 10 etc until they get to the couple who has been married the longest.  We will give that couple our bouquet and garter.  They may choose to put the garter on if they want! That way no one is embarrassed and it gets lots of people involved!!
Posted by Lilou902[/QUOTE]

I think this is a brilliant idea!

nontradduo

We're also doing neither.  When you think about what a bouquet toss says about single ladies, it's insulting...that their status as a single is something they need to fix and worse, by going after some bouquet a newly married woman is "tossing" aside and she has to fight other single ladies for the "prize".
The garter toss is just as bad, if not worse- it shows possession by the groom of the bride in the most intimate of senses. 
And then you have the raunchy tradition of the man who caught the garter placing it on the single female who caught the bouquet!
Not my idea of lovely wedding tradition.
But then, it's only my opinion that it's not a lovely wedding tradition.  The above is merely another perspective for you to mull over.  However, read on...
I know the last several weddings I've attended where they did these, I did everything I could to avoid it.  If forced to participate in, like I was at the last wedding I attended, the bouquet was DODGED by all the single ladies.  The bride was aghast at how we "destroyed a lovely moment in my wedding pictures."  But like many modern ladies, being single was not some disease we needed to be cured of by a magical bouquet.  It was a perfectly natural state that we were quite happy with.  The bouquet was simply left on the floor until her mother shoved us out of the way and picked it up.  We weren't trying to be rude, but none of wanted to participate and then were forced to.  The bride was well aware of our proclivities on the matter.  There are limits of what you should ask of your guests.
**My advice- canvas the singles attending your wedding; if there are enough of them that are up for it and you like the idea- go for it!  If you want to skip it, skip it.