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Reception Ideas

Potluck reception

We are getting married next month.  This is a second wedding for both of us.  My late husband passed away 4 years ago from cancer.  When I announced that I was getting married again, our friends were so excited and wanted to be a part of the celebration.  We wanted to be able to include as many people as possible to thank them for all of their support in the past.  We knew that we couldn't afford a sit down dinner for a lot of people, so a friend suggested a potluck.  We are providing roasted pork for sandwiches, cake, coffee and punch and asking our friends to bring their favorite dish to pass.  A friend of ours (the one that suggested it) has volunteered to coordinate it and has lined up our friends to help.  We will have serving lines that they can constantly keep filled with new dishes. 
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Re: Potluck reception

  • I think someone got lost on the way to their blog...
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • thanks for sharing???

    I'm not really sure how to respond.
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  • Uh, good luck with all that.

    I'm sure you are well aware of how rude a potluck is, but since you aren't asking, I don't need to tell you.  
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  • If a friend told me she was getting married and asked me to bring potato salad, I'd be thrilled!

    But like any sort of pot-luck make it clear that it's a pot-luck or else you run the risk of sounding like a freeloader.

    Anyone who feels jipped out of not getting free food & booze & the whole "wedding experience" is a jerk.

    I'd keep just make sure from the start that no one is anticpating a wedding-wedding. 

    I hear you on the second wedding deal. You want to be married. You want your friends with you when you do it. But you don't want the whole "wedding" crap just a "more special than Labor Day kind of picnic"...

    This probably isn't the wedding website for gals like us!

  • .Well, I still think it’s OK. My fiancé is allergic to dairy and shellfish and my best friend is a gluten-free vegetarian and we never have issues getting together for dinner. We know who can eat what and can ask one another what the dish is.

    Granted, this idea only works if it’s a small crowd (30-ish?).

     I trust my friends’ cooking over some indiscriminate caterer’s any day.

    And if the wedding has a collaborative feel then the need for hosting is nearly gratuitous. Cake and punch is charming but this just has a different feeling to it. You can loosen up, enjoy the afternoon, play some badminton, etc. But I think I would out back smoking during the hosting component of debutante class
  • I’d like to clarify that I never accused anyone in this message board of feeling gypped. I was only thinking of possible reactions from guests’ point of view

  • I think I WAS outside...

    Really?
    Do mom's seriously stil teach their daughters how to "properly host guests"?
  • Really?
    Do mom's seriously stil teach their daughters how to "properly host guests"?


    Are you surprised because it appears a rarity these days or are you surprised because mothers shouldn't teach this skill anymore?

     

  • OMG why am I even bothering with you...

    But for the record it was in reponse to the person who mentioned that the caterer needed an exact number...

    What the hell is your deal?

  • Neither.

    I guess I'm surprised because it's never been a topic that's come up between my mother and I.

    I have friends to dinner a few times a month without any training from my mom on the concept. Although I steal a few of her ideas from time to time... So maybe my traning was more informal.
  • In Response to Re: Potluck reception:
    OMG why am I even bothering with you... But for the record it was in reponse to the person who mentioned that the caterer needed an exact number... What the hell is your deal?
    Posted by justdreaminaway
    What is your deal?  You are coming on a board with established and experienced posters and spouting "etiquette" without having any idea what you are talking about. Your opinion is not fact.  The fact is that potluck weddings are not conducive to proper hosting.

    Proper etiquette is to not expect your guests to bring dishes to your wedding.  The point of a wedding reception is to thank your guests for celebrating your wedding.  They are not being thanked if you are making them cook.  There are hundreds of other reasons why potluck weddings are not good.
    ROCK IS KING!!
  • Well, I'm not sprouting etiquette. I am stating my opinion.

    As long as the paperwork is completed, you're married. The reception is just gravy. Get over yourselves.

    I guess I'll just be thankful that  I'm capable of planning a party without input from "expeienced posters" on some random wedding website...

    I'll probably break all the etiquette rules along the way, but, at the end of the day I'll be married and my guests will have enjoyed themselves and isn't that the point?

  • In Response to Re: Potluck reception:
    Neither. I guess I'm surprised because it's never been a topic that's come up between my mother and I. I have friends to dinner a few times a month without any training from my mom on the concept. Although I steal a few of her ideas from time to time... So maybe my traning was more informal.
    Posted by justdreaminaway
    That's just sad.  I supposed she didn't teach you how to share, or to excuse yourself when you burp either, did she?  Generally parents try to instill at least a little bit of good manners and how to treat people in their kids, but if yours didn't bother, well, she didn't.  

    Potluck is rude because you don't ask other people to cater your wedding.  You make the decision to throw a party, you make the decision to invite them, and you make the decision to have a meal.  You pay for it.  If you can't afford it, don't have the party, don't invite them, or don't do a meal.  But it is rude to ask other people to pay for the party that you decided to throw.  

    I'm not even going to address what a disaster having a potluck wedding can be, or the food safety issues.  
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  • trix1223trix1223
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker 5 Love Its
    member
    edited September 2010
    In Response to Re: Potluck reception:
    I think I WAS outside... Really? Do mom's seriously stil teach their daughters how to "properly host guests"?
    Posted by justdreaminaway
    Yes.  I did.  My daughters DO know how to properly host their guests.  So does my son.  I taught them all, both by my actions and my words, just as my mom taught me.

