Honeymoon Discussions

How are you paying for your honeymoon?

My FI and I have gotten into many... not arguments but.. bickers (ha is that right?) about how to deal with the honeymoon situation. How to pay for it more specifically. We're both graduating college in May and getting married in June. My parents are paying for the wedding. My FI has yet to set down with his parents about paying for the honeymoon but is hestitant because they "do not have the money to pay for a honeymoon". Our options would be for us to take out a personal loan or to ask my parents. Taking out a loan would really stretch us because we are just getting on our feet, finding jobs, getting a new house... I would hate to ask my parents for more money than they are already providing.

Postponing a honeymoon is such.. a devestation. No one wants that of course and we definitely don't.

How are you paying for your honeymoon? How did you ask your FI's parents to pay?
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Re: How are you paying for your honeymoon?

  • Well first, it's not okay to ask your FI's parents to pay for the HM, that is just rude. It is your HM, therefore you are responsible for it. Secondly, never take out a loan just to take a vacation, a honeymoon is exactly just that. 

    Why would waiting be a devastation? Many couples nowadays wait for months even up to years before taking their HM so they could save up for it. H and I paid for our entire wedding and HM, we didn't ask our parents for any money although they did give us money as wedding presents and took care of the RD(his) and our after party(mine). 
  • MelissaC315MelissaC315 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think you're smart to be hesitant to take out a loan for a honeymoon. I definitely wouldn't. You don't want to start off your married life in debt, esp. for a trip. I don't think I'd ask either of your parents either. Your parents have been generous enough paying for the wedding. If they offer than that's great but if they don't I think you have two options: 1) postpone the honeymoon and do a 6 month or 1 year anniversary trip? Not the most ideal but you'll still have fun. 2) start saving up money now (part time jobs, etc. for the honeymoon and pay for it yourselves (and I know you're not supposed to count on "gifts" or money from the wedding but you can always use some of the money you receive from guests to go towards a honeymoon as well.

    FI and I are paying for our honeymoon ourselves. My parents are generously paying for the wedding so we are paying for our own attire and the honeymoon ourselves. I'm still in grad school and he's just out but we are budgetting and saving up money and we're able to do it.
  • I agree that it would be rude to ask either set of parents to pay for your honeymoon. If anyone offers to help, of course you can graciously accept their offer. There's no polite way to ask for money though.

    We paid for our own honeymoon. We figured out what we could afford on our own and planned a trip within that budget. If we had been in your position, we would have waited to to take a trip until we could afford to pay for it. IMO, it would be more devastating to start off our marriage with unnecessary debt than to wait some extra time before we took a vacation.
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  • We are NOT asking my FI's parents to pay for the honeymooon. Let's stop the bashing right there. It's "traditional" that they do, which is why I brought it up. I also said I was hesitant about taking out the loan which is why I am mentinoing that too. 

    Having a wedding and going on a honeymoon goes hand-in-hand. All of our close friensd have done it in the past year, and it's something you look forward to. We have done tons of research and looking at different resorts so of course we are excited to go. Waiting would be really sad. We don't want to do that. Who does? That's why I'm asking how other people plan this out.
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  • When we got engaged and started planning our wedding hubbys parents graciously offered us $1500.00 toward our honeymoon. The other $2000.00 we put toward it, we used their money for the down payment to lock in the plane tickets and then saved money every paycheck and whenever we would work overtime we would put that money toward it. We first figured out how much we could save in a years time with out touching our savings and then didnt spend more than that. The only time I would ever recommend a loan for a vacation, which is what a honeymoon is at the end of the day, is if you have a credit card that is interest free for a certain time period, and you can pay off the entire amount in that time period so you dont accrue interest. If that wont work, why not take a short trip to somewhere close for a couple of days and then save up and take a big trip around your first anniversary

  • MNVegasMNVegas member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It is not your FI's parents responsibility to pay for your HM. You already know they can't afford so don't expect them to pay. Pay for it yourself.  If you can't afford it then wait until you can. That is what many, many people do.

    Seriously not having a honeymoon is not a "devestation", at least not for adults. Grow up! 
  • HobokensFuryHobokensFury member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    We paid for our HM the old fashioned way- we saved up.  You shouldn't expect FI's parents to pay for a HM for you.  Believe it or not a HM is not a necessary part of the wedding.
     
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  • FI and I are paying for it ourselves - and since we know that it is X months away, once we decide what we're doing, we'll be putting extra money aside for it each month.

    We also are deciding what we are comfortable spending BEFORE looking at destinations so we know what is doable and what is not.

