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July 2012 Weddings

Fighting with fiance?

I know TK is going to eat this, so I don't even know why I'm bothering, but are you guys finding yourselves fighting with your fiance a lot as the wedding gets closer?

I swear, we're going to rip each others' heads off lately. We got in a huge screaming fight this morning and I'm still upset about it. We usually talk via gchat all day but neither of us has contacted the other at all and we didn't even say goodbye before leaving for work. :(

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Re: Fighting with fiance?

  • Oh no that is not good what happened?  Was it 1 specific thing?  We have not had any fights yet thank god.  My FI has been pretty laid back.  I think we both stress a little bit about how much money we are spending but besides that we have not had any screaming matches at each other. 
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  • edited May 2012
    Aww, I'm sorry. Fighting with your significant other is the worst feeling ever. My FI and I have actually never gotten into a big fight with eachother. I secretly was hoping we would have one before the wedding, just to have one, and get it out of the way, but nothing yet. We fought so much in our past relationships, I think we got it all out of us. We are both good at communicating with each other and are laid back, so guess that leads to no fighting. I shouldn't be complaining I guess! We have had many disagreements and he's even made me cy, but not a fight where voices have been raised or yelling. I definitely have started feeling more stressed out as the wedding is getting closer.

    I would say be the bigger person and send your FI a sweet message like, "I love you!" it will catch him off guard. I bet by the time you both get home tonight, all of your upset feelings would have subsided and you'll be back to normal.
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  • What are you guys fighting over? Wedding stuff? Other stuff? Are you guys stressed at work? Oddly enough, my FI and I seem to be getting along better than ever lately. I think we're both just crazy excited to move in to our new house together and out of our parents' houses
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  • See, the thing is, it's not one particular thing. We are both really stressed out so sometimes we aren't as lovey-dovey in convos as we used to be. This morning he tells me he's going to yet another client event for work tonight (which he told me about last night) and I snipped back "Yes, I know you are making time for that, obviously." It's annoying to me because I asked him to do something WR for me which he said he would handle LAST WEEK and he still hasn't done it. He makes time to do these client events, but not one favor I ask him to do for the wedding? So I admit I was kind of rude in my response to him. Well, he's like, Why are you always SO NASTY TO ME, you're SO MISERABLE lately, it's SO HARD to be around you, etc.etc.. So I called him an a-hole and grabbed my stuff and left.

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  • Ugh, those fights are the worst.  We have been bickering here and there but I am sure there will be some big fights as the day gets closer.  We are all stressed out :(.

    You should initiate conversation, dont sweat the small stuff and let it go.
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  • I'm sure you will work things out soon.  Just remember the bigger picture - you're marrying the love of your life soon.  I'm sure your fight was over something legitiamite, but try to pick your battles; if it's not important, take a breath and let it pass.  As it gets closer to the day, I'm sure you both are anxious/nervous/excited/slightly stressed and emotions are running a little higher than usual, which may cause more fights.  Just try to stay calm when something happens, discuss things without an attitude, and breathe.

  • I can't see any of the responses but maybe the distance is a good thing.  FI and I kiss goodbye to go to work and we talk again when we get home.  We find the constant chatting, texting, calling, emailing annoying.  If there's an emergency, then fine but maybe you guys just need some time for yourselves to keep your sanity as the craziness approaches.
  • I can't see anyone else's responses other than LADY's or lvissers, but thank you all for indulging my whine fest.
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  • We haven't been fighting to that extreme but we have both been quite snappy at each other lately.  I think its all the stress we are under with the wedding, working, and the house plus through in school and continuing education for me and I'm about ready to kill everyone right now.  Relax and take a deep breath, is he being made to go to this client tonight? Just say you feel like a lot of the WR stuff is falling on you and you'd appreciate some help.

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  • Can anyone else see the responses here?  I can't and it effing blows.
  • I can't see responses either :( We are doing OK with each other, and aren't fighting about WR stuff, but we do seem to be grating on each other's nerves about dumb things (our "fight" last night was fiance claiming I misplaced dishes as I put them in the dishwasher - he is really obsessive about how he places cups/dishes/etc. in the dishwasher). He blames our irritability on our 3month long break from "aheming", perhaps that is why your fiance is so grumpy too???
  • Yes we have been fighting more than usual and yes it has been all WR. So I definately where you are coming from. But we usually have ahem and it solves the problem for the mean time sorry for the TMI.

