Wedding Reception Forum

Monster in Law

Not really sure where to post this or even if I'm doing it right but here it is..
I don't know how to handle my future MIL!.. I have been with my FH for 6 years and she has made it known I'm not welcome.  She invites his ex gf to every family event - Christmas dinners, etc. He was in a bad accident several months back and I was actually kicked out of the room so the ex gf could have time to visit him!!  My FMIL pulled me aside and told me that I need to get over my jealousy and that I have never been liked.. She told my FH that if he marries me then he is the one that has to deal with me. The more we ignore her, the worse it's getting. A few weeks ago, she locked me out of their house.  The ex and I never liked each other but we tolerated each other. Now, I have the ex gf's mother saying stuff and the girl's friends picking fights at the bars with me and my FH. My FH and I are in agreement that this is out of control, BUT it is still his mom and I know it would crush him if I chose not to invite her to the wedding. (He has gotten upset when I suggested not even inviting her)..I'm seriously concerned that she will go out of her way to ruin our big day though!! .. I have always wanted a family and friends wedding, but we are on the verge of eloping over this. We have an amazing relationship, except for this issue, and it's enough to make me rethink even marrying him. Is there a chance she will behave herself, let us have our day, and realize I'm not going anywhere and stop all this nonsense already?  I'm usually a very vocal person but I try to control it with her so she doesn't take it out on him! .. Did I mention she has gone as far as to threaten to kill his dog by poisoning it?.. She has been on meds for depression but refuses to take them or seek help for any of her issues. So it's not just me being overly sensitive. 

Re: Monster in Law

  • your FI needs to have a SERIOUS talk with is mom.  perhaps she's toxic enough to not have in either of yur lives.
    come over to the nest and post this on family matters. you'll get some great advice.

     

  • Your FI needs to set the record straight with his mom.

    FWIW, if my MIL told me that I wasn't welcome at events and she invited DH's ex to events there would be words I had with my husband.

    I highly recommend therapy for the both of you.  He needs to learn to set some firm boundaries.
  • This: He was in a bad accident several months back and I was actually kicked out of the room so the ex gf could have time to visit him!

    Is very disrespectful.

    Your FI needs to man up and speak up NOW. I would be livid if he allowed you to get kicked out the room so his ex and him could talk and spend quality time together...Sorry but your amazing relationship doesn't sound amazing, the only person to blame here is your FIANCE, not the ex or your FMIL.
  • I agree with loop, your FMIL is not the main issue, its your FI! You need to sit down and think if you want to marry a man who will not stand up to you to his mother. What will happen when you two have children? I don't even want to think of what she would do if if her beloved son has children with you, if she is this venomus over a wedding! IMO you need to postpone your wedding until everything is settled (re: counseling) or not marry him at all.
  • Since your FI hasn't stood up for you and told his mother to cut the shiit, or cut her out of his life entirely ... you shouldn't be marrying him. Because Mommy will always come before you.

    RUN RUN RUN.
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  • DH was worried when we were dating/first engaged that his mother would pull similar stunts, but he made it very clear that if she did so, he would cut off all contact with her.  There was never a question of how he would handle it, because that's the way a relationship is supposed to work.  You're supposed to come before Mommy Dearest now, and if he doesn't see that now, he never will.
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    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • Get out now! Why didn't HE have the ex kicked out of his hospital room and you let back in? Sounds like there is more to this story than you may know...
  • tldhtldh member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_monster-law?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:ac984851-bf1f-4246-8564-6c2a5ebeb411Post:4ecc218d-8a1b-4e17-90bf-fd8988f3535c">Monster in Law</a>:
    [QUOTE]Not really sure where to post this or even if I'm doing it right but here it is.. I don't know how to handle my future MIL!.. I have been with my FH for 6 years and she has made it known I'm not welcome.  She invites his ex gf to every family event - Christmas dinners, etc. He was in a bad accident several months back and <strong>I was actually kicked out of the room so the ex gf could have time to visit him!!  
    </strong>
    My FMIL pulled me aside and told me that I need to get over my jealousy and that I have never been liked.. She told my FH that if he marries me then he is the one that has to deal with me. The more we ignore her, the worse it's getting. A few weeks ago, she locked me out of their house.  

    The ex and I never liked each other but we tolerated each other. Now, <strong>I have the ex gf's mother saying stuff and the girl's friends picking fights at the bars with me and my FH</strong>.

    My FH and I are in agreement that this is out of control, BUT it is still his mom and<strong> I know it would crush him if I chose not to invite her to the wedding. (He has gotten upset when I suggested not even inviting her)..</strong>I'm seriously concerned that she will go out of her way to ruin our big day though!! .. I have always wanted a family and friends wedding, but we are on the verge of eloping over this. <strong>We have an amazing relationship, except for this issue, and it's enough to make me rethink even marrying him.</strong>

    Is there a chance she will behave herself, let us have our day, and realize I'm not going anywhere and stop all this nonsense already?  I'm usually a very vocal person but I try to control it with her so she doesn't take it out on him! .. Did I mention she has gone as far as to threaten to kill his dog by poisoning it?.. <strong>She has been on meds for depression but refuses to take them or seek help for any of her issues.</strong> So it's not just me being overly sensitive. 
    Posted by Insatiable5247[/QUOTE]

    Okay.  First, please become acquainted with the enter button on your keyboard.  This allows you to form paragraphs so people can actually read what you wrote.

    Second, how old are all of you that the ex and her friends and her mom(?!) are causing problems?  This is what I expect flipping channels and stumble on Maury Povich.

    Third, as PPs said, this is not a FMIL problem.  This is a FI problem.  You have said that she should be on meds but refuses to take them.  It is up to FI to defend you and stand up for you when she acts like this.  If he isn't doing this now, he's never going to do it.  You can't say you didn't know what you were marrying into.

    Fourth, sorry hon but you don't get to decide if she comes to your wedding.  It's FI's mother so he is the only one who gets to make that call.  How can you be surprised that he's upset that you don't want to invite her?  Despite everything this is his mom.
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  • Girl RUN everything that has been said is true you will be miserable if you marry him sorry but it is true
  • RUN! Clearly nothing is going to change, since you FI has failed on all counts to stand up to his mother.
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  • You keep saying FH (i.e. Future Husband) but not FI (fiance) - are you engaged?  It does make a difference in my mind if you're a girlfriend or if he's made it clear that he intends to marry you.  She can disapprove of a girlfriend all she wants (though she's gone way over that line with her horrible behavior) but once her son says that he's going to marry you, at that point you need to be his priority.

    As far as the ex-GF goes, how does your "FH" react to her?  Was he conscious when she was visiting him?  Does he still talk to her?  It sounds toxic all the way around.
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  • I am soooo sorry you are going through this. The situation sounds awful. I agree that you have to demand from your FI that he stands up for you. If he doesnt do it now, he never will. Best of luck.
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