    It is inappropriate to ask anyone to pay for your honeymoon. Plan what you can afford - if that's nothing at this point, well, then make the adult decision and postpone. A lot of couples do it (and we may have to, depending upon my school schedule).

    Quit comparing yourselves to your friends/associates. You have different lives with different finances and circumstances - that's great that they could afford honeymoons right away. You aren't them. If you are so devastated at not being able to take a vacation (because, afterall, that is what a honeymoon is) then perhaps you aren't ready to get married yet.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_paying-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:0229efce-0ca8-4db3-8581-efb62bc397c7Post:3c280cf9-180a-4abe-8341-3757c7e71e10">Re: How are you paying for your honeymoon?</a>:
    [QUOTE]When we got engaged and started planning our wedding hubbys parents graciously offered us $1500.00 toward our honeymoon. The other $2000.00 we put toward it, we used their money for the down payment to lock in the plane tickets and then saved money every paycheck and whenever we would work overtime we would put that money toward it. We first figured out how much we could save in a years time with out touching our savings and then didnt spend more than that. The only time I would ever recommend a loan for a vacation, which is what a honeymoon is at the end of the day, is if you have a credit card that is interest free for a certain time period, and you can pay off the entire amount in that time period so you dont accrue interest. If that wont work, <strong>why not take a short trip to somewhere close for a couple of days and then save up and take a big trip around your first anniversary</strong>
    Posted by bridetobemo[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>This is what we are doing. Since we are paying for almost all of our wedding ourselves, it just isn't an option to pay for a HM right away. I am in no way devastated. I am marrying the love of my life, and we have the rest of lives to go on vacation.</div><div>
    </div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_paying-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:11Discussion:0229efce-0ca8-4db3-8581-efb62bc397c7Post:a1a731a1-db74-4f9e-a911-d9a58631fbcb">Re: How are you paying for your honeymoon?</a>:
    [QUOTE]It is not your FI's parents responsibility to pay for your HM. You already know they can't afford so don't expect them to pay. Pay for it yourself.  If you can't afford it then wait until you can. That is what many, many people do. Seriously not having a honeymoon is not a "devestation", at least not for adults. Grow up! 
    Posted by MNVegas[/QUOTE]



    Couldnt agree more with this post!
    I was married on July 9, 2011 and due to family from overseas extending their stay and the fact that my dh had just started his job, we figured it was best not to.rush a honeymoon. (We are actually now in the works.of planning a "one-eymoon" for next July, which is going to be much better than if we had a honeymoon after the wedding)
    By the way, it was not devistation, in fact it wasnt a big deal at all to not go right away. When certain obligations, priorities, and realities kick in- sometimes u need to alter your plans and get over the fact that you wont be able to follow suit like your friends and go directly on some honeymoon that you cant even afford after the wedding. Why not start saving now and take a low key vacation for just a couple days? U can easily find something nice for under $1000.

    Oh and to be angry that your fiance wont ask for money from his parents when he knows they cant afford it is flat out rude. Be grateful u have your whole wedding paid for and dont fault him or his family for not being as fortunate as your side of the family!! Nowadays there is no such thing as "traditional" with who pays for what... in fact a majority of the brides on here pay for most of their own expenses!
  • Seriously ???

    This is going to sound harsh, but you need a wake up call.

    Getting married is an ADULT decision, so you should act like an adult. I am right around your age (21) and my FI and I are paying for our whole entire wedding and honeymoon ourselves, by saving money. We have been engaged for a year, and our wedding is still more then a year and a half away. We are still having a large outdoor wedding, and are traveling to the Caribbean for our honeymoon. It can be done. We are having a long engagement so we can pay for everything on our own, over a period of time, while also saving for a down payment on a house. Millions of other people do it each year, I think its time you grow up and do it too.

    If you think not going on a honeymoon is "devastating" just wait til you cant make a payment on your car, or a credit card bill, etc.

    You are very lucky that your family is contributing so much to your wedding, but it is NOT anyone's responsibility besides your own to pay for your honeymoon.

    Open a savings account specifically for your honeymoon, and save a little from each paycheck. Stop acting spoiled and ungrateful. Your not entitled to anything, and your just being rude to your fiance's family AND your fiance. Thats not a great way to start a life together.
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  • edited December 2011
    Not being able to go on a fancy vacation does NOT equal devastation. A devastation is something like losing your house in a fire or having a loved one die. Frankly, I think you need to straighten out your priorities.

    It doesn't matter what you think is "traditional." You can't and shouldn't ask anyone to pay for anything. If you can't afford a trip right now, you don't take one. Honestly, you sound incredibly immature in this thread, whining about not being able to go on vacation. Sure, being able to go on a HM right away is desirable and fun, but as an adult, sometimes we can't always do what's desirable or fun and have to make smart decisions.

