Prayer of the Faithful problem

rcj2rcd

I apologize for posting twice today and for the length of this post.

I asked a relative to read the general intercessions at our Nuptial Mass - however, one of the prayers is causing a rift, "For those who have gone before us, especially our departed family members and friends, may they rest in peace". This relative (she is non-denominational) is saying that praying for the deceased is not in-line with biblical teachings because our life after death is determined by our choices while we are alive and cannot be changed once you have died.

Did I mess up when I wrote the prayer? I joined the Church last year and still have a lot to learn about my Catholic faith, but this type of prayer seemed pretty common to me. If this is instead an issue between the differences in beliefs between Catholics and non-Catholics, then I suspect I may have to ask someone else to read the prayers. Can someone help me with the Catholic Church's view on including a prayer for the deceased?

Thank you

GeorgiaPeachMarie

We included something similar in ours. We asked a Catholic friend to read ours and our non-Catholic relatives (read every member of our family as we were converts) considered it a beautiful way to include them. 

divinemsbee

I think your relative is being a little nit-picky over this. While what she says is true, and where you go in the hereafter is determined by one's choices, and no, you can't really change it (unless we're talking indulgences and purgatory), what exactly does she want you to say instead?
"We're not sure where those have gone before us are, but if they're in heaven we hope they're happy, and if they're in hell, it's their own fault." That sounds just horrible. It's a wedding, and while we do have notes in programs or candles lit, or prayers to honor and remember our dead whom we have loved; a wedding is about new life.

I think it sounds lovely, but if you're really worried, e-mail a list of your intercessions to your priest or the church wedding co-ordinator, and if they're fine with it, then find someoen else to read it.

monkeysip

Praying for the dead is not just nice, it is a Catholic's duty.  At every mass we pray for the dead.  

First of all, many souls are in purgatory, so we MUST pray for these souls.  They are depending upon us, and our prayers have the power to help purge them of their attachments to sin and release them into heaven.

Second of all, God, heaven, and hell are all outside of time.  So God is not bound to the restrictions of a temporal world.  Theoretically, our prayers can retroactively intercede for people at their death.  

Of course, we should avoid strife with our protestant brothers and sisters as much as possible, but I wouldn't change this prayer.  If your relative is truly uncomfortable with it, then ask some one else.

debbiem56

Thanks for bringing this up.  I had not thought about it.  I just asked my FI about this as he is Protesant.  He explained it to me, but said that he personally had no problem with it, he understands our beliefs, and knows it is part of our prayer, and likes the idea of including our deceased parents.  His opinion is the most important to me.

Riss91

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_prayer-of-faithful-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:ca0c647f-634a-4f8d-bb33-e645a27b5665Post:167cad1b-7c6a-426b-9bf1-99ed9d280aaf">Re: Prayer of the Faithful problem</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Praying for the dead is not just nice, it is a Catholic's duty.  At every mass we pray for the dead.   First of all, many souls are in purgatory, so we MUST pray for these souls.  They are depending upon us, and our prayers have the power to help purge them of their attachments to sin and release them into heaven. Second of all, God, heaven, and hell are all outside of time.  So God is not bound to the restrictions of a temporal world.  Theoretically, our prayers can retroactively intercede for people at their death.  </strong> Of course, we should avoid strife with our protestant brothers and sisters as much as possible, but I wouldn't change this prayer.  If your relative is truly uncomfortable with it, then ask some one else.
Posted by monkeysip[/QUOTE]


THIS!!

catarntina

I had a similar intercession at my wedding. We mentioned names specifically, but it was along the same lines as yours.  "For those who have gone before us, especially (insert names), we pray to the Lord."

I would not change what you have.  If she is uncomfortable, I'd ask someone else to read it.

rcj2rcd

Thank you all for your advice. The idea of removing the prayer bothered me but I wanted to make sure I wasn't making a mountain out of a molehill.

I respect her right to object to the prayer and her choice to decline to read if it is included, but at the same time, I also have the right to object to removing the prayer. My family was not pleased with me converting and this is not the first issue they have had with the ceremony. However, I am not going to change elements of the ceremony to accomodate others.

Thanks again for your advice

ootmother2

We included the FOG's parents, Lutheran, I believe and the godmother of the bride who was Congregationalist.

You can pray for anyone you want, they don't have to be the same religion as you.

bibliophile2010

We included a similar prayer to that of Cat, naming deceased relatives (only 2 of whom were Catholic). My non-Catholic sister read them and choked up. There wasn't a dry eye in the house.

HandBanana

You are correct in praying for those who have passed.  I'm sorry the reader is giving you a problem with it. 

We included the names of our grandparents who had passed and my hubby's great uncle who had passed the week before.

lalaith50

It seems like everyone keeps explaining it like it's the fault of the readers for not understanding Catholic teaching, but I just want to say-- since they are non-Catholics, then that IS what they believe, that you shouldn't pray for the dead. IF it's true that there is no purgatory and the state of ones soul at death determines whether one goes instantly to heaven or to hell, then of course it doesn't make sense to pray for the dead!

So there's nothing wrong with the friends objecting to praying this, but as everyone has already pointed out, there is certainly an explanation FOR praying it, so if they just don't agree with the Catholic teaching, then you should just find someone else to pray it.

(and honestly, I would not respect a non-Catholic very much who DIDN'T have a problem praying this! I would be like, "do you even know what you believe?!")

rcj2rcd

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_prayer-of-faithful-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:ca0c647f-634a-4f8d-bb33-e645a27b5665Post:89431ec8-7b22-4af7-b178-54e1378e62bd">Re: Prayer of the Faithful problem</a>:
[QUOTE]It seems like everyone keeps explaining it like it's the fault of the readers for not understanding Catholic teaching, but I just want to say-- since they are non-Catholics, then that IS what they believe, that you shouldn't pray for the dead. IF it's true that there is no purgatory and the state of ones soul at death determines whether one goes instantly to heaven or to hell, then of course it doesn't make sense to pray for the dead! So there's nothing wrong with the friends objecting to praying this, but as everyone has already pointed out, there is certainly an explanation FOR praying it, so if they just don't agree with the Catholic teaching, then you should just find someone else to pray it. (and honestly, I would not respect a non-Catholic very much who DIDN'T have a problem praying this! I would be like, "do you even know what you believe?!")
Posted by lalaith50[/QUOTE]

lalaith - thank you for posting this. It's exactly what I've been researching for the past few days and now I completely understand her objection to the prayer. I told her last night that I respected her beliefs and conviction, but am not removing the prayer. It was actually a very nice conversation. Now I have to find someone else to read...

monkeysip

@ lalaith

Yes, protestants don't believe in purgatory, but what about my second point?

"Second of all, God, heaven, and hell are all outside of time.  So God is not bound to the restrictions of a temporal world.  Theoretically, our prayers can retroactively intercede for people at their death. "

This is true no matter what religion you are.  People who are against praying for the dead put restrictions on God and his mercy that can't exist if God is really God.