Priest or church?

Alyssa0421

Our wedding is about 6 hours away from where we currently live and work. Our priest from our church here locally is traveling to be the officiant at our wedding. We are already paying his travel and hotel expenses. On top of that, do we write him a personal check for his time/energy or make a donation to our church? I'm not sure what the proper etiquette is in this situation.

ootmother2

After providing travel and lodging, I think all you really should do is a personal gift if he's allowed to accept that.  he may just tell you that a gift to the church would be better.  Priests do differ on this.

A 'Be My Guest"  Card from American Express is, IMO, a great idea.  He can make a choice of the restaurant and timeing on his own.

Calypso1977

i would certainly try to do something more for him than just pay his travel and lodging, since that's expected anyway.  he should still receive something for doing the ceremony.

as a recipient of those amex gift cards, i have to say that they are pretty user un-friendly.  many restaurants cannot process them if the amount of the card is less than the total tab (not sure if this is an issue with the cards themselves or with how the restaurant attempts to run them thru).  you also cant use them at the gas pump and often times grocery stores have trouble processing them as well.  on top of that, you pay a few dollars in fees when you purchase it.  this is the regular ones, tho, maybe the "be my guest" ones are different.

Riss91

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_priest-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:5aa2aebb-0b62-454c-af77-b646028552a0Post:ae6c0812-277f-465d-842c-948f242e8d2a">Re: Priest or church?</a>:
[QUOTE]i would certainly try to do something more for him than just pay his travel and lodging, since that's expected anyway.  he should still receive something for doing the ceremony.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

I agree with this.

[Deleted User]

I agree with Calypso. Why not just get him a gift card to a specific restaurant? Or if he has hobbies (for example our priest loves to hunt) you could get him a giftcard to a more specific/speciality store. One of the other posters is correct, priests differ in being able to accept these kinds of gifts, but it is worth a try. If not, you could always give him a donation for his church to do as he likes with it.

Calypso1977

ironically, this was on Yahoo today about the top 10 rip-offs:

Credit Card Gift Cards

istockphoto

The Rip-Off: Consumer protection types are coming down on hard on aggressive credit card companies. They might take issue with gift cards, too. American Express (AXP - News) charges $3.95 for its cards, whether you're buying a $25 card or a $3,000 one; Visa charges $3.50 for cards purchased at bank branches and tacks on a $2.50 monthly fee after the first 12 months following the purchase date. Another rub: Merchants often reject cards bearing amounts less than the price of an item. (So much for that $2.59 left on your card.)

How to Avoid It: Give cash.

[Deleted User]

Yes, those things can be such a pain in the butt sometimes. I even hated them when I was working in retail and not only did I get frustrated but the customer did as well when they didn't work.

Alyssa0421

Hmm, it's tough because we have no idea what restaurants or hobbies he likes. I have definitely heard of tipping your priest since he does not ask for a fee personally. I would have tipped the priest at the church we are getting married at if he was doing our ceremony, on top of the church fee.

Is it ok to write him a check and then have him decide if he wants wants to keep some or all of it or donate it to the church?

ootmother2

"Be My Guest" cards are a service of American Express, and are NOT the same as gift cards.  Calypso.

There is a Member Services number of the back of American Express cards, if you have one, call them and they do all the arrangements.  It's like hosting a dinner for the designated number of people you state even though you aren't there.. Any restaurant that accepts American Express will accept these as well.

Calypso1977

oot, can you get those if you dont have an Amex card?  are they for members only?

ootmother2

Yes, it is a service for American Express Card members.

Don't think I know anyone without one or access to one though

Calypso1977

i had one years ago... get the fliers in the mail all the time.  good to know, those sound like a much better deal than the cards you buy at the grocery store kiosk.