Tuesday Questions

Resa77

I'm having a hard time thinking of anything good, but here's the best I've got:

1.  When you get married/got married, will you/did you change your name to your H's last name?  (If married, how long did it take). 
2.  If you did/will change your name, did you have any hesitations?  If you didn't change it, why not?
3.  Do you prefer "Ms." or "Mrs."? 

Please feel free to add more questions!

Resa77

1.  When you get married/got married, will you/did you change your name to your H's last name?  (If married, how long did it take). 
I have not changed mine yet, but I plan to.  I changed it on FB, so that kinda counts, right?
2.  If you did/will change your name, did you have any hesitations?  If you didn't change it, why not?
I'm just lazy...I mean, who WANTS to go to the SS office, DMV, etc?  It's just a lot of work.  Plus, my H's last name is REALLY long.  I'll def change it by when we have kids, if I haven't already.
3.  Do you prefer "Ms." or "Mrs."? 
I used to always prefer "Mrs." in general, because "Ms" always implied, to me, some pro-choice, pro-BC femi-nazi.  But now I don't see "Ms" that way at all.  "Mrs" just feel foreign to me, and I'm used to Ms.  In terms of sending a letter or something, though, my address labels say Mrs.  Maybe it'll start feeling natural once I use it more.  Professionally, I prefer Ms.  

professorscience

1.  When you get married/got married, will you/did you change your name to your H's last name?  (If married, how long did it take).  

I changed it.  I even joked before I left that my students' homework was to practice saying "Mrs. _______________" instead of my maiden name.  The length of time it took varies depending on what we're talking about.  I think I changed it on my DL and SS card around 2 months later, just because that was the soonest I had a day off to go sit at the DMV and the SS Office and do it.  I never changed it with my district because I knew I was leaving at the end of the year and didn't want to go through the lengthy process (although I probably should contact them because my retirement account is still open).  It was amusing to see all the confusion this caused.  Some people never got used to my new name, others completely forgot my "old" name and so there was a lot of, "We don't have a Ms./Mrs. ___________ here!"

I still haven't changed things like my car loan and my student loans because it literally takes an act of God to get that stuff in motion and I just don't care enough.
2.  If you did/will change your name, did you have any hesitations?  If you didn't change it, why not?

Not really.  I felt a little bad because my parents have no sons, and none of my dad's relatives have sons, so our name ends with my generation.  I considered making my maiden name into my middle name, but I like my real middle name too much (plus my initials spell a word now, and I love that).
3.  Do you prefer "Ms." or "Mrs."?  

It doesn't really bother me.  When I taught in Texas, all the students called their teachers "Miss" or "Mister."  It used to drive some of my coworkers crazy, but I usually brushed it off.  I laugh now that I would GLADLY take "Miss" over the number of things my current students call me (like, "TEACHER!" or "HEY!")...

debbiem56

1. When you get married/got married, will you/did you change your name to your H's last name? (If married, how long did it take).   I did change my name to his, as I was using my ex-husband's name.  I started changing it a couple weeks later as the need arose.  14 months later, there a still a couple I haven't taken care of because of their stupid requirements.

2 If you did/will change your name, did you have any hesitations? If you didn't change it, why not?  I had hesitations because my kids all still have my former name, and more inportantly, I was known professionally that way.  I have a re-election campaign this year, so I have to work extra hard to let the voters know that I am the same person.

3. Do you prefer "Ms." or "Mrs."?   I prefer Mrs - old lady, old school

professorscience

Oh, and just a fun little "Ms./Mrs./Miss" story:

My first year teaching a student asked me if I was divorced, just out of the blue in front of a whole class.  I laughed and said no, and another kid said, "SHE'S ONLY LIKE 22 WHY WOULD SHE ALREADY BE DIVORCED" (which filled my heart with joy and then sadness, btw).  And the first student just asked, "Well, if you're not divorced, why are you 'MS. ______' and not 'MISS __________?'"

I found it pretty amusing.  I remember thinking that "Ms." was a distinction for a formerly married woman, but I don't know where I ever heard that, so it was pretty funny to find someone else with the same idea.

monkeysip

1.  Will be changing my name. 
2.  I love the idea of having my FI's name.  I want us to have the same name, and I guess I'm more traditional in wanting it to be the husband's.  HOWEVER... after changing it, my name will be the same as a particular (and kind of annoying) female chef on the food network.  It's a very recognizable name... and I don't really like the association.  Before I'd ever heard of her though, I thought it was going to be a great married name
3.  I thought Ms was for divorced women or older single women.  I didn't know it could be used for married women too.  But I never know much about proper etiquette for those types of things.