    FWIW, H and I saved up and paid for a small mini-HM ourselves. We couldn't afford an elaborate trip either, so we went to Chicago for a few days (we lived in the Chicago suburbs at the time, about a 30 min. drive). We had an absolute blast. We have now saved up almost enough to take a bigger trip for our 2nd anniversary coming up in Sept. and we'll do that instead.

    Get over it. You can take a small trip, a "staycation," or save up for a couple years and take a bigger trip down the road. You have plenty of years to travel still. A HM isn't the end all, be all.
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  • Do you have any idea how many couples don't take/postpone/take a small inexpensive trip?! I'm shocked at your feeling of entitlement. Just b/c you get married you don't have a honeymoon just fall in your lap. As to how my husband and I did it-we got married when we were financially stable with good jobs and no debt other than my house payment and our cars. We also planned a week long honeymoon to St. Barth that was within our means so that it was paid off in full. We were married when we were 26/25 years old. 

    Lastly, as to 'tradition' stating that the grooms parents pay that is false. We had a very traditional wedding and most things were covered by the family that 'traditionaly' pays. I hate to tell you but the honeymoon is traditionaly the responsibility of the groom-not his family. And seriously I can't believe you are even bringing that up when you said you know they can't afford it!
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  • gundy21gundy21 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You can't always get what you want - especially when you are just starting out.

    The 'traditional" breakdown of who pays for what parts of the wedding just doesn't exist anymore.

    My DH and I both have good paying jobs.  We paid for over half the wedding ourselves (my parents graciously paid for part and ILs hosted the RD at their home).  We have 9 months living expenses in the bank and we decided that we weren't tapping into that for a honeymoon.  I cannot even imagine going into debt for a trip.  We did a 4 day getaway 90 minutes from home in Chicago.  Got a great deal on a very upscale hotel online and just enjoyed some time by ourselves with no set schedule.  Total cost including major splurges on food, hotel, and train/cabs - under $1000. 

    You live in Arkansas, right?  How about renting a cabin in the Ozarks for a few days-week?  A fun trip to Memphis or St. Louis?
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  • ignoring everything else in your post, check out livingsocial escapes for great deals. They often have local bed and breakfasts, or last minute trips for really great prices. You wouldn't get to be picky about where you're going, but a last minute trip is better than nothing.
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  • I agree with all the ladies here... you are very fortunate that your parents are paying for the wedding. My Fi and I are paying for our own wedding and honeymoon too. We just have a long engagement... we got engaged in November 2010, but wont have our wedding til May 2012. Just have a short trip to a close big city or even postpone it for a few months - while you guys save up for your dream trip. And to answer your questions:

    How are you paying for your honeymoon? By saving money, not taking out a loan.

    How did you ask your FI's parents to pay? We didnt. We didnt ask any of our parents to help in any way... his dad is a single dad, my parents make 20K a year...so there is no way, either parents are able to contribute.
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  • We paid for our honeymoon the same way we paid for our wedding and our house down payment. We saved for it.

    No one wants to start their marriage with money issues and in debt. Postpone the honeymoon or postpone the wedding until you can afford the honeymoon if it's so important to you to go away right away.
  • Let me preface this by saying that my family and I are extremely traditional in almost every way. My parents are paying for our wedding entirely. Traditionally, the bride's parents would pay for the wedding, and the groom's parents would pay for the RD and honeymoon. However, this is not necessary and rarely occurs today. No one is obligated to pay for anything for your wedding or honeymoon. I understand how 'traditionally' it may seem that way, but many traditions do not hold today. Therefore:

    How are you paying for your honeymoon? My FI and I are paying for our honeymoon. We are using some of our savings to do so. We are in a great financial position and are able to do so; however, if we weren't, we would not be going on an extravagant honeymoon. I am against unnecessary debt and would not take out a loan to go on a vacation.  

    How did you ask your FI's parents to pay? We didn't ask them to pay. I wouldn't ever feel comfortable asking anyone for money to fund my honeymoon.

    I understand that it is dissapointing to not be able to go on a honeymoon right away.  But if I were you, I would not take on debt to do so.

    "Judging a person does not define who they are. It defines who you are."
  • Wow, let me start off by saying how lucky you are that your parents are paying for your whole wedding! Some may think it's "tradition" but it's a very outdated tradition, that not many follow anymore. That tradition started a long time ago when people got married at a much younger age, now that most people get married after they've graduated college and start their careers and are more established, most adults pay for their own wedding and honeymoon. Some get help from their parents, but most don't get an entire free ride for the wedding and honeymoon. Especially in these rough economic times, not many people have tens of thousands of dollars sitting in the bank waiting to be spent on such things.

