Dollar Dance Alternative?

BubblyBride75

In our region the dollar dance is pretty common at receptions, every wedding we have been to has had one. That being said I HATE the idea of doing a dollar dance. It seems so greedy. FI is really upset that I don't want to do one. He loves it, always brings cash to weddings so he can participate. He can be very socially awkward and doesn't pick up on subtelties of social interactions well so having explicit social "rules" (ie pay a dollar dance with bride or groom for a certain amount of time) is much easier for him than trying to mingle and make small talk with people and figure out how he is supposed to be behaving. I fully and completely understand why he wants one and I know that no one in our circle of family or friends would bat an eye if we had one, some may even expect it. However, I still strongly dislike the idea.

The only compromise I could come up with was that we do the dollar dance with the money being a "suggested donation" to our favorite charity. What do you ladies think? 

I also, after making this suggestion to him, realized that there are no men invited to our wedding that I wouldn't feel horribly uncomfortable being forced to dance with, aside from about 2 of my friends (and my dad and brothers). This makes me want to lean more towards just not doing it at all.

mandi195

I would just not do it. I know you said it's regionally accepted in your area, but to me it's still a "give me money!!" gesture. If you're not comfortable, just don't do it. That way you don't have to ask for cash, dance with people that you'd be uncomfortable dancing with, and you can focus on spending time with those you do want to mingle with at your wedding.

gmg75241

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_dollar-dance-alternative-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:2b8bdb55-501c-46e7-bdd9-02f4707485a3Post:97d449a5-cd74-4726-9939-7b8ec4fec65a">Re: Dollar Dance Alternative?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would just not do it. I know you said it's regionally accepted in your area, but to me it's still a "give me money!!" gesture. If you're not comfortable, just don't do it. That way you don't have to ask for cash, dance with people that you'd be uncomfortable dancing with, and you can focus on spending time with those you do want to mingle with at your wedding.
Posted by mandi195[/QUOTE]

Agree. Dont do anything you are not comfortable with doing. The money dance is not a requirement for a reception.lol

alithebride

your FI will be the groom. spcially inept or not trust me he'll know what he has to do and where he hast o be during your reception. there is absolutely no need for a dollar dance-even less so with forced donations. so imo you're right to want to skip it.

your guests are already giving you wedding presents. dance with them for free.

QueerFemme

I ran into the same problem with my partner and 90% of my friends and my partner's family.  EVERYONE was excited to do the dollar dance.  I was horrified at the idea. We talked about it for at least 4 months off and on.  It is very common in our circle, and no one had any idea why I thought it seemed money grabby and against etiquette.  So, I feel your pain.

I finally agreed to do it, but, only for one song... and it wasn't going to drag on all night.  We actually ended up NOT doing it, because we were just having fun dancing and being silly with all of our friends and family, and didn't want to screw up the "flow" of the reception.  Of course, towards the end of the reception, a few of my friends came up to me and said "what the hell?  When is the dollar dance? the reception is almost over!".   When I told them we decided not to do it, they put dollars in my partner's pocket and in my corset and kept on dancing.

The moral of this story, I suppose, is try not to stress over it as much as I did.  And I agree with Stage (surprise, surprise), don't do the charity thing.  You may be donating to a charity that someone finds offensive.  Do the "wish" dance.  People can write their wishes or ideas for anniversaries.  Like, give everyone a slip of paper that has a different year on it ("Year 1" or "Year 20" or whatever) on it, and they can give you their wish for that year.  

Peavy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_dollar-dance-alternative-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:2b8bdb55-501c-46e7-bdd9-02f4707485a3Post:f78da0d2-04ad-4dc5-8bbb-aa7a47f34abd">Re: Dollar Dance Alternative?</a>:
[QUOTE]Don't do it if you are uncomfortable. <strong>However, if you DO decide to do it, I will say that I actually find the "donation to charity" LESS palatable than just giving you money.  Now, I have to give money to an organization that I may have SERIOUS moral or ethical problems with to dance with you?</strong>  If you do go ahead, please consider providing slips of paper for people to write advice or whatever on and having them "pay" you with that instead of actual money.  But my first line of advice to just skip it is still what I think is best.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

This is exactly what I was going to say.  People who participate in the dollar dance do so because they want the bride and groom to have the money...not some charity they may not support. 

BubblyBride75

Thanks! I hadn't even thought about people being morally against different charities. Cmgilpin I think I will take your advice and just not stress about it, if no one is dancing and we need something to do and FI still wants to do it at the reception we can and if it just doesn't happen then I would be more than happy with that. I do like the wish dance idea too. Much better than my charity idea!

Jen4948

No, don't do the charity thing.  As noted above, people may not support the charity you choose to back.  The really big issue is that nobody at the wedding should be expected to open their wallet-for a dollar dance or for any other reason.

I'd find out if there is some other compromise you can make with your FI to lose the dollar dance.

Cortney1982

No dollar dance!  If guests want to give you cash, it will be in the card they give you.  Plus, it makes out those who don't want to participate look like grinches.

BubblyBride75

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_dollar-dance-alternative-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:2b8bdb55-501c-46e7-bdd9-02f4707485a3Post:4edac475-94a4-4ab0-bc72-373eba13b6aa">Re: Dollar Dance Alternative?</a>:
[QUOTE]No dollar dance!  If guests want to give you cash, it will be in the card they give you.  Plus, it makes out those who don't want to participate look like grinches.
Posted by Cortney1982[/QUOTE]

<div>Oh yes. I have been a grinch at many a dollar dance. Hence why I don't want to do it, I think we will just skip it altogether. </div><div>And for the record the charity I was planning on donating to is a camp for kids with heart disease that I volunteer at every summer, I was born with a congenital heart defect and FH and I are spending the week after the wedding volunteering at the camp. Hopefully no one would object to this cause. </div>

jczutell

You're really over thinking it. If you don't want the dollar dance then don't do it. Why make something so complex; the whole charity thing, when you're going to busy enough as it is?