Bad Etiquette? Inviting Additional Guests Later

PepperRose

My fiance wants to invite everyone we know and their mom (and dad, siblings, cousins, ex-coworkers...) to our reception.  I would love to have a big wedding, but we don't have the budget to feed over 350 people and I really can't justify serving only cocktails and finger foods just to afford inviting people we aren't even close to. 
As a compromise, I suggested having a dinner reception immediately following the ceremony for family & close friends, and inviting the others a little later in the night for open bar, dessert, dancing, etc.  He likes the idea, but now I'm having second thoughts.  Is it tacky to invite people to join the party late? I'm especially thinking of family-of-close-friends.

rkto

yes
well, it would be in my circle.  however, if this is normal in your town, circle of friends then fine.

aerinpegadrak

Some people might be okay with it, most people would find it pretty rude, like they're not important enough to see the ceremony or get fed, but they're important enough to bring a gift.

I've honestly never met the family of most of my friends, with only one or two exceptions.  I think most of them would find it weird to get any sort of invitation to our wedding. 

Just invite the people that you guys are close to.  If you don't know them well enough that, say, they're in your cell phone contact list, or that you can name their spouses, kids, siblings, etc off the top of your head, they're probably not close enough to merit an invitation to the wedding.

megk8oz

Yes, this is tacky.

Honestly, even if this isn't your intent, people (Escpecially the ones who are "add-ons") will most likely see this as just a gift-grab on your end.

Chanel8174

I would say no to that. If you invite some to the ceremony... they would find it rude if you sent them home for the dinner reception and then told them to come back for dessert. I would suggest to cut the guestlist.

[Deleted User]

Yes, it's considered rude. And ditto Meg on the gift grabby perception issue.

I <3 Seabass

Instead of having the dinner in between the ceremony & reception why not have it the night before as really nice RD and then just have a dessert reception after your ceremony.

tidetravel

Yes, it's rude.

Your reception is a thank you to your guests for coming to the ceremony.  Figure out your budget, and only invite the people that you can afford to feed. 

Note - you do not have to do a formal dinner if you hold your wedding at a non-meal time.  You can do it in the late morning and serve a brunch; in the mid afternoon and do light finger foods, or later in the evening and do a dessert reception.  Either way, you need to feed your guests.

MyNameIsNot

Yes, this would be rude.  No one wants to be in the second tier, and it comes off as a gift grab.  Decide how many you want to host, and offer them all the same treatment. 

You can cut the guest list.  350 is huge, and people understand that you simply can't invite everyone you know.  If your budget will accomodate 200, start making cuts. 

The alternative is to offer what you can afford to those 350 guests.  If it means shifting the time to not serve a meal, cool.  If it means cutting back on the meal, decor, booze, whatever.  Do it.  There are tons of ways to cut your budget so that you can host a nice wedding for everyone. 

Catwoman708

Yes, it's tacky.

Better to convince your FI now that not all those extended friends or acquaintences need to be invited. 

homediva

I agree it's not the way to go....you can get around it as someone else mentioned, by having a dessert only reception after the ceremony and having a nice dinner before. I think the only way you could do it is if you had a VERY private ceremony (like only immediate family) and then had a party afterwards...Good luck! 

duckie1905

tacky to the max.  Don't do this.

meegz85

I would be so offended if I got one of those invitations. It comes across as hurtful, tacky and cheap.

ExpatPumpkin

Please don't do this - people will be hurt by being b-listed, and they will find out about the dinner from other guests.  You do not need to invite everyone you know to your wedding...  

Please remember that your wedding simply isn't as important to everyone else as it is to you.  We had a rather intimate wedding and this means that our extended circle of friends was not invited...  Would you believe that NO ONE has ever expressed any disappointment after the fact about not being invited?  

People understand that weddings are expensive and won't be hurt.  Trim your list

mocha beans

No, do not do a tiered reception.  I have been invited to a wedding in the second tier, for the dancing and drinks afterwards.  It's not a good feeling, and does make people feel obligated to get you a gift whereas you aren't even giving them dinner.

Not everyone you've ever known and their extended family needs to be invited if you can't afford it or just don't want it.  It's likely that many of those people won't really care that much anyway.  Having a reception like that also comes off as gift grabby.

Figure out how many people you can afford to wine and dine properly, and then decide who makes the cut based on how close they are to you, and possibly your parents if they're footing some of the bill.

september's bride

We sort of did this, but only because some of my friends work in retail and were working til 8pm, and would miss the dinner regardless. They joined us at 9 for the open bar, desserts and venetian hour, plus the kitchen offered them a meal when they arrived anyway. This would not have been extended to "regular" guests who had no obstacles to being with us for the entire evening, however.

jessiegirl_98

I would be totally offended. Don't do this.  If you want to include them, include them starting with the ceremony and just make everything cheaper.  Or, don't inclue them at all.  (BTW, I would much rather not be invited then be invited like this)

jenn.daniel

what are those guests supposed to do between the ceremony and the reception they're "allowed" to attend?  bad idea. 

chrob

What time is your reception finishing? If you extended it by a few hours, or moved to another venue in the evening, you could potentially create a distinct "after-party" portion that all the extra guests would be invited to? This is very common in the UK, having an after-party where extra friends who werent at the ceremony and dinner join... this portion tends to be 4-5 hours in itself so it's an entire night's party for them... but I guess etiquette in the states is pretty different.

If you need to persuade your fiance not to invite everyone, remind him that he is not going to have time to talk to 350 people... you will be running around all night trying to say hi to everyone, having the same 2 minute conversation over and over again before having to keep moving on to the next person... that could be really stressful.