Allegedly...

akg0053

... we have a meeting with our new Deacon tonight. 

*Sigh* lets see how this goes.

Theresa626

Good luck!

[Deleted User]

Good luck, it will be fine. Don't fret over it.

akg0053

Not fretting. Just happy to finally have it done after the fiasco that was the last meeting. 

This one was... well... interesting. But we got through it so that's good. 

chelley599

I guess I am really lucky my FI's father is a deacon.  Good Luck

akg0053

Chelley- you have no idea. 

I have been dealing with some interesting deacon drama. The first guy never showed up, and apparently (according to our church) this happens quite a bit. Our parish said he was the only deacon we can work with due to them being on a rotation as far as taking marriage prep couples.

So we switched deacons and met with a deacon FI has known since he was younger. We didn't start out with him because he's not at our parish. Everybody told me he was so nice and fun to work with, etc. He must have been having an off day because by the end of the meeting, even FI was upset with him. Ugh.

Oh well, the FOCCUS is done finally so now it's just the results sessions. 

chelley599

Oy...I wouldn't be so patiet about it.  We have lucked out.  We recently joined the parish that we are getting married at.  We weren't members before but my sister was getting married at hat church. It was exactly what I was looking for....small, personal, and alot of charm.  When we first called he priest, he was so accepting....didn't even pressure us to join.  So he is co-celebrating with my FFIL, who is a deacon in Southern MA (we are getting married in NH).  Dad will do all of the marriage parts (vows...).  The parish priest willgive the homily. 
Good luck with deacon woes!  I hope it all works out.

Theresa626

What did he do that made you upset? 

akg0053

He asked about where we are financially (which I felt was a perfectly fair thing to want to discuss), and when I gave him a brief rundown about all of that, he said specifically to me "well, why can't your parents help out?" 

After I explained that with my parents finances, helping us out with money wasn't an economically feasible thing and that FI and I do it ourselves. He told me that my answer wasn't good enough, and that I needed to explain further. 

Then I told him that my mom barely scrapes by every month and is in a financial hole of her own and makes just enough to live, and my father was deceased. 

He, I totally promise, proceeded to explain to me how that's not acceptable.

akg0053

Also, that wasn't the only thing he felt was unacceptable.

He also felt that where I went to school was unacceptable (I think he thinks I chose to go to school where I did BECAUSE FI lives there, but he didn't let me explain that FI and I met AFTER I had already chosen to go to school where I did), he thought that our getting married in December but starting marriage prep now was "rushing things," etc. 

It was just a really weird experience. But, like I said, we got the FOCCUS done so whatever. 

Riss91

I have no idea why he was even asking you such detail about your parents...that has nothing to do with your marriage! I have never heard of this line of questioning before. The only thing our priest asked was for our parents' names and addresses....so strange.

akg0053

Riss- oh I guess that is strange. I just assumed all deacons asked stuff like that. Huh.

At one point he told me that to save more money I needed to move in with my mom to save money on bills, etc. I told him that I live on the coast because I go to a coastal school, and my mom lives 3 hours from there. He told me that that was just an excuse. 

I was just so shocked because normally, according to everyone else I've talked to, he is a really nice, amicable, enjoyable person. I guess he was having an off day or something (I'm trying desperately to believe that he's not normally rude and judgmental about things not relating to the Church or our marriage).

chelley599

Wow....I dont even know what to say really.  I have never heard those questions.  Our priest basically just chats with us.  He doesn't drill us like that.  Even the couple we met with after we took the foccus didn't get into that much detail.  I hate to say this because he is a deacon and he is a "man of God" but sounds like he had a stick up his bum.

Riss91

I have never heard of anyone's financial situation being discussed in this detail! I'm so sorry, that really stinks. Is there a reason for his concern? Did you mention that your finances were an issue? I just can't see why else he would need that much information.

I would be very upset as well. That's just not right.

Jay+Marissa

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_allegedly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:09c09cfd-c500-4120-83dd-a3a61259e605Post:3448892e-7071-4ac5-9c5e-52435667815c">Re: Allegedly...</a>:
[QUOTE]he thought that our getting married in December but starting marriage prep now was "rushing things," etc.  It was just a really weird experience. But, like I said, we got the FOCCUS done so whatever. 
Posted by akg0053[/QUOTE]

Jeez Louise! You poor thing. Haha, we did our FOCCUS 2 YEARS in advance and our deacon commended us for getting on it early.

akg0053

We were told that we needed to start 6 months in advance. We were proud of ourselves when we began trying to get it done one full year in advance. Then we were told we were rushing it, despite not being able to get a meeting for 3 months (I realize Christmas and Good Friday are busy though, so I tried my best not to be bratty about it).
He basically went into full details about everything: why I chose to go to school where I did, why I chose what major I chose, and how we pay for things. None of these things I felt were his business, but I thought it was just part of the process and answered his questions as best as I knew how without being mean or disrespectful (because I'm sorry, but at some point the whole "why can't you move 3 hours from the coast in with your mom to save some money even though you go to a marine school" got kind of ridiculous).
I didn't mention anything about finances at all. He started that whole conversation. 

Jay+Marissa

Ugh. Some priests/deacons are awesome. Some are...not. I'm sorry you keep getting the crappy ones!

akg0053

Thanks. 

Mini poll type of thing:

After you took the foccus, how many times did you meet with the deacon after that before you got married? 

iamapixie

We met with our priest once when we first decided we wanted him to marry us, took the FOCCUS another day and haven't met with him since. Our wedding is in July.

I am so sorry you are having to go through all of this with the deacon