Riss91

1) I changed my last name - though I still haven't changed it on my passport. Oops!

2) I didn't really hesitate, though I LOVE my maiden name. I wanted to have the same last name as my husband. My marriage is part of my identity so it wasn't really a factor to me. I still include my maiden name as a middle name for business purposes - since most of my clients know me from my maiden name.

3) I prefer Mrs.  - probably bc I've definitely associated "Ms." as denoting an unmarried woman.

monkeysip

@ Prof

Lol, I posted before I saw your post.  I don't know why I always thought that about "Ms."  I guess because my mom changed to "Ms" when she got divorced.  *shrug*

Although I know that a lot of people (especially students) just say "Miss/Ms" and not "Mrs." just because it's kind of difficult to say.  But I thought that was just a pronunciation thing, not how they would write it out.

Calypso1977

1. When you get married/got married, will you/did you change your name to your H's last name? (If married, how long did it take). I kept mine.

2. If you did/will change your name, did you have any hesitations? If you didn't change it, why not?  i was over 30 when i married and established in my career.  i also really liked my  name and my father only had daughters and my sister opted to take her husband's name so the name ended with me. 

3. Do you prefer "Ms." or "Mrs."?  Ms.  I detest Mrs.  even if id taken my husband's name i just dont like Mrs. 

Calypso1977

HOWEVER... after changing it, my name will be the same as a particular (and kind of annoying) female chef on the food network. 

Monkey Ray?

Resa77

Miss is unmarried, Mrs. is married, and Ms. (pronounced "mizz") is either. A lot of people will write "Ms" to abbreviate "Miss," but that's not really correct. 

I think the main reason I changed my perspective on Ms. being ultra-feminist is because I realized that "miss" really sounds young, like a child.  I don't want to receive a wedding invitation at age 40 address to "Miss Resa," you know?  And I just think it's easier when you're talking to a client and you're not sure whether they're married...you can just call her "Ms. Last Name."  Problem solved! 

You know what's a HUUUUUGE pet peeve of mine, though?  Calling a married woman "miss."  I had a lot of friends who would call our married teachers "Miss Last Name" and it just made me unreasonably angry.  Likewise, I get annoyed when someone calls someone "Mrs. Last Name" when they know they're not married.  I'm weird lol.

Tami87

1.  When you get married/got married, will you/did you change your name to your H's last name?  (If married, how long did it take).

I plan to change my name but haven't gotten around to it yet, well except for facebook. (It's been 6 months since the wedding). At frist I didn't change it because shortly after the wedding I had a buisness trip, a friend's wedding, and then our delayed honeymoon that I had booked tickets for in my maiden name. Now we just booked plane tickets for Easter to see H's parents and I put them in my maiden name as well. I do plan to change it eventually though. I also plan to start using it professionally because I'm not very established in my field yet and my last name is very common. Plus I would prefer to have the same last name as my children.

2.  If you did/will change your name, did you have any hesitations?  If you didn't change it, why not?
No major hesitations, just lazy and it still sounds weird to be called by H's last name.

3.  Do you prefer "Ms." or "Mrs."?  Please feel free to add more questions!
Mrs. but no one ever calls me that in person, only on some of my mail such as a wedding invitation and a few christmas cards.

Resa77

Here's another question....how do you feel about children calling adults "Mr. First Name" or "Miss First Name?" 

When I was a kid, a had a friend who called all her Mom's friends this, and her friends did the same.  So her friends' parents were always "Miss Katie" or "Mr. John."  I always thought that was so much younger and hipper.  (My Mom was "old" so I was always really self conscious of my Mom having "old" people customs).  Now, though, I find it annoying.  Perhaps if it's a really close friend, it's fine.  But I don't think I would want my kids to call all the adults in their life by their first name. 

I REALLY despise people calling someone who is NOT their aunt "aunt."  (As in, there mother's girflriends.)  But I get the desire for your closest friends to have a more famililar title with your children, so I could see reserving the whole "Miss Katie" thing for that situation.

Chloeagh

1.  When you get married/got married, will you/did you change your name to your H's last name?  (If married, how long did it take). 
Yes I will. I'm going from First Middle SecondMiddle Maiden to First Middle FI'sLast.

2.  If you did/will change your name, did you have any hesitations?  If you didn't change it, why not?
No. I never really knew if I would or not. But then I said what my new name will be aloud, and I knew that was it.

