Help! Some Catholic-specific issues

winkingfish55

So, FI and I are getting married on August 22, which is coming right up. Engagement was short (kicked off pre-marriage prep with a Valentine's Day workshop, ring and adorably creative proposal came in March), so things have gone a little by the wayside. Since I only became Catholic in April, the Catholicism-specific details are tripping me up. There are tons of resources for choosing lemon centerpieces, but astonishingly few trustworthy ones to help you through the nuptial mass planning process. Since our next (final?) meeting with the priest is August 3, followed by a meeting with the ceremony musician, I need to get them sorted out quickly. Thus I'm getting dragged back into the knot forums for answers . Our parish is a Jesuit-oriented student parish -- simple and cozy, not a gorgeous cathedral -- but we love it and its service message and want that to be conveyed on our wedding day. When we get back from our honeymoon, we are starting the application process for several volunteer programs (Peace Corps, Jesuit Volunteer Corps) so one of them is in our future. Do we have a say in what types of things the priest mentions in the homily? I don't mean telling him what to do, but just a general theme. If so, FI and I should probably talk about it before August 3. If not, I'm not going to bother since there are about 10,000 other things to do. We are also having a single musician, a pianist, who doubles as our soloist. She coordinates the 5 pm mass music every Sunday and does most of the weddings, so she's great and knows our church's music. I'd like to know if anyone else has had JUST a pianist who sings. I think it changes the selection of music (no trumpet voluntary here) and would love some input. What worked for you or what have you seen work in other weddings with just a piano? We also need to choose readings. Readings we like (in no particular order): 1 Colossians 3:12-17 Jeremiah 31:31-32, 32-33 Matthew 22:35-40 Have you used one of these readings? I really dislike what follows the Colossians one, but other than that I'm hoping there aren't underlying messages that I just haven't seen. All the wife subordinance in other parts of the Bible would make me want to kill someone that day so I will NOT use something with that message. I guess since 2/3 of the people there are "cradle" Catholics, I'm nervous I'm going to choose something inappropriate. I have no problem bucking tradition with other parts of the wedding, but for some reason I am having zero confidence in planning this part! Thanks in advance!

ffmaid

Ok deep breath. It will go off lovely and in my experience some of the best Catholics are Catholics by choice not just by birth. So things will be fine. 1. What the priest talks about during the sermon and if you can influence it is based on the specific priest. If you want a certain message in keeping with the church he is likely to go along with it. ( For example at my request our priest kept it focused on marriage partnership but not subservient wife and a focus on family -famly of the church family we came from family we created by getting married ect)2.Jesuits Rock3.We did just an organist no singers ( I donlt like the parish ones and my family and his are pretty awful at music) However talk to the musician she can let you know what songs she does well that might be appropriate. 4. The priest will not let you pick anything inappropriate and there is a book you get at precana that has a bunch of suggested readings that will help a ton. It will be wonderful and you two will have a happy and blessed marriage.

mbcdefg

We haven't met with our priest yet (can't get ahold of him, ugh!), but I found a few readings that I like and plan to ask him if we can use. I agree, the subordinance passages don't appeal to me either (and I know there are varying translations of them and they don't need to be taken at face value). I was also looking for things that wouldn't make our non-Catholic/Christian guests uncomfortable. I was also looking for things a bit different than what you seem to hear at a lot of wedding ceremonies. Old Testament: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=ecc%204:9-12;&version=31; (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12; "two are better than one")New Testament: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans%2012:1-18;&version=31; (Romans 12:1-8 ... FI is a teacher and so I thought verse 7 is especially fitting)Gospel: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%205:1-12;&version=31; (Matthew 5:1-12; The Beatitudes)http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%205:13-16;&version=31;(Matthew 5:13-16 ... "You are the light of the world")http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John%2015:12-16;&version=31; (John 15: 12-16 ... "Love each other as I have loved you")

agapecarrie

I think if you really understood the "submission" scriptures you would feel differently. This is actually asserting that women are the pinnacle of creation. I'm copying this from another thread where the topic came up.Submissive, in this context, is saying to wives to be "under the mission of..."See, this is not sexist at all, in fact, this is showing that women are the pinnacle of God's creation. Here's why...It says "Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church" The Catholic definition of love is actually to will the best for a person. The best for every soul is to get to heaven. Emotions and romance are beautiful aspects of that love, but the decision to love every day is one of not only joy, but also suffering, just like Christ.So, this passage is telling us that the mission of Husbands is to love their wives even unto death...get their wives to heaven, even if it kills them. They are accountable for their families souls.So, wives, being under the mission of their husband, should allow her husband to love her.THAT is what this submission means. If you have a husband that loves like that, there is no problem with trusting your life and soul with him. Husbands actually have the harder job here. The husband will be accountable for his family's souls.This is not chauvinistic, but an honoring of women. I recommend reading stuff on theology of the body, Christopher West does an excellent job explaining these things.

brideofmonkey

You may receive a book that's a guide to the Catholic wedding ceremony from your priest. We received one at our first meeting and discussed it the second meeting. It had common choices for each part of the ceremony, including about 10 suggested readings for each part. We were also welcome to choose our own and ask the priest if those readings were appropriate.Have fun choosing! It meant so much to me to pick this part of the day (the most meaningful part) with my fiance. I hope you take some time to take joy in it. :-)

winkingfish55

Thanks for all the help, ladies! I think we're a little more prepared going into Monday's meetings, now. With a lot of my friends having complicated or nonexistent religious beliefs, I want something inclusive (and not even just for Christians). My best friend, who's Jewish, went to mass one time with us and felt like the priest -- the same one doing our wedding -- was speaking to him. That's what I want! I feel like that every time I go there, and have since before I was a Catholic. Our wedding is not out to convert people, but there are a few lapsed Catholics on my mom's side who haven't been to church since their 12 years of Catholic school in the 1960's and I would like to showcase the welcoming environment the Church has encouraged since then. When I go elsewhere, even though I know the context, I bristle with discomfort every time John mentions "the Jews," and I do not want my guests feeling alienated by something which will necessarily be taken out of context. That's I guess why I'm a little nervous. BTW, to whoever wanted the Father Aruppe quote, my FI loves it. Totally going in our programs!