    DH and I knew what kind of wedding and honeymoon we wanted, so we planned accordingly and saved. We also had a longer engagement than we would have liked, but it was necessary to save. We received help from our parents, but most of it was on us.

    You and your FI need to sit down and come up with a budget of what you can afford for your HM. Maybe you should plan a mini-moon and go away for just the weekend after the wedding, and plan a bigger trip for later on when you can afford more. The wedding and the HM is no one's responsibility to pay for except you guys. You're very fortunate to have the wedding paid for, so knowing this, you and your FI should create a budget and a savings plan to save up for the HM you want.
  • jemmini6jemmini6 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    OP, I'm sorry, but it sounds like you really need a wake up call, so the following might come off a bit harsh, but I think it's exactly what you need to hear at this point.

    If YOU can't afford a honeymoon (and definitely do NOT ask either set of parents for money to pay for it), then you don't get to take one.  It's called being an adult and making adult decisions and being financially responsible.  Sometimes, you can't afford everything you want, so you go without, it's that simple.

    My husband and I had a relatively long (14 month) engagement to give us time to save up.  We paid for our own wedding, our own honeymoon, and we even bought our own house, with $0 from either of our parents.  You know why?  Because we are mature enough to realize that if we want something, we need to work for it and not expect everything to be handed to us.

    Also, taking out a loan for a vacation is just plain stupid.  No vacation, even your HM, is worth going into long term debt for (there's a difference between booking flights on a credit card and paying it off within 2 - 3 months vs taking out a personal loan at a bank that will take you 10 years to pay off, including doubling the principal in interest).

    You are not alone in not being able to afford a HM right after the wedding, MANY women on these boards have gone several months, if not years after their wedding.  It's not as devastating as you are making it out to be.  But I can tell you what would be devastating...offending either of your parents by expecting them to pay, or starting off your marriage in debt.

    So OP, take a step back and realize what's important here...your marriage.  Then sit down with your FI, determine how much money you need to go where you want to go, and then create a savings plan to help you reach that goal.  Welcome to adulthood...
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  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_paying-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:0229efce-0ca8-4db3-8581-efb62bc397c7Post:88caecd3-9636-4772-b317-acd5c63ee410">Re: How are you paying for your honeymoon?</a>:
    [QUOTE]We are NOT asking my FI's parents to pay for the honeymooon. Let's stop the bashing right there. It's "traditional" that they do, which is why I brought it up. I also said I was hesitant about taking out the loan which is why I am mentinoing that too.  Having a wedding and going on a honeymoon goes hand-in-hand. All of our close friensd have done it in the past year, and it's something you look forward to. We have done tons of research and looking at different resorts so of course we are excited to go. Waiting would be really sad. We don't want to do that. Who does? That's why I'm asking how other people plan this out.
    Posted by mbishop7[/QUOTE]

    Between this post and your first, I literally can't read anymore.

    You pay for your honeymoon.  If you can't afford it, then you don't have one.

    I mean this with respect - you need to grow up.  A lot.
  • Well, we waited to go on a honeymoon until four and a half months after our wedding and it wasn't "a devastation" at all. It was what we had to do to be able to afford a honeymoon we wanted. We used some of the money we received as wedding gifts and then saved up the rest. 
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  • My FI is paying for the HM out of his savings. I am paying for our wedding with the help of my parents out of my savings. It is our trip so why would I expect someone else to pay for it. If someone asked me to give them money to go on a trip I would give them a big NO.

    If you do not have the money to go on a big trip then take a small one and on your anniversary five years from now go on a big one.

    When my parents got married 32 years ago, my dad had just started law school and my mother was 19. They had nothing and went literally camping all over the state of California. Did they recommend this to me? No, but that is what they could afford and they remember still just as well as a lavish resort.
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  • if you can't afford it and no one has offered to pay for it you dont take one. simple as that.

     

  • I'm not going to go over how you shouldn't ever ask for money from people, pay your own yadda yadda. I agree, but it's been said many times.

    FI and I sat down. We went over our budget and what we're comfortable spending. We're going to talk to a TA to find a nice AI in Mexico, Belize, somewhere like that and put the deposit down. Then pay the rest beforehand. We have a set budget and we know what's important to us.
  • RamonaFlowersRamonaFlowers member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011

    We paid for the wedding ourselves and originally were not sure if we were going to be able to afford a HM as well, so we held off on booking one. Roughly a month before the wedding, we realized we had enough left over in our budget for something small, so we booked a tiny trip to Disney World (We drove and spent 4 days at one of the less expensive resorts). But if we couldn't afford it on our own, we wouldn't have gone.

