marriage classes mandatory?

stef0819

traditionally couples have been required to go to marriage preparation classes for 1 year at the parish that they will be getting married in.. is this still done? is it inappropriate to ask a priest to marry you if you have not gone to their church many times?

CourtneyJ2010

We went to a priest who was at my FI's parish before he moved so we have never been to church in his current parish. For premarital  he requires 4 meetings, an initial, one to get to know us, one to talk about FOCCUS test and one to talk about the celebration itself. The diocese requires an engaged encounter weekend, which I was apprehensive about but found it extremely fulfilling. The longer you have just makes it easier to fit eveything in. Requirements will vary not only from diocese to diocese but also from priest to priest as well.

samurai21

You can ask for ore info from the church about marrying there. Some churches flat out won't let you use their priest if you're not a member leaving you to find an outside priest, some will let you use their priest if you're not members after you join the parish for a certain amount of time, it all varies.

I'm getting married in Indianapolis at a church I'm not a member of. We're using a priest that is a member of the church I went to during college in a different city. My "home parish" where I'm registered is in my hometown 2 hours from both my ceremony preist and our ceremony venue. For the church where we're getting married I had to have a letter from my home parish in my hometown saying they were ok with me not getting married there and a letter from the priest in Bloomington saying he would be handling all of our Pre-Cana prep.

All you can do is ask. They're all different.

Calypso1977

they are all different.  i've never heard of year long pre-cana.

ours was just three sessions with the priest.  but we are regular parishioners.  we didnt have to do a FOCCUS test or any of that stuff.

Riss91

We got married in a church that we were not parishoners of. We brought in a priest from a different parish that we were also not parishoners of. Neither priest had a problem with it. We met with both priests for brief informational sessions (within 4 months of the wedding) and we took a weekend long pre-cana course about 2 months before the wedding. That was all that was required of us.

It really does vary from parish to parish, so your best bet is to speak with the priest at the church you wish to be married in.

[Deleted User]

Agreed, every church/priest is different with his requirements. I have never heard of 1 year long pre cana either. Are you sure you aren't talking about RCIA?

We were required to go to an EE weekend and then attend several (maybe 5) sessions with the priest, one of which we took the FOCCUS test and then another session we went over the answers and discussed it.

And, yes, it is okay to ask another priest to marry you from a different church in which you want to be married, however, usually the current priest have to give him permission to do so. This is how it is in our dioceses, so I am not sure if this can vary as well.

mbcdefg

The bulletin at pretty much every church I've attended has said to contact the church a year in advance if you wish to marry there. But (from my experience, anyway) it doesn't necessarily mean that you need to do pre-marriage prep a full year out from your wedding. Just that you should contact them about a year in advance to secure a date and get the information for Pre-Cana and meetings with the priest who'll be marrying you.

I am betting that that notice is to dissuade people from just walking in off the street and saying, "Oh, we already have the hall and every vendor booked for three months from now, so where do we sign to have our wedding here on that date?" A lot of people unfortunately book other stuff before even thinking about booking the church and finding out what's required of them.

As for whether a church will marry you if you are not a parishioner there ... like the previous girls said, that really depends. Some churches are more lenient than others. You would need to call the church you have in mind and ask. I know some people who've been required to attend weekly Masses and make their faces shown before they were eligible to be married there. I know others who don't practice in regular life, but were allowed to get married there and then never showed their faces again until it was time to have their kids christened.

Also, it may depend on your reasoning. If your explanation is, "We just moved here from out of state and we had a regular parish back home, but we haven't found a steady parish in this new state just yet," they may be more accepting than if your reasoning is, "We never really attend Mass, but we want to marry in a church because it's pretty/because our families expect us to/ because it's 'traditional'/because it's cheaper than marrying at the reception hall."

MissAngel

I have only heard of one priest requiring this and it was at a church that I chose to not get married in.  He even allowed you to take the marriage classes when you didn't have a boyfriend/fiance so what was even the point in that?  Anyways, besides this one, I have never heard of year long classes.  And I agree with pp about each priest/church/diocese being different and sometimes if you weren't a parishioner, the fee they charged was a lot higher...

mswood1977

Our parish requires you contact them at least 6 months in advance.  We had to do the EE weekend and meet with our priest 4 times (initial, take FOCUS, review FOCUS, finalize ceremony/approval of readings & porogram).

stef0819

thanks alot ladies! I think I will just have to decide which parish we are going to get married at and see what the priest says

JMU_Bride09

Our parish required we first meet with the priest 6 months before the wedding, then meet with him three more times.  Also, we were required to do either the 8 hour pre-cana or the weekend engaged couples encounter...either one we wished

I think it varies from parish to parish, but Im positive that they all have some time requirements and some pre-counseling requirements

mica178

6 months is more common that 12 months of religious prep, I think.  However, everything varies between parishes and diocese(s?). 

MarinoRabeno

We aren't regular church goers and are getting married an hour from where we live. We had one meeting with the priest and have to do pre-cana, but that's it! Just depends I guess.