    Hope things work out for you and FI.
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  • Amanda1443994Amanda1443994 member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments 25 Love Its
    edited May 2012
    I can't read any posts but I'm sorry if you guys are fighting ): FI and I haven't fought at all but I think that's because whenever I get really stressed and crabby, he just avoids me lol
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  • In Response to Re: Fighting with fiance?:
    See, the thing is, it's not one particular thing. We are both really stressed out so sometimes we aren't as lovey-dovey in convos as we used to be. This morning he tells me he's going to yet another client event for work tonight (which he told me about last night) and I snipped back "Yes, I know you are making time for that, obviously." It's annoying to me because I asked him to do something WR for me which he said he would handle LAST WEEK and he still hasn't done it. He makes time to do these client events, but not one favor I ask him to do for the wedding? So I admit I was kind of rude in my response to him. Well, he's like, Why are you always SO NASTY TO ME, you're SO MISERABLE lately, it's SO HARD to be around you, etc.etc.. So I called him an a-hole and grabbed my stuff and left.
    Posted by bridetobe71412
    It sounds like you guys need a date night away from work and away from anything WR.  Go out for a nice dinner get drunk eat and go home and have some make up s*x :) 

    It sounds like you did throw a dig at him by saying what you did.  You make it sound like he chooses work stuff over anything WR which honestly I don't blame him since it is his career.  However with that being said are these client dinners mandatory?  If so just ask him nicely to get the stuff done on a night that he does not have any client meetings or dinners. 

    My FI gets mad at me sometimes for the way that I speak to him when I ask him to do things.  Like taking out the garbage or recycling or leaving his dirty clothes on the floor.  I sometimes get snippy right off the bat instead of asking him in a nice way.  So I TRY to be more nice when I ask him to do things.
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  • In Response to Re: Fighting with fiance?:
    In Response to Re: Fighting with fiance? : It sounds like you guys need a date night away from work and away from anything WR.  Go out for a nice dinner get drunk eat and go home and have some make up s*x :)  It sounds like you did throw a dig at him by saying what you did.  You make it sound like he chooses work stuff over anything WR which honestly I don't blame him since it is his career.  However with that being said are these client dinners mandatory?  If so just ask him nicely to get the stuff done on a night that he does not have any client meetings or dinners.  My FI gets mad at me sometimes for the way that I speak to him when I ask him to do things.  Like taking out the garbage or recycling or leaving his dirty clothes on the floor.  I sometimes get snippy right off the bat instead of asking him in a nice way.  So I TRY to be more nice when I ask him to do things.
    Posted by LADY324
    I do the same exact thing and you're totally right. I know I am snippy right off the bat. It's hard because we don't see each other that often so I know I should be nicer to him when we do see each other, but I really am miserable lately (work and wedding stuff is really terrible lately) and I take it out on him. Thank you for keeping me in check!

    And no, the dinners aren't mandatory.
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  • In Response to Re: Fighting with fiance?:
    In Response to Re: Fighting with fiance? : I do the same exact thing and you're totally right. I know I am snippy right off the bat. It's hard because we don't see each other that often so I know I should be nicer to him when we do see each other, but I really am miserable lately (work and wedding stuff is really terrible lately) and I take it out on him. Thank you for keeping me in check! And no, the dinners aren't mandatory.
    Posted by bridetobe71412
    No problem that is what we are here for right to talk each other down from our bridezilla moments :)  Try to talk it out when you see him tonight.  It sucks fighting it's not fun for anyone.  Ask him to cut down on the client dinners until after the wedding if possible so he can help make your life a little bit easier with pitching in with wedding stuff.
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  • In Response to Fighting with fiance?:
    I know TK is going to eat this, so I don't even know why I'm bothering, but are you guys finding yourselves fighting with your fiance a lot as the wedding gets closer? I swear, we're going to rip each others' heads off lately. We got in a huge screaming fight this morning and I'm still upset about it. We usually talk via gchat all day but neither of us has contacted the other at all and we didn't even say goodbye before leaving for work. :(
    Posted by bridetobe71412
    Bah. I hate those "lets not talk to eachother all day" kind of fights - because that's SO not me. I'm a "I know you love me, I love you, why bother with all this negative energy" kind of girl...so those kind of days drive me nuts!

    We haven't been fighting more .
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  • Thanks, ladies! I am so happy I was able to read all of the posts finally! (I know you probably won't see this one, but I really do appreciate the advice.)

