Speaking of Engagement Encounter... Is it worth it?

CourtneyJ258

I've known my FI for 10 years and know him very well. Is this more for those that are engaged to get to know each other better? or Is it truly an experience to have before marriage? If you've attended, is it worth it?

Thanks!
Courtney

osterhouta

Courtney, I went last weekend and do think it's worth it.  My FI and I have been together 3 years and are older (35 & 37), both were very skeptical going in (feeling as though we just had to check the box)....but both left Sunday feeling closer than ever.  It's expensive and it's intense....but it's a good option for folks who's schedules don't allow 6-8 weekends at home in a row for counseling w/the church.

MissAngel

My FI had been together for 5 years and I felt we pretty knew everything about each other.  There were a few issues that came up that we sort of avoided in the past (we talked about them, but we both know agreed to disagreed previously) and since this weekend is solely focused on your relationship (not really much else to do and you don't leave), it forces you to relook at everything.  If nothing else, I felt our bond was even stronger after we left.

It was required by our diocese though, so I don't know if we would have done it if it wasn't, although I really enjoyed the weekend thinking about it afterwards.

wifeandmommy0609

My Fl and I have been together for 8 years and we went and we thought it was worth it. I would have to say there were a few things we felt didn't apply to us but we did it all.  We felt closer to each other when we left.

hope you get some good things out of it.

mica178

Yes.  While I felt a lot of it was lighter than I'd like, it still brought up stuff that I thnik all engaged couples should discuss but often don't.  We did one group activity where this one couple pretty much disagreed on every topic.  I hope they had a long discussion after that and before they walked down the aisle!

ootmother2

That's an interesting question, actually.

M and her now H did not have one suggested, much less required.  In my honest opinion, their over all marriage prep was a bit light.

Their MOH & BM, marriend to each other now just by coincidence, had it required for them in their parish and they raved about how great it was for them.

They thought, as a couple, that they were very much in touch with each other and the vows they were about to take.  After taking the EE weekend, they said how valuable it had been to them as a couple and are so happy they did it.

[Deleted User]

We thought it was worth it. I was very hesitant at first b/c I felt our priest had done a good job of preparing us. I also knew we had talked about most every issue that comes up in marriage, but there were a few that we did not hit on. I am glad we went. It was a very informative and enlightening weekend.

arrabelle

hey mica-

can you tell us more of what you mean by this?  

"While I felt a lot of it was lighter than I'd like...." 

i'm totally intrigued by EE (i posted the other question about EE for non-catholics!) and i wonder if we should start our premarriage counseling there where lots of different issues will come up, and then do some ongoing counseling after the fact.....what do you guys think about that?

i come from a divorce-happy family and we both want our marriage to last, so we are taking the preparation seriously!

xo ladies-

mica178

I felt that the EE was as deep as the couples wanted it to be.  Our leading married couples used examples that were very superficial.  For example, when they talked about marital disagreements, they mentioned differences in house cleaning philosophies or in travel habits.  They didn't talk about anything that really required soul searching.

A lot of our EE was writing in notebooks on various topics.  Questions were open ended, and the only person who saw our answers was our FI, so if I didn't have a more inquisitive FI, I could have gotten away with written vagueness.  Both H and I took it very seriously because we both feel/felt that a good foundation is essential, so I think we got a lot out of it, but I could see where some people could leave EE with no more insight as to how their FI felt about the upcoming nuptials and lifetime together.  In that sense, I think that it would be nice for someone to challenge the engaged couples more to talk about the uncomfortable stuff.

Both H and I are fans of ongoing counseling.  Right now, we're participating as guiding couples in another couple's pre-marriage prep, and it provides us a chance to re-explore our marriage prep.  

newlyseliski

Definitely... my fiance and I are both catholic, pretty serious about our faith and have been dating for a total of 4 1/2 years now (he's been in school) and also felt like we wouldn't have anything to gain from the weekend, but we definitely learned a lot! 

The way our diocese structured it involved multiple sessions talking about different aspects of marriage (theology of marriage, finances, communication, families of origin, practice of faith, sex, NFP, panel of married couples, etc.) and allowed us time afterward each session to just discuss it between ourselves.  They gave us a great booklet that went into even more depth on each of those topics.  The retreat was on Friday evening, all day Saturday and concluded with confession and Mass on Saturday evening.

Ditto PP... it's so true that it is what you make of it... if both you and your fiance are seriously invested in your future marriage, it's a great opportunity to focus on your relationship for an extended period of time and build a good foundation for your future together.  It's intense (depending on your program content and diocese)... but so worth it.

chrissyann02

FI & I just had our EE retreat a week ago. I'm still conflicted about how I feel about EE. We found a couple of the sessions/activities to be worthwhile because it allowed us to talk more openly about our expectations for our marriage and the role religion will have in our home. On the other hand, we only went to EE b/c it was required, thought it was super long & intense, it was expensive, and we felt that the host couples were not prepared. I don't know about other host couples, but they in addition to our priest just read scripts & had a hard time getting their stories straight when they would tell us about their "personal experiences". It just made FI & I feel like it was a bunch of bull & they were telling us a generic story rather than their own story. I think we would have benefitted from it more if the sessions would have been more engaging and genuine. Lastly, I think EE is best for couples that haven't been dating long or have avoided certain topics. FI & I have been together for 10 years so there definitely weren't any surprises b/c we have already talked about all of the topics addressed in EE. In our case, I don't feel like EE made a huge impact in our relationship, but other couples seemed to benefit from it and it brought them closer together.