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Bratty Bridesmaid rant

Hi ladies,

I'm sorry to rant about this, but I'm out of ideas and I don't know what to do. My fiance and I are getting married in July and my very generous parents are paying for the wedding.  Because of this, we're trying to keep the wedding as simple as possible.  They understand that since my FH is in grad school in Washington, all of our money is going toward the cost of moving, flights to see one another and student loans.

Three weeks ago, my maid of honor called and ranted for a good twenty minutes about how expensive it was going to be to come to my wedding all the way from Chicago.  She was listing the flight (for her and the boyfriend I can't stand but was inviting because she loves him) and cost of a dress and gift as the primary expense.  I told her that her gift would just be showing up!  I also told her that as for dresses, all I cared about is that they're gray, but they could be any style and price they wanted since my bridesmaids are all so different. She then announced that at least theywould be staying with me which would take care of the room and food.  This was the first I'd heard about it!

We're leaving for Washington two days after the wedding and my small one bedroom apartment will be in boxes (and probably on a moving truck being shipped to our new city) a week before the wedding.  I told her I was really sorry, but it wouldn't be possible for her to stay with me since there really wouldn't be any furniture at my apartment.  I offered to help her find a place to stay with one of my relatives or an affordable hotel.

She ranted for another twenty minutes about how much this was going to cost her, and how exasperating all of this was.  I suggested that maybe, she could stay with her boyfriend's family at their house, and there was more ranting.  I didn't know what to do so I said she didn't even have to buy a dress, I just really wanted her there.  I told her she could stand with the other bridesmaids or sit with the rest of our friends and family and just be in the pictures.  That's when she hung up on me.  I realized she assumed I was uninviting her from the bridal party, so I called her right back and tried to explain that it wasn't the case, but that I'm not in a position to help her financially and she had turned down all my other suggestions.  She hung up on me again.

She hasn't returned phone calls, texts or im's in three weeks.  I've apologized several times for the misunderstandings over countless messages and I keep asking for her new address.  This morning, I wake up to a text that said, "I've been busy and we won't be coming.  If you'd like a gift, you can let me know where you're registered."

What am I supposed to do?  I've been vacillating between fury and tears all day long and I don't know what to do.  Any suggestions?

Re: Bratty Bridesmaid rant

  • edited December 2011
    Yuck.  Just yuck!  This is such an awful situation for you to be in; especially at the hands of someone you consider one of your closest friends.  First off, I would say to have a good, long cry.  This just plain sucks and your feelings are hurt, and it's okay to feel that way. 

    Second, it sounds like you did all you could and offered all you could (in a clear and assertive way) to help the situation.  Don't walk away feeling like it's your fault because it's sounds like you've done a lot!  It seems as though she's got something going on to kickstart this whole thing out of nowhere.  Maybe her feelings are hurt over something else that happened between you two, or she is strapped for cash and embarrassed about it but it's coming across as snotty behavior, or something else is going on in her life that is big and painful.

    She is acting very inappropriately, but if you are still interested in salvaging the friendship, you may have to be the bigger person and let things go.  Reach out to her in a non-wedding related way and let her know that you are worried about her, love her, and are afraid that you might have hurt her feelings.  Let her know how imortant she is to you and how hard it would be for you to think you'd lost her as a friend.

    If she's a good friend, she may even realize that she's hurt your feelings and get in touch with you later, after she's cooled off a bit.

    I really hope things work out for you.  Good luck!
  • In Response to Re: Bratty Bridesmaid rant:
    Yuck.  Just yuck!  This is such an awful situation for you to be in; especially at the hands of someone you consider one of your closest friends.  First off, I would say to have a good, long cry.  This just plain sucks and your feelings are hurt, and it's okay to feel that way.  Second, it sounds like you did all you could and offered all you could (in a clear and assertive way) to help the situation.  Don't walk away feeling like it's your fault because it's sounds like you've done a lot!  It seems as though she's got something going on to kickstart this whole thing out of nowhere.  Maybe her feelings are hurt over something else that happened between you two, or she is strapped for cash and embarrassed about it but it's coming across as snotty behavior, or something else is going on in her life that is big and painful. She is acting very inappropriately, but if you are still interested in salvaging the friendship, you may have to be the bigger person and let things go.  Reach out to her in a non-wedding related way and let her know that you are worried about her, love her, and are afraid that you might have hurt her feelings.  Let her know how imortant she is to you and how hard it would be for you to think you'd lost her as a friend. If she's a good friend, she may even realize that she's hurt your feelings and get in touch with you later, after she's cooled off a bit. I really hope things work out for you.  Good luck!
    Posted by Carlydl
    I totally agree with this!! It really sucks that she put you in this position. You can't blame yourself for it. You gave her options and that's all you can really do.
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  • I know this was a while ago, But did it all work out between you two?
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