    We both have been taking vacations for years without our parents paying for it, so it never dawned on us that asking them to pay for the HM.  "Tradition" (especially a really out-dated tradition) had nothing to do with it: we're grown ups, we don't ask Mommy and Daddy to pay for our vacations. Period.

    If his parents offer to pay for your HM, of course you can graciously accept. But it doesn't sound like that's going to happen, and they aren't doing anything wrong if they don't. As with anything you will want in your adult life: plan to pay for it yourself. If you can't afford it, you're going to have to wait until you can.


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  • Gold ingots. Made the luggage a bit heavy, that was the only downside.

    Sorry, that's as serious of an answer as I can give to someone who is apparently incapable of realizing that grown-ups either a) wait to get married until they can afford to take a honeymoon right after the wedding if having the two back to back is so important or b) get married and take a honeymoon later or don't take one at all if being married is the priority, and they can't afford a trip right away. There's no secret third option.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_paying-honeymoon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:0229efce-0ca8-4db3-8581-efb62bc397c7Post:88caecd3-9636-4772-b317-acd5c63ee410">Re: How are you paying for your honeymoon?</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>We are NOT asking my FI's parents to pay for the honeymooon. Let's stop the bashing right there. It's "traditional" that they d</strong>o, which is why I brought it up. I also said I was hesitant about taking out the loan which is why I am mentinoing that too. <strong> Having a wedding and going on a honeymoon goes hand-in-hand. All of our close friensd have done it in the past year, and it's something you look forward to. We have done tons of research and looking at different resorts so of course we are excited to go. Waiting would be really sad. We don't want to do that. Who does? That's why I'm asking how other people plan this out.</strong>
    Posted by mbishop7[/QUOTE]

    First bolded section -  do you know this is a 'tradition'? I ask, b/c if it was, wouldn't they have offered by now when you are all talking wedding? You should never
    ask
    Second bolded section - To some a wedding and honeymoon go hand in hand, to others they do not. Also, going hand in hand does not mean rigth after one another. There is nothing saying a wedding cannot take place in November and a honeymoon take place in December/Jaunary (what we will be doing b/c I can't take 3 weeks off from work at once). Plenty of people wait or don't take any trip.
    Just b/c your friend did it this way doesn't mean that's how it has to be done.
    I get you want a trip and have done research and will be sad if you can't go, but no one is saying you can't ever go. If you can't afford to go on your own dime after the wedding, and you get no help form others, then wait and go when you can afford one.
    You are very lucky to have your parent's paying for your wedding, save up some money now to pay for your honeymoon.
  • OP, I don't know if you'll be back in this thread, but I really hope you'll take the previous posters' advice to heart.  I know it seems important to be able to have your honeymoon right after the wedding, but we all have to realize that real life rarely looks like what "tradition" or Style Me Pretty or even TheKnot wants us to think it should be like.

    Please don't ask your FFILs to pay for the honeymoon.  Not only is it rude, but if you have even the smallest inkling that they can't afford it, it's selfish.  Please listen to your FI on this topic -- one vacation is not worth them missing payments or being guilted into paying money they don't have.  Your marriage will not be any less meaningful because you skipped your HM, or delayed it a few years, or just took an inexpensive weekend away.  If you do think skipping the HM takes away from the marriage, then I'd urge you to reconsider what marriage means to you, and whether you're really ready.

    If you're ready to get more ideas about affordable, local getaways, PPs have some great suggestions, and I'm sure your local board will have some more too.
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  • Cynthia1207Cynthia1207 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Oh dear...

    Are you serious?  Sure it's "tradition"...when women needed a dowry to get married, were STHW and when getting married past 19 meant you were an old maid, a spinster.  Times have changed, traditions also change and you my dear need to learn to adapt and become an adult. 

    Your parents are already paying for your wedding.  You don't have ONE cent to spend and you're complaining that you don't have enough money for a HM and want to bum off money from your FILs?  Work and save. That's the secret.  Sorry but you really sound like a spoiled brat.

    As for not having a HM right after being "devastating", Grow Up.  Not having a HM won't make you any less married.  It's not necessary and most definitely not devastating if you don't have one right after. 

    How are you going to prepare yourself to be a responsible wife and adult if you're already asking advice on how to ask for money without coming up with an alternative where YOU take responsibility?  If it's really that important to you, get a job (or a second one) and save up.  That's the way of life here.  Mommy and Daddy won't always be there to pay for everything. 
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