October 2010 Weddings

How to honor our bestman who passed?

FI's best friend passed away unexpectedly 2 weeks ago and he of course was our bestman. We've decided it's way too close to the wedding to replace him and that just doesn't seem right anyways. He was a huge part of our lives and want to honor him in some way. His widow and his brother are still both standing up so we don't want call too much attention. Is listing his name in the program as bestman and having the MOH (who is not the widow) walk alone in the processional a good way?
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Re: How to honor our bestman who passed?

  • I think that sounds like a nice idea. Maybe your officiant can even say a few words about him?
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  • I think that sounds like the perfect way to handle it.  That shows respect and thoughtfulness, but it doesn't turn things into a memorial.

    I, personally, would not have the minister say anything about it during the ceremony simply because it WILL cause heartache for those close to him and the somberness of that will, like it or not, overshadow the joy of the marriage ceremony.

    I'd have a toast made in his honour, by your husband, at the reception.  Light, simple, heartfelt, but not gloomy. 

    I'm so sorry this has happened to all of you, particularly at such a time of celebration.  I hope everyone is getting though it was well as possible.
    10-10-10
  • How sad.  I agree on the toast.  Either have your FI or one of the groomsmen make a toast honoring him.  Perhaps a groomsman so that your FI won't have a hard time.  One of them will have to pick up the slack on the traditional best man speech anyway.  I am so sorry for your loss.
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  • In Response to Re: How to honor our bestman who passed?:
    I think that sounds like the perfect way to handle it.  That shows respect and thoughtfulness, but it doesn't turn things into a memorial. I, personally, would not have the minister say anything about it during the ceremony simply because it WILL cause heartache for those close to him and the somberness of that will, like it or not, overshadow the joy of the marriage ceremony. I'd have a toast made in his honour, by your husband, at the reception.  Light, simple, heartfelt, but not gloomy.  I'm so sorry this has happened to all of you, particularly at such a time of celebration.  I hope everyone is getting though it was well as possible.
    Posted by melissamc2
    Melissa couldn't have said it better!

    On a side note, I am so sorry for your loss! You all are in my thoughts!
    ~* Diana *~ ~* October 9, 2010 *~

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  • Also agree with Melissa.

    And also will be keeping you all in my prayers.  I am so sorry for all of you!
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  • First of all, my condolences. It's very nice of you to want to honor your friend.

    My wedding planner and I were just talking about this. She suggested flowers/framed picture on an empty chair. I also like the idea of a toast.

    Have his widow carry specific flowers. That could be lovely.
  • So sorry for your lose of a friend...Oh gosh.... how sad...thats hard... I think keeping him in his place at the wedding is a good idea and I love the idea of a toast for him something light hearted and in memory not in mourning of him...
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  • my condolences to u and ur FI. 
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  • edited August 2010
    what a terrible thing to happen at Any time.. and even worse so close to a special occassion like this where he held such an important role in the day.

    I'm not a fan of the whole "empty chair" thing because it seems to be very morbid.. but being that it's so close to the wedding, there's a gray area.

    I'm having a memorial table with a burning candle and 3 orchids to represent the 3 people we are remembering that day and a nice framed saying.

    I'm also doing this but only with a picture of FI's father.....  you may want to look into this as well.
    http://offbeatbride.com/2008/06/wedding-memorial
    ~Alissa & Frank 10.9.10~
  • wow that is a shame and my condolences to you.  My Fi's bestman passed away last year and i lost my sister (who would have been my MOH) a few years ago.  We have decided to keep the best man and maid of honor positions open.  Dom is going to carry a picture of his best man in his pocket and I am doing a locket on my bouquet that is in memory of my late sister and mother....

    This way its a nice way to remember them, and have them with us but doesnt draw too much attention to the sadness of them not being there.
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  • Thanks for all your ideas and thoughts. I really like the idea of FI carrying the picture in his pocket too. We've placed the flask we'd had made for him on the shelf in our dining room where the one he got FI a year ago when he was married is. FI may use it on wedding day as a tribute.
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  • My cousin past away about 3 weeks before her brother's wedding and they listed her on the back of the program anddidn't fill her place in the wedding party.  The minister also had a moment of silence for her.  The place in the program was just her picture and said "Missing an important person in our lives on this special day".  She was still listed in the program as a bridesmaid also.
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  • That's so difficult, I'm so sorry for your loss. 

    Great suggestions above. I've been to weddings where they have flowers set up in a special place and make mention of their significance in the programs -- I thought that was really thoughtful. 
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