3.  Do you prefer "Ms." or "Mrs."?
No preference at this point in my life. I'll probably  prefer Mrs.

erin5286

1. When you get married/got married, will you/did you change your name to your H's last name? (If married, how long did it take). 
I changed my last name to H's, but I'm still in the process of getting it changed on most things.  So far I've gotten to the DMV, my bank account, retirement accounts, notary stamp through the state of ND, the vet, and the dentist.  Sounds like a lot, but I still have a ton left o do.

2. If you did/will change your name, did you have any hesitations? If you didn't change it, why not?
I didn't have any hesitations - I always assumed I would change it when I got married, and want our family to all have the same last name.  I have two brothers so I'm not too worried about the maiden family name being carried on.  On H's side, he has a ton of cousins, etc. with the last name, but within his immediate family, out of 5 brothers, only one has kids, and only one boy.  I hope we have a few of our own to help carry on the family name!

3. Do you prefer "Ms." or "Mrs."? 
No real preference - probably Ms., just because Mrs. makes me feel a little old   I get addressed as Ms. more than anything just because that will happen at work, and it seems like people tend to use Ms. rather than Mrs. in a professional/office setting.

how do you feel about children calling adults "Mr. First Name" or "Miss First Name?" 
I guess it would be fine if that's what the adult wants to be called.  I think as a general rule kids should address adults as Mr./Mrs. LastName, unless the adult asks to be called by their first name, or by something else.  I can't see myself ever wanting to be called Mrs. Erin, that just seems odd..

Resa77

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_tuesday-questions-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:9726ff53-239d-4d34-b53f-755ac778f3c6Post:aaa2b9c8-895d-4ad1-be30-03b72bcdc277">Re: Tuesday Questions</a>:
[QUOTE]  I guess it would be fine if that's what the adult wants to be called.  I think as a general rule kids should address adults as Mr./Mrs. LastName, unless the adult asks to be called by their first name, or by something else.  I can't see myself ever wanting to be called Mrs. Erin, that just seems odd..
Posted by erin5286[/QUOTE]

That's a good point...if an adult prefers to be called something else, I think the child should comply.  I had neighbors whose last name was a sexual term, and so they insisted on being called by their first names by the neighborhood kids! 

I also think it's fine to call a teacher/babysitter/dance teacher/whatever "Miss First Name," if that's what they go by.  When I taught dance, that's what I went by, and that's what ever dance teacher I ever had went by!

professorscience

Monkey, I definitely have a guess.  

how do you feel about children calling adults "Mr. First Name" or "Miss First Name?"  

I never really got this whole thing.  My old roommate did this with all our friends' parents, and I remember thinking it was very annoying.  I mean, she'd do the "little girl" voice and everything.

As far as "aunt" and "uncle," I have a ton of those so it doesn't bother me.  I consider my closest friends to be my family.

professorscience

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_tuesday-questions-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:9726ff53-239d-4d34-b53f-755ac778f3c6Post:aaa2b9c8-895d-4ad1-be30-03b72bcdc277">Re: Tuesday Questions</a>:
[QUOTE] how do you feel about children calling adults "Mr. First Name" or "Miss First Name?"  I guess it would be fine if that's what the adult wants to be called. <strong> I think as a general rule kids should address adults as Mr./Mrs. LastName, unless the adult asks to be called by their first name</strong>, or by something else.  I can't see myself ever wanting to be called Mrs. Erin, that just seems odd..
Posted by erin5286[/QUOTE]

<div>I wish more kids were taught this.  I never dreamed of calling my teachers (or any other adult) by their first name, but more and more kids are taking so many liberties.  I have a bunch of kids who try to get away with calling me by my first name and then are actually indignant that I don't answer to that.</div><div>
</div><div>I just find it very presumptuous and ill-mannered.</div>

bibliophile2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_tuesday-questions-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:9726ff53-239d-4d34-b53f-755ac778f3c6Post:82a5f895-5f79-4a9b-956f-660db12d36ca">Tuesday Questions</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm having a hard time thinking of anything good, but here's the best I've got: 1.  When you get married/got married, will you/did you change your name to your H's last name?  (If married, how long did it take).  2.  If you did/will change your name, did you have any hesitations?  If you didn't change it, why not? 3.  Do you prefer "Ms." or "Mrs."?  Please feel free to add more questions!
Posted by Resa77[/QUOTE]

Late to the party, but playing anyway!

