Seriously!?! Can it just be October already?

Lrini1

Deleted. Just in case someone were to stumble upon it. Not worth hurting feeling.

lepoissonrouge

That's frustrating, why on earth does she want to do them herself? That doesn't even make sense to me.

On no planet does anyone do that, by the way... your wedding, your invitations. Her job ended at giving you the addresses. Politely let her know that it is all taken care of and her assistance is not required.

RockstarWifey0912

Frustrating for sure.  All I want from my FMIL is for her and FI to pick a fricking song already to dance to.  WHY is it so hard for people to listen?

ericaandtom2012

Ugh, what a nightmare! I hope you said no.  You gave her all the details and plenty of time to make changes to her list. On no planet does it work that way, unless that's how you decide on doing it before hand. 

minionlover

If she wants to address invites that is border-line okay.  If she wants to print her own invites... no way.  Does she want to change the wording on the invites or something?  I would tell FI to tell her that they are all printed already and there is no need for her to print her own.

Lrini1

I don't get it at all.  I don't know if this was her super confusing way of offering to help because I'm DIYing them or if this is just a continuation of our struggle for control over things.  I called her while printing the invitations to confirm addresses and if a few relationships were still the same, and FI told her earlier that week that I was staying home from work to print them so there's no denying that she knew that things were already in the works.  I emailed FI and asked him if he knew the changes that needed to be made and made it clear that  it would have been nice to know before I printed everything up and started labeling envelopes that she was going to change her list. 
She and I get along, but there's this underlying power struggle that drives me nuts.  We're renovating a home that we just bought and she has gone so far as to say "See now, I hate this" about my paint colors and that my kitchen is going to look "horrendous" because it isn't the layout she drew up for us and instead the one that I wanted all along, as well as insisting that we change the bedding on our registry because the duvet was a different brand than the sheets.  I didn't do it so she bought the bedding she wanted and had it added to our registry and forced FI to take off the one we wanted (I wish I were kidding).  When she found out that the reception venue was a golf course that was going to serve alcohol in plastic cups she about had a stroke.  She is currently trying to get the manager to buy several cases of bottled beer (which they currently cannot sell) just for the wedding because she cannot have people drinking out of plastic cups.  I didn't even point out that all the teas, sodas, wines and liqours will still be in plastic.  Oh and the real kicker she pointed out in front of FI that the flowergirl's dress is nicer than my wedding dress because she just wore it in a "real wedding" and was going to reuse it for mine.  I just sat there in shock.  Who says that to someone?  Our wedding isn't real because my budget is $15K instead of $55K?  And a 4 year old's dress is nicer than my wedding dress?  Those are thoughts you keep to yourself.  Ugh, she's such a peach.
It's one thing to offer to help or give an opinion when asked (although she could be a little more gentle), but when I don't ask, stay out of it.  The wedding and the house are both things that I have an interest in.  If it were 3 months out and I hadn't even started a guest list or said I didn't want to do the invites then, by all means step up and offer to do it.  But that's not the case.  FI are in charge and in my opinion we're doing a good job balancing working full time, renovating a house ourselves, and planning a wedding at the same time. 

Kristin4911

Omgoodness, what a patient woman you must be! Hang in there and I hope your FI knows what a good woman he has! I'm a big believer in basically the "keep quiet and deal with it" when it comes to in laws but if these issues persist, your FI definitely needs to talk to her kindly but firmly. A couple comments here and there are one thing, being flat out rude is another.

NRod70

Wow.  I am speechless...well, almost.  lol.  You hit the nail on the head when you said "power struggle".  I am curious, is your FI her only son or the youngest child?  Some women are weird about their sons and another woman now being the center of his attention.  This is how my mother is with my brother and I have seen it many times with other families.

Don't let her get the best of you, but it sounds like your handling the situation well.

I must add, i think its funny that she was going to have a stroke over the use of plastic cups but its ok to drink straight out of a beer bottle??  

Pfft, good luck with her sister!!

ericaandtom2012

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate without your controlling FMIL.  Does your FI know about the rude comments that she's been making to you about your home and your upcoming wedding?  He needs to tell her that her comments and actions are unacceptable.  

If she isn't on the contract with the reception venue, she should not be in communication with them.  Tell them to take her calls but not enact anything she says.  You should have the final call if you are on the contract. 

Return the bedding she wanted and add the old stuff back on, or trade it in after the wedding so that she doesn't know and pull more crap like that.

Good luck OP.

Lrini1

FI is the oldest of her two sons.  She's a lot closer to FI than his brother though. 

She and her husband are paying for the alcohol for the reception, so I can't really control that.  I just apologize every time my venue calls me with one of her requests/ changes, and try to keep her in the dark about all the other plans.

I fully intend to return the bedding, haha.  I've already told FI that.

He knows she's very opinionated, but she chooses to email me privately or wait until he is in a different part of the house to share her infinite knowledge of home decor and wedding planning.  I try to grin and bear it or not get too emotional when I explain what she says but still let him know she hurt my feelings.  He's told her to back off a few times.  The stubborn part of me wants to make sure to paint all the walls in the entire house just like the foyer that she hated so much just because  she hated it. 

He must have talked to her about it because she emailed me saying that she will be ok with just reviewing them since I've printed them without her seeing them, but needs to omit a few people and add a few.  I'm hoping I have enough of the supplies to make the changes.  If not then oh well, guess they're not going to be made.