    I think it's surely a combo of work stress and not-ahem-ing stress, along with me doing literally all of the wedding-related stuff and dealing with ALL of the vendors, and his mother, and my mother, etc. etc. I think (hope?) it'll go back to normal after the wedding is over.

    I texted him and said "I'm sorry I called you an a-hole. Have a good time at your event tonight and I will see you later." and he replied "Thank you." and that's it. Maybe we'll talk later tonight, but chances that I'll be at work past midnight are pretty high. . .
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  • B2B - I get the same way when I'm stressed and upset with FI but don't really want to come out and say it.  Men are stupid and fragile and being snippy with them always has the opposite effect of wanting to drill something into their feeble minds.  I've learned this the hard way and it's really hard to NOT be snippy sometimes.  I have to make a concentrated effort to talk to him very positively and encouragingly when I need him to step up and do something.

    People make millions of dollars writing books about this sh*t.

    Hope you guys work it out real soon... if you know what I mean....  ;)
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  • I understand b2b. I feel like im fighting with everyone, FI, my mom, my sister. Its ridiculous. 

    I think its a combination of wedding stress and house stress and not finding a job stress and and non-aheming stressing and pms. Lovely, really. 

    And I get the not talking all day thing. Its been harder lately since FI's new office has terrible cell service, so normally its a couple texts and then a call when hes off of work. He gets out at 3:30, and I havent heard from him yet. (and its 5:00 our time.) We had an almost fight yesterday; he knew something was wrong, but i didnt want to talk about it so we didnt, and now i think hes mad at me for not. so i understand. I hope you and FI work it out. 
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  • We fight lately ALL THE TIME!!!  A lot of the time it is WR.  I could see us having the exact same fight as you guys...lol.  I think we are both just stressed out.  I jump all over him from not helping me out more with things and he defends himself, but then goes out to play baseball with buddies.  I get pissed and say dumb things...it's bad.  We both need to calm down.  Sometimes I can't wait til this planning is over!
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  • Yes we've definitely been bickering more mainly because I've been stressed trying to get stuff done for the wedding and he's slower than a snail at getting anything WR done! Not to mention everyday life stuff, like my tenant calling and saying the heater and a/c both are dead lol...... Awesome!
  • We were bickering A LOT before FI went away on his bachelor party.  After he got back, we have really gotten into wedding mode and he's been more excited about it. We finally booked transportation yesterday and discussed our timeline for that day. Of course, I had been harassing FI to do these things for months, so I understand your frustration completely! I think PP gave great advice and I'm late to the party, but I just wanted you to know that I completely understand what you mean!! 
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  • edited June 2012
    FI and I's biggest fight was over.... Matching socks! lol Its silly and stupid but I cant stand unmatched socks. He being a male certainly could care less as long as they are on his feet. This happend 2 years ago. 

    Our latest fight I recently posted on the irrational board. Unorganized cabinets. He just tosses the spices in the cabinet and they are all crazy! I open the cabinet and crap falls out! NOT OK. Everything in my mind has a place. Thanks to my mother that was her motto raising me. Over the last 7 years living on my own Ive come to love having everything organized, alphabatized, accending order. Its a bit on the OCD side but I enjoy having everything in place. FI and I moved in together only 1.5 months of dating. We just kinda knew we were ment to be. But he still has yet to catch onto the organized part of living 3yrs later of living with me. He will seriously clean something or put stuff away and I will go behind him and reclean it or put it away I like it. 
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  • In Response to Re: Fighting with fiance?:
    Thanks, ladies! I am so happy I was able to read all of the posts finally! (I know you probably won't see this one, but I really do appreciate the advice.) I think it's surely a combo of work stress and not-ahem-ing stress, along with me doing literally all of the wedding-related stuff and dealing with ALL of the vendors, and his mother, and my mother, etc. etc. I think (hope?) it'll go back to normal after the wedding is over. I texted him and said "I'm sorry I called you an a-hole. Have a good time at your event tonight and I will see you later." and he replied "Thank you." and that's it. Maybe we'll talk later tonight, but chances that I'll be at work past midnight are pretty high. . .
    Posted by bridetobe71412
    Since reading your posts the last few weeks, I have come to the conclusion that you are an Associate attorney? Right? I am a paralegal in NYC for a labor union- - my attorneys do not work half as hard as your everyday law firm attorneys, I know what your job must be like.  When I worked in Westchester, my friend Lexi was an associate and she would be there all day everyday, even on weekends.  It's a really rough job when you are first starting out.  Hang in there...things will get better and try your hardest not to sweat the small stuff.  xoxo
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