1. I changed it right away. I started a new job shortly after the wedding, so I did the main stuff ASAP to streamline things as much as possible with HR (rather than doing it and then redoing it 5 minutes later). The only problem was that it never, ever got changed on the online schedule/gradebook program, so I had all these issues with schedules and report cards and confused kids and parents, etc.

2. I didn't have any issues at all with taking it. I always assumed I would take my husband's last name when we got married, and had no qualms when I did it. Legally, I dropped my middle name, made my maiden name my middle name, and took my husband's last name. I use that as my middle and initial, but sort of think of myself as having two middle names. I'm sometimes sad that there is no one with our last name without getting to my grandpa's nephews and their kids, but we're mostly conservative and old-fashioned, so no one is too bothered by it.

3. Definitely Mrs. at this point. The good thing about teaching is that you get used to a new last name REALLY quickly. I used Ms. from my early 20s until I got married. Miss is somewhat juvenile to me, but I'm not a huge fan of Ms. either. Until I started using it, I thought of it as feminist/divorcee as well. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />

The first school I taught at used Ms. for alllll the female teachers to avoid confusion. The kids all called us "miss" or "teacher" anyway. I always found that terribly annoying. I had one girl last year who said Mrs.....uh.....in February. Even though I was the only female teacher she had and my name was on the wall behind her. Seriously. It just struck me as so disconnected or something. Getting off my tangent before it becomes a soapbox.

Resa77

I know a lot of people who do the aunt/uncle thing, so I know it's not some bizarre thing.  I just don't like it because it misuses a word.  If you call someone "Aunt Patti" then I will ask your Aunt Patti what it was like growing up as your mother's sister, you know?  I think part of it, too, is that my ex-SIL doesn't have her children call me or my sisters "Aunt," but they call SIL's friends "Aunt."  I think that's just made me annoyed at anyone be called "aunt" who isn't. 

mcda04

1.  When you get married/got married, will you/did you change your name to your H's last name?  (If married, how long did it take). 
I changed mine. I did my work, SSC and DL in one day but it took a few days to change my credit cards etc.

2.  If you did/will change your name, did you have any hesitations?  If you didn't change it, why not?
The only hesitation was whether or not I would keep my last name and just hyphenate. I ended up removing mine all together.

3.  Do you prefer "Ms." or "Mrs."? 
I prefer Mrs.

Tami87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_tuesday-questions-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:9726ff53-239d-4d34-b53f-755ac778f3c6Post:401bfb1d-18ed-477b-8e7e-a230fadbe470">Re: Tuesday Questions</a>:
[QUOTE]I know a lot of people who do the aunt/uncle thing, so I know it's not some bizarre thing.  I just don't like it because it misuses a word.  If you call someone "Aunt Patti" then I will ask your Aunt Patti what it was like growing up as your mother's sister, you know?  I think part of it, too, is that my ex-SIL doesn't have her children call me or my sisters "Aunt," but they call SIL's friends "Aunt."  I think that's just made me annoyed at anyone be called "aunt" who isn't. 
Posted by Resa77[/QUOTE]

I've thought about having my kids call a few of my close friends Aunt and Uncle, because I am an only child and H only has 1 sister, so not too many real Aunts or Uncles around. Also these are friends who I lived next door to and grew up with since we were all 7, 6, 5, and 3 years old. I consider them the closest thing I have to siblings. H is also really close with some of his cousins, so I can imagine treating their children like I would nieces or newphews. Although I guess our kids would be second cousins to eachother which I know a lot of people just refer to as cousins because it is easier.

The thing that would make my mom mad about calling people Aunts who aren't really your Aunt is that when I was little my Grandma would try to insist I call whoever my mom's younger brothers were dating Aunt so and so. My mom's youngest brothers were still in high school when I was born and didn't get married until their mid to late 30s so there were a fair number of "Aunts" in between. My mom thought it was really confusing to have me calling these women Aunts and then trying to explain why they weren't my Aunt anymore.

As for calling adults by their first name, when I was younger my parents insisted I call everyone Mr. or Mrs. LastName but many of my friends parents prefered to be called by their first name so I got used to that. Not sure yet what I will prefer when I have kids. Only time I have used Ms. FirstName was for preschool or dance teachers. H worked at boarding school for a while and is now teaching SOR so he is used to kids calling him Mr. LastName, but everyone at my work calls me by my first name so I think I would be thrown off if someone addressed me as Mrs. LastName.