Hope you all have been having a very blessed Lent.
It's cathartic for me to write this, so just bear with me as I ramble . . .
We've lost another pregnancy; I'm still in that strange, "trying to get back to normal, but what is normal?" place. Part of me thought - hoped - that after the birth of our son (thank you, dear Lord) my body would somehow stop having miscarriages, but of course, we know now that that isn't the case. It makes our son even more of a unbelievable miracle.
As the subject title says, "Thank God for NFP." We wanted and planned this baby, and after two negative pregnancy tests, I was able to walk into my doctor's office and say, "I know I'm pregnant. Yes, I'm still nursing but yes, I know I ovulated. I'm ten days past my average start date and every one of those days had an elevated temperature. The tests aren't picking it up. I am telling you that something is wrong."
So they gave me a blood test, and confirmed it. A few days later, the nurse happened to call me on the morning that my temperature finally dropped, and when I picked up the phone, I started sobbing and I told her that I knew I wasn't holding on to the baby. I'm no medical professional - far from it - but because of what I've learned from NFP, I knew what was happening in my own body.
The most important part of all this is that God has blessed us, so richly. Every time I am pregnant, I become more convinced of the Church's teaching on the sanctity of life. Every time we've suffered a loss, the Lord has increased my faith somehow, and helped me see His hand in it. But I am human and frail and far from perfect. I'm crying as I write this, because selfishly, I want all five of my children here with me now. I'm remembering women on this board who, without a doubt, have suffered more than I have.
And you know . . . I promised Him when our son was born that if He never gave us another child, I would remain thankful to Him and eternally grateful for the little one we do have. I didn't know at the time what His answer would be, but losing another baby has only reminded me that we are called to seek His grace, and be happy and content even in the midst of grief.
We are very, very blessed to know and love Him. May we never take Him for granted.
God bless you all.