Paying for wedding?

spanglerwedding2012

My fiance and I have different viewpoints on wedding finances. Our parents have been gracious enough to contribue $$ to pay for the reception (food & venue) and we will be in charge of the rest.

We have $$ saved for this and 1.5 years until the wedding so the ability to pay for it isn't an issue. He just dislikes the idea of spending money on a one-day event. We've compromised in many areas to save costs, but any time I bring up an idea, he only cares about $$. We already own a house, have similar views on finances (other than this, of course), both save instead of spend our money. And most importantly, I am not planning an over-the-top event. I want it to be simple, elegant, and *within* our budget.

When I share ideas, he shares how we could build a deck or remodel a bathroom instead. It's very true, but it's our WEDDING. His reactions make me feel stressed and take the fun out of planning. Any advice?

ev4149

In the northeast, a lot of people do monetary gifts (and not physical gifts) as a wedding gift.  You can mention to him that you will be getting a good percent of the money back in gifts.

Amerbutt81

ev419 took the words out of my mouth

Also, sit down with him and let him know that this day is very important to you, and share with him maybe one or two thngs that you would like to "splurge" on, be it photographer, flowers, or food.  Then let him know that there are things that you are eh about and don't mind compromising.

My brother was the same way about his wedding until I finally say him down and told him that SIL has been thinking about this day for a long time.  She's NEVER going to get another day like this, so stop being an a hole and compromise a little. 

jelybeancg

Sounds like us, exactly. I have found that since we agreed on a number to spend before we started planning our discussions are around we allocate the money. For example he thinks a band is a waste of money and thinks a DJ is fine, doesn't think we need a videorapher or a photobooth. But if I am able to figure out a way to get it all within the agreed upon number he is ok with is even if he thinks it is uncecessary. Maybe if you guys can agree on a set amount he won't see it as money for a deck? And put it in a spereate savings account? We use ING since you can have a bunch of accounts with different names. Wedding is one, new house is another (we have a house we want to upgrade soon), etc. So you guys can start an account for each project and the wedding and this way it feels like you can have everyting?

Sorry this is rambling...

nicole8586

ev is thinking for all of us

Our parents also helped us with part of the wedding and the amount of monetary wedding gifts we received out weighed what DH and I actually contributed.

amy727

I like Jellybean's suggestion about setting a budget and fitting everything in. 

Amerbutt81

Ahh.. I was under the impression there was a set number.

However, if there is not.. set a number.  FIRST

rachelk456

Also, remember that you're not just paying for "one day," you're paying for the life long memory. That may sound cheesy, but you are going to be reflecting on and telling about this day for the rest of your life. In my opinion, that makes it worth it to spend the money to make the day what you want. Besides, you sound like you're being very reasonable with your ideas, so I don't think it will take you long to bounce back

spanglerwedding2012

Ahh, so nice to hear input from other people!  I have been stressing all weekend, thinking I'm being selfish for wanting a nice wedding. You're so true about gifts. We had talked about that actually. Since we have a house, we already have a lot of what we need. The Bridal Shower will be a help to fill in the things we don't have - but for the reception, if the monetary gifts would reimburse us, that would be HUGE. That would make him feel better.

I think he tries to see my p-o-v, but for some reason, is sooo overwhelmed with sticker shock. Having an account just for wedding is a good idea. Maybe then he will realize that I'm planning our big day as reasonably as possible and not trying to take us to the poor house.

Thanks everyone.

nicole8586

defiantly set up the separate account! It is a big help!

spanglerwedding2012

Amer- We do have a set budget already. He just thinks "the world is crazy if people out there spend this much in one day," blah, blha blah. He's having trouble coming to terms with that, I guess.

And Rachel - great point! I said to him last night that 20 years from now, we're never going to look back and proudly think, "Well, it wasn't exactly how we wanted but at least we were able to save $2,000!" This is the one thing that means enough to me that I would spend a little extra for.

Amerbutt81

sticker shock is totally natural.  When we first started looking for photographers, I thought $1500 was a reasonable budget.  I found out quickly that I was wrong, hahah.

miguelhilary2010

I only included H on the big decisions.  All the little stuff like garters, card box, my jewelry, unity candle etc. he had no idea about.  I just ordered it when I liked something.  That made both our lives easier.

spanglerwedding2012

Ahh good idea! we've just started planning but I've been bombarding him with questions about details. maybe keeping those for myself to handle is the right approach

Speaking of photography, who did you ladies end up using? This is the one place I'm allowing myself to splurge...within reason There are just so many to choose from! I like more contempoary, photojournalistic photos. Less posed, more artistic and natural. Any ideas?

Amerbutt81

what kind of splurge are you looking at? 

If you are looking at the $3000-$4000 range, there are a lot to choose from, but I would reccommend Mike Landis.  If you want to really splurge Cindy Guessford is around 6K.

spanglerwedding2012

Ahh. $6k frightens me. My idea of splurge is keeping it under $3.5k MAX. I think I'm more comfortable with $3k or under. Mike Landis - will check him out. Thanks!

Bride_to_be_2011

You can check out Sharyn Frenkel too, my wedding is coming up so I have pics to come soon

Bean32

You can also look into Chris Hensel. He's my photoj and has some really reasonable packages!

jelybeancg

Check out Craig Single. I am getting A LOT for $3,500...much more than all the other photogs I looked at. He has packages less than $3,500 I just wanted a few extras like an engagement album. Oh, and his work is great as well!

rachelk456

I'm using Marc Anthony who has a photo journalistic style and is under $3k. Others I really like who I think are over $3k: Mike Lanis, Ryan Estes, Sarah Schulte and Rebecca Barger.

LaRositaMonita

I found that being just generally up-front to my DH about what various tings cost in terms of getting what we wanted helped him come around.  When he had the same sticker shock we all do, I would give him something to compare.  "Well, we could spend a grand on photography, but here what we would get."  or "Let's visit this venue that costs only $80 a head."  We would both come away totally disappointed and then realize that the extra cash was worth it.  I will also say that we made up a HUGE portion of our wedding cost in monetary gifts.  So much so that we had no trouble affording a house only about a year later. 

As far as photographers, I used to Doug Burns (Candid Moments Photography), which is also in the 3-4k range.  my splurge photographer (over 4k, hopefully not much more than 5k thse days, but he is incredible) is Tony Hoffer.  Mike Landis, Ryan Estes (may also be over 4k these days), Sharyn, Sarah Schulte, Sandor Welsh, Rich Lavigne and Jennifer Childress are also good names to look into.

spanglerwedding2012

Thanks LaRosita - I will check all of them out!

And you're totally right - I know if we had looked at places in the price he'd ideally like to spend, he'd be disapointed too.

LaRositaMonita

Sometimes you just gotta let these silly boys figure things out for themselves..