Pennsylvania-Philadelphia

Those who have already done Pre Cana/Foccus, etc.

I was wondering if you could share your experiences with them... what they were like, what kinds of things you were asked, etc.

We are getting married in the church because it is important to FI and even moreso to his mother. I'm not thrilled about it. Though I was raised Catholic, I do not currently practice, as I largely disagree with the teachings of the church. (I'm pro-choice, pro gay marriage, pro contraception, premarital sex, etc.)  I'm afraid that the priest is going to ask about my beliefs and if I'm honest about how much I disagree with the church, he'll refuse to marry us. FI doesn't believe in everything the church teaches either, but he still identifies himself as Catholic, whereas I do not. I'm really not into religion at all.

We are planning to have our children go to CCD and receive the sacraments, so that they have the option the practice the religion when they are adults. For that reason, it's probably best that our marriage be recognized in the church. Although come to think of it, my parents' marriage wasn't recognized by the Catholic church for most of my childhood (mom was previously married and didn't have it annulled til later) and I was still able to go to CCD and receive the sacraments.

I'd really appreicate some insight into what goes on at Pre Cana, what exactly the Foccus survey entails, what things will be asked, whether I should say I believe in certain things even if I don't, (which I'd obviously rather not do.)

I posted a much longer version of this post on the CW board, but I was interested to hear from people who might not be quite as religious as well. Thanks guys!
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Re: Those who have already done Pre Cana/Foccus, etc.

  • We're getting married in the Catholic church too. My FI is Methodist and I was raised Catholic but, like you, I don't agree 100% with every single thing they teach. That being said, I really liked Pre Cana. Some parts of it really were about the faith and how to bring your faith into your marriage but it was more about marriage skills - like financing/budgets, knowing your FI, keeping your marriage number 1 priority, etc. The priest didn't ask us anything about our beliefs. He did ask that we would agree to raise our children Christian but said it didn't necessarily have to be Catholic.

    I was sort of dreading the pre cana thing. I thought it would be long and boring but honestly, I enjoyed it. I learned some things about FI that I didn't know before through the different questions they ask and he learned some things about me. I found it very beneficial.
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  • had26had26 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I actually just went through Pre Cana last weekend.  Both FI and I were dreading it.  Although both of us were raised catholic, neither one of us necessarily agree with the Catholic Church and do not go to church as much as we should.  I know that each Pre Cana/Priest is different but I have to say it wasn't that bad.  IF for nothing else it gave FI and I a chance to talk about things that we may not have thought to talk about before or just expand on areas that we discussed a while ago.   I think both of us went into it not for the "religious" aspect of it, but for us as a couple.  Don't stress to much about it.  If you go into it with an open mind, it will be a good experience for you.  Also, for the FOCCUS test, just remember there is no right or wrong answer.  It's definitely good to look at as a map for things you and FI might need to look into further.  You'll be fine :)
  • Like you being married in the Catholic Church was important to H. I was seriously dreading Pre Cana as I disagree with all of the same things you do. However it was not that bad. Obviously, each program will be different. Mine was taught by a man so he handed out a booklet on NFP and that was it. As for the FOCUS survey we took it in class. It was never given to our priest and no one ever said anything about what we put. We were both very honest. The facilitator of our program said it was more for us to see where we might not agree as a couple. Most of the FOCUS was not about religious issues.


    Also like you my parents marriage was not recognized by the church and I made all my sacraments as well. I think it really just depends on the priest.

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  • corona8108corona8108 member
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    edited April 2012

    I just wanted to let you know I went to precana about a month ago at St. Andrews Church in Newtown/ Bucks County. I'm not sure how far away your wedding is but they hold precana classes 2 times a year. I was born Jewish, never raised into the religion or practiced. My FI was raised catholic never really goes to church but it was important to his family we marry in the church. Anyways.... as everyone else I dreaded precana as did he. But we both ended up saying we enjoyed it (as much as one can enjoy precana). We did not have to take the FOCUS test, nor did anyone talk down on you ect. Everyone was super friendly, welcoming and seemed like they wanted to be there. I'm not preaching you go there or anything, but it was very laid back and not at all what I expected or heard from others


    ps. it was a one day class for about 8 hours, so it was done and over with in one day... down side it was a saturday but again it wasnt as bad as other precanas ive heard about
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