My parents are married, his are divorced--how to handle the reception?

TobieRose

My parents will be celebrating 26 years of marriage this June, but my fiance's parents are divorced. His parents aren't so hostile that they can't speak to each other, but things are pretty uncomfortable between them.

I've already talked to my fiance about managing the seating arrangements etc and am not really worried about that. But there are a few things I'm not sure how to handle. For example, I want my parents to have a dance together at the reception, because they deserve it: they have been a beautiful example my entire life of what a holy, loving marriage looks like. I also would like to honor them by having them announced together as they enter the reception.

But how do we go about announcing *his* parents? Do they walk in by themselves? I feel bad because I don't want to make things awkward by calling attention to the fact they're divorced, but at the same time I don't think it's right to make my parents give certain things up (their dance, being announced together)--especially on a day that's a celebration of marriage!

Does anyone have any advice? Thanks!

Meg1036

Definitley have your parents announced together.

Have your FI's parents announced separately.  Are they dating anyone/do they have SO's?  If so, have them walk in with their SOs.  If not, perhaps have them escorted by another family member, and have that family member announced as well (i.e.,Announce "Groom's Mother, Jane Doe, escorted by her son John Doe!")

As for the dance, I hope you don't mean that your parents will have a spotlight dance with only them on the floor.  I've never seen that (although since coming to TK, I've come to understand that things I've never seen are common).  In general though, its better to err on the side of less spotlight dances than more.  People want to get up and dance, not watch a huge series of other people dancing.  So I wouldn't do this. 

Have you thought about doing an "Anniversary Dance" instead, where the DJ has all married couples come out and dance?  And then has them get seated one by one, based on how long they've been married?  The last remaining couple on the floor is generally given a bouquet or a flower; you could give your parents flowers in addition to the last remaining couple on the floor to honor them.

Hope61

Meg pretty much said everything I was thinking

katetw

I also agree with Meg -- the best way to handle the parents' dance is with an anniversary dance. I've also never heard of a special dance for one set of parents. Word of funny warning: my DJ tried to do an anniversary dance and no one paid attention to him, and it turned into a normal dance since everyone rushed on the dance floor!

My husband's and my parents are all divorced -- his parents were announced with their spouses, and my father was announced with his girlfriend and my mother with her boyfriend's son (her boyfriend and his other son were ill and unable to attend). No one blinked an eye, and it was still fun!

TobieRose

Thanks for the advice everyone! I don't think either of his parents will have dates, although there's a possibility his mom will bring her boyfriend. He's an only child so there are no other children to escort the parents, but there are cousins, so maybe that would work?

Having the parents of the bride and groom each have their own dance is an older tradition, I think--I know my parents had it at their wedding, and I've seen it at a few of my friends' weddings, but not the majority. I don't really mind about making the general crowd wait to dance. My only worry is that it would make his parents feel like attention was being drawn to the fact they *weren't* married any more ...

What makes me sad is that  I know it means a lot to my parents, even though if I ask them not to have it they will understand and acquiese gracefully. I am going to think about ways to combine it with the anniversary dance, I think. Thanks for the suggestions!

ootmother2

My ExH and I gave the wedding and hosted.  We've been divorced for ages and have a reasonable relationship because of our daughter.  Neither one of us wanted her to be hurt and/or. embarassed in any way.

M (daugher) and I did all the planning and he would come along and view venues, cakes, flowers (well, not so much there) and worked through all the little wedding details that came up.

At the start, we agreed to split everything WR equally between the two of us.  That meant we had to talk on the phone and actually get together in person when we had to discuss something.  We were able to do that because 1) we are both adults and 2) we wanted the best wedding for our daughter.

Hence, we had to behave as sane adults and what's wrong with that?  Too many parents get all stiffed up if they feel that something is not done exactly their way.

I should hope that your FI's parents want the same for him and will behave accordingly.

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time and I don't have all that much good advice.  Maybe in the morning, something will come to me.

Good luck until we find a genius way of solving your problem