Holy crap-storm...

lv2011

I was visiting my best friend of the past ten years a week ago (this has been festering in my mind awhile). She is my matron of honor, her daughter is a bridesmaid, and her older son is my godson and a ring bearer. This has been a given for as long as my fiance and I became serious and started toying with the idea of marriage. My friend is generally a really good person, though she occasionally makes bone-headed decisions. This latest one actually makes me sick to my stomach. Unless she's been lying to me since I've known her, she was raped by her boyfriend at the time and lost her virginity at 14. She blames a lot of her past bad decisions on never recovering from that. Imagine my shock when, at my visit with her last week, she tells me she and her husband of 7 years are divorcing and she's been cheating on him with her rapist!!! A man she has had, to my knowledge and her admittance, no contact with until a year ago. What the hell makes a person do this? The turmoil she is causing her children, her family, and ultimately herself is beyond anything I can possibly understand. She wants to invite him to my wedding as her partner! And please note, he is a convicted felon. My brain is seizing up trying to figure out the massive conundrum of denying her inviting him, and even remaining friends with her. I cannot respect this decision at all. My heart aches for her kids, whom I love a lot. They all live an hour and a half away from me, so I'm quite a bit removed from the situation. I feel like all I can do is hope she comes to her senses.

Someone, give me some advice. I really need it, or at least a comforting word.

mrshall1027

Umm, wow.  Unfortunately I have had a similar experience that your friend claims to have had and if I was to even see the person that did that to me, I would probably have a nervous breakdown.  I would never be caught dead getting anywhere near him and I find it very hard to believe that she would want to date him if he really did do that to her.  But, maybe she isn't telling the whole truth or maybe there is something else going on that she isn't telling you.

I guess, if I were you, I would remove myself completely from that situation.  I've had to let go of friends that I've had for years to get away from the drama that surrounded them.  It wasn't that I didn't care for them or want them in my life; I just couldn't put myself in a position where I would potentially or eventually get hurt.  

If you still want her to be in your life, then I would have a "Come to Jesus" meeting with her and tell her how you feel about all of this.  What she is doing is wrong no matter how you look at it, with or with out the rape issue, because she is cheating on her husband and expecting you to back her up.  In my opinion, a true friend would not put you in that position.

pockysquirrel

Jesus H Christ.

I would STRONGLY urge her to get involved in some counseling. ASAP!

lv2011

Making matters absurdly worse, her husband is no longer in the house because she called child protective services on him. I can't say the call wasn't legitimate, though I have my doubts. But, good god. Unless someone dies now, I don't see how this could possibly get worse.

I think I know the friendship is gone. Even if I could get over this, I'd never respect her again and I don't see how anyone could be in a friendship were respect is absent. My biggest problem with this is cutting myself out of the life of her kids. Heaven knows they'll need support and guidance and a kind face, and something to look forward to- even if it is a silly wedding. But I know that if I sever ties, she'll never let them be a part of the wedding, or allow them to attend. Again, I'm an hour and a half away. I feel SO BADLY for them! Our daughters grew up together and I worry also about the potential ending of that friendship.

This is such a horrible and crappy and terrible situation. I won a bottle of champagne at wedding world this weekend and I think I'll be drinking it all myself...and I don't drink.:(