Engaged Encounter vs. Pre Cana

HoneyBunny678

My FI and I just met with our priest for the first time, and he explained that we have the choice of doing Pre-Cana (over 6 weekday evening sessions) OR Engaged Encounter, which is a weekend retreat. He encouraged us to consider Engaged Encounter and mentioned that it can be a very intense, emotional experience. I definitely want to do whatever we can to best prepare ourselves for marriage; however, I'm just not sure if it's really that different of an experience from pre-Cana and if it's really worth it.   Has anyone been to an Engaged Encounter, and if so, did you feel like you got a lot out of it? Are there any recommendations for one program over the other?

Calypso1977

i think it depends on what you are looking for.

i did not do the engaged encounter, but from what i gather, it deals more with meeting with other couples and lay persons versus receiving instruction and guidance solely from the priest.   i think pre-cana with the priest will be more faith based, whereas the encounter may be more married life/social based.  again, pure speculation as i have not done the encounter.

ours was with the priest, and we got a lot out of it.  it helped us understand the sacrament better, and how to have a catholic marriage and guide each other in our faith.  given our ages (31 and 34 at hte time) the priest knew we werent rushing into marriage, and also knew we didnt need help with balancing our checkbook and learning how to fight, etc.  from what i've gatehred in speaking with other couples, alot of the pre-cana tehy've had deals with stuff like that.  if you are younger, or have never lived on your own before or if this is your first serious relationship, then this type of prep may be better for you.

Riss91

Our Pre-Cana was done by a couple and not a priest and I thought it was extremely beneficial, as did many couples there that were pessimistic about the program. Ours was focused on communication, how to handle problems, how to care for each other. It was not a discussion on the Catholic church and our program leaders stayed away from debating the rules of the church.

I've heard that Engaged Encounter is more intense because it is more one-on-one and specific to you as a couple. You will interact much more throughout the program, rather than be in a lecture-type setting with breaks to try out the techniques discussed.

If you have been together for a very long time, you may not need the Engaged Encounter, but I don't think it would be a waste of time by any means!

amarch

I did the Engaged Encounter and highly recommend it:)  We did ours in Baltimore, and I'm sure it varies some by diocese, but they did tell us the basic format is supposed to be the same everywhere.

Basically, there were 2 couples presenting during the weekend.  They gave a 20 minute or so presentation on a certain issue, then we were each given around 15 minutes to write about the issue by ourselves, then another 15 min to talk about what you wrote w your fiance.  Presentations included both religious (ex. the role religion will play in your lives) and not so religious topics (ex. finances, communication).

We were skeptical, but ended up getting a lot out of it even though we had talked about mostly all the issues already.  I really doubt we would have gotten as into the whole thing if we were meeting for a couple hours at a time....it was nice to have the whole weekend to focus on us.

Sounds like others have had good experiences with the other types too though...so good luck either way!

[Deleted User]

The priest at the church we are getting married at requires us to do it. I agree with the other girls, it is an intensive weekend retreat designated to take you away from the stress of planning a wedding. The part I am not looking forward to is staying in a hotel room with another person I don't know for crap. We are doing it outside of Atlanta in a few weekends. FYI - be prepared to fork out the bucks for it vs not paying for pre-Cana with the priest. If you want to register, get more info, just go to engagedencounter.com and you can see where they offer it in your area, price, etc.

kmm2150

We did an engaged encounter and it was close enough to home that we just drove there both days.  I agree with pp, alot of it was young/new relationship-y stuff, like how to disagree,  where your religious beliefs fit in your relationship, as well as other stuff that you should talk about with someone you're marrying, like having kids, your relationship with each other's families, handling money, etc.  We'd been together over 6 years and a lot of it was stuff we had discussed many times, but I still liked doing it all in one weekend where we could really focus on it, make time for it, not be in a hurry like I think we would've been with a weeknight thing.  Our experience also didn't make you talk much, if at all, except to each other, which we liked.  Some might like a more-touchy-feely experience, but we liked this.  Final thing that we liked- don't know if this differs from pre-cana or not - you talked about religion, but there was never, to me, any pressure about what was right or wrong, just that you need to communicate with your spouse.  I really appreciated that!

awestie

I did the engaged encounter since I am a youth minister at my parish and one of the couples who ran the precana were former parents of one of my youths...who very openly talk about their sex life. So to avoid awkardness we went to the engaged encounter..my parish Monsignor highly suggested it.

 

While it was intense, it was a lot of things we spoke about even previous to being engaged: children, finances, our relationship with God, etc. 

 

We had such a wonderful experience. We both had such a stressful last year with wedding planning and my brother and his sister both being in and out of the hospital in very critifcal condition at times, and it was nice to go away and get a chance to really be together. Some engaged encounters require you to room with someone your same sex or you will be able to have your own room.

 

I see you're also from Jersey....which diocese are you with? If you are in the Archdiocese of Newark, I highly highly HIGHLY recommend the engaged encounter. 

ExpatPumpkin

Huh...  We weren't given a choice.  We were required to do both.  And NFP classes.  Oh well, we didn't mind.  But I didn't know that couples could choose one or the other. 

HoneyBunny678

Thanks so much for all the advice - we talked it over adn we will be doing Engaged Encounter!