    I find it sad that you think teaching someone how to be a gracious host is an outdated concept.

    Go ahead.  Have the reception you want.  No one here is going to stop you.  And no one here will be surprised if you get eye-rolls, side-eyes, and snarky comments along the way.

    Oh yes~one more thing.  As a mom, I also taught my children the difference between plurals and possessives.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • edited September 2010
    In Response to Re: Potluck reception:
    Well, I'm not sprouting etiquette. I am stating my opinion. As long as the paperwork is completed, you're married. The reception is just gravy. Get over yourselves. I guess I'll just be thankful that  I'm capable of planning a party without input from "expeienced posters" on some random wedding website... I'll probably break all the etiquette rules along the way, but, at the end of the day I'll be married and my guests will have enjoyed themselves and isn't that the point?
    Posted by justdreaminaway
    The reception is not "just gravy", at least not for the B&G - it is a thank-you to the guests for coming to the ceremony. But I guess to you, nothing says "thank you for witnessing our vows" like "bring your own food so that you can feed yourselves".
  • In Response to Re: Potluck reception:
    I think I WAS outside... Really? Do mom's seriously stil teach their daughters how to "properly host guests"?
    Posted by justdreaminaway
    My mom did.
  • For some tips on how to have a potluck wedding that does not violate etiquette rules, check out this page.

    Yeah, I'll probably get flamed for even suggesting this might be possible.  But I would suggest reading the page before flaming.
  • I'm really not opposed to the potlock wedding idea under certain cirumstances. I went to a friends wedding in Alaska and she lived in the small, small town where there was a real sense of community. When my friend got married, everyone in town brought a covered dish and it was perfect for them. She didn't ask her guests for this, they insisted. Her wedding was very informal and her out of town guests were not asked to participate in this, but it was perfect for the kind of wedding she had.

    If I was having a bigger wedding, where it was more formal, then by all means, a potluck would be in poor taste and you should just scale back on what you're offering.

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  • In Response to Re: Potluck reception:
    I'm really not opposed to the potlock wedding idea under certain cirumstances. I went to a friends wedding in Alaska and she lived in the small, small town where there was a real sense of community. When my friend got married, everyone in town brought a covered dish and it was perfect for them. She didn't ask her guests for this, they insisted. Her wedding was very informal and her out of town guests were not asked to participate in this, but it was perfect for the kind of wedding she had. If I was having a bigger wedding, where it was more formal, then by all means, a potluck would be in poor taste and you should just scale back on what you're offering.
    Posted by caseyandlizzie
    See, I'm totally okay with this. I would have no problem offering to bring something if I knew a friend was having an informal wedding reception and were making the food themselves, or helping out with that- but I wouldn't like to be asked as if it was an expectation of my attendance. That's the difference to me.

    OP, I don't think you should ask guests to bring something because it's similar (no, not the same: similar) to charging people a cover charge. Your reception is supposed to be a thank you to them. If people offer- great! That's wonderful. But I think what you stated in your OP sounds perfect for hosting your guests. You don't need a formal "sit down" dinner- what you're providing sounds sufficient to me without the need for a potluck.
  • In Response to Re: Potluck reception:
    If a friend told me she was getting married and asked me to bring potato salad, I'd be thrilled! But like any sort of pot-luck make it clear that it's a pot-luck or else you run the risk of sounding like a freeloader. Anyone who feels jipped out of not getting free food & booze & the whole "wedding experience" is a jerk. I'd keep just make sure from the start that no one is anticpating a wedding-wedding.  I hear you on the second wedding deal. You want to be married. You want your friends with you when you do it. But you don't want the whole "wedding" crap just a "more special than Labor Day kind of picnic"... This probably isn't the wedding website for gals like us!
    Posted by justdreaminaway
    Did you say  GIPPED?

    related to Scooby, right?


  • scooby used the term and had to GBCK

    She went to make a pot roast and never returned!
  • ::waves hi to Retread::
  • it didn't really seem like she had planned on the potluck.. a friend offered and she accepted. it would be rude not to. didn't your mommas raise you right! (jk folks..)

    have fun and congratulations!
  • If you are expecting the day to feel special why don't you have a dessert recpetion and just offer different types of deserts, fresh fruit and champagne. I've been to a reception like this and it was very classy but doesn't seem too expensive. Then you don't have to worry about guests not bringing what they signed up for or showing up empty handed. I think that most friends and family would be understanding but some would be offended if you asked them to bring food.

    Also, if you decide that you would like to do the potluck maybe you shouldn't ask for gifts since everyone will have some input on the wedding cost.

    PS. I hate how harsh some of these posts are! It's already stressful enough to plan a wedding!
  • Nicky5951Nicky5951
    First Comment
    member
    edited October 2010
    What I meant was to print "no gifts please" on the invites. Even when registry info isn't sent guests feel obligated to bring a gift. She wouldn't want to give the impression that she wants both gifts and dinner from her guests.
  • In Response to Re: Potluck reception:
    What I meant was to print "no gifts please" on the invites. Even when registry info isn't sent guests feel obligated to bring a gift. She wouldn't want to give the impression that she wants both gifts and dinner from her guests.
    Posted by Nicky5951
    But no mention of gifts should ever go on the invitation, even if it's to say that you don't want them.  If someone really wants to give you a gift, it would be rude to tell them that they can't.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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