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February 2010 Weddings

BM Issues

Hi Everyone, I just posted this on my local board & am awaiting replies & wanted to know what your oppinion was too. Here's the story in a nutshell. My FI & I live in Massachusetts & are getting married in FL (2/20/2010). We are having a very small wedding party. MOH (my sis) lives in FL. BM (best friend since 3rd grade) lives in MA. Best Man (lives in MA). FG (niece) lives in FL. That's it. Originally, we were supposed to get married this past March in MA but we postponed the wedding & decided to get married in FL instead. Without even asking, my BM assured me that she still wanted to be in the wedding. Before deciding on a date, I told her I was trying to pick a date during school vacation (she's a teacher & so is FMIL & Best Man) so it would be convenient for as many people as possible. We decided on the last Saturday of Feb. vacation. The problem is she's constantly complaining about money (flight, hotel, etc). I've been suggesting many cost cutting options to her (staying an extra day for cheaper flight, sharing a room w/ someone, etc) I even got her a hotel room for $35/night! Nothing makes her stop complaining & I don't even want to talk to her about the wedding anymore. My MOH tried to make bacholorette party plans w/ her & she said to do it w/o her... she has no money. I called her yesterday to tell her that they had cute flip flops on sale at Old Navy for $7 that she could wear for the beach ceremony if she wanted. I also gave her the option to go barefoot. Her response... that's nice, but I have no money. But she just bought a brand new Jeep. She has money. Every weekend she spends tons of money on herself. I don't know what to do. Suggestions?
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Re: BM Issues

  • Sorry you are going through all this! I had some issues with one of my BM too. I just had a very frank conversation with her about her needs/wants and if she still wanted to be in the wedding. She may not want to be in your wedding anymore! If that is the case, would you be ok with that? Either way, you definitely need to have a serious talk with her. I hope it works out well!
  • I think you're right, that maybe she doesn't want to be in the wedding anymore but doesn't want to hurt my feelings. My feelings would be hurt b/c I know it's w/in her means to be able to afford this & we've been friends for so long. It's not really a money issue. She just came back from a cruise! Guess I'll just have to bite the bullet & find out what the problem really is.
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  • I agree w/ pp. Ask her nicely if she still wants to participate.  I'm pretty passive, lol.  I would say something like: "I realize things have gotten expensive; maybe more than you'd expected to spend.  It's ok if you can no longer participate"
  • I think that is the best way to approach it! Don't confront her like you want her out of your wedding ASAP! That probably won't go over very well. Sit down with her like the concerned friend that you are, and hopefully y'all can have a nice, but frank conversation about your issues! Good luck!
  • I would definitely have a talk with her and let her know her complaining is making you feel uncomfortable and making it hard to talk to her about your wedding, that you are feeling like she might not want to be in it, maybe that way if she really doesnt want to be in it anymore she has the opportunity to speak when you are talking about it especially if you bring it up.
  • jen, I am dealing with a similar bridesmaid situation. It is so frustrating. It told a friend the other day that now I understand why they have the term bridezilla, because some BM pushed the girl over the edge. I tried to be frank with my bridesmaid , but it didnt seem to get through. So finally I told her that people dont ask you to be in their wedding to make you miserable and poor, they ask you because you are important to them. For the last month she hasnt said anything to me about money, however i know she is still complaining to the MOH. good luck.
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