November 2011 Weddings

Has anyone commented to you about your budget?

Last night FI and I had my friend and her husband over for dinner. Now I don't really like her husband and only tolerate him because of my friend. During dinner, we were talking about our wedding and her husband made a comment about how it is stupid to spend so much and he knows many people who did a big wedding and our now divorced. I was so upset that I just told him he needs to stop talking about the issue now. I'm very traditional and we are having a larger (130 guests) "whole nine yards" wedding. My parents are mostly funding the wedding and I just thought it was none of his business to bring money up (he is pretty blunt). My friend and he got married after knowing each other less than 1 year and when she was 6 months pregnant in a very small, home wedding. Completely nothing like what we're planning-church wedding, hotel ballroom reception.

My FI says its not a big deal that he can say what he wants, but we're going to do what we're planning and its his opinion. But I was so upset because the wedding is so important to me and I don't want anyone's commentary!

Whew I needed to vent!
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Re: Has anyone commented to you about your budget?

  • Hello there!

    Oh, you are definitely not alone! The FI and I are in the exact same position--we are having the big, traditional wedding, complete with a cathedral and grand reception venue. My parents are helping out quite a bit, and at their own will--lol, in other words, I didn't pout and throw tantrums...they offered!

    I am continually hearing, "why are you throwing all that money away on one night?"...or, "wouldn't you rather put that money toward a house?". I feel these questions are completely personal and not a far cry from "how much was your last paycheck?" I, of course, understand why some people would question it--but the fact of the matter is it's up to the couple and whoever else may be funding...and everyone else can mind their own and keep those thoughts to themselves;) It's YOUR wedding, do what you want, spend however much or however little you want.

    I assume you didn't question why they had a small wedding at their house, so why should he question you!


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  • Thank you!! Yeah it was totally uncalled for and after that the rest of the evening was awkward. I really feel like telling my friend that she should tell her husband to watch his behavior (she already knows this about him and has even said some of her relatives don't care for him because of his insensitivity and bluntness). My FI does not like conflict so he lets a lot of things go, but I have a pretty short fuse and will not stand for it! haha!

    No of course I did not ask why they had a home wedding nor why they used paper plates. I have my own thoughts but of course I do not question her because everyone has their own lifestyle.
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  • Funny thing-- I get this from my FI. Not to the extent that I'm offended...but just when I ask him questions about this or that. He'll say "we could get married in a courthouse in jeans and flip flops for all I care, I just want to marry you."

    ...which of course melts my heart, but doesn't give me any insight to the wedding. lol

    But he wants to save money for a house, too. So I'm looking at a lot of DIY ideas. I hate that your friend's hubby says that to you though, I understand how that feels.
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  • Well he is a jerk.  Everyone has their own budget and its up to them how they spend it.  i hate people who try to push their opinion on others.  do you think he is maybe jealous that you seem to have a bigger budget? if so thats also pathetic.
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  • I think what would have offended me the MOST was that he implied a big wedding is a waste of money because people just end up divorced.  Wow, I think I would have snapped at anyone who even hinted that FI and I would end up divorced.  And you're right, he has NO business poking his nose into your budget.  What a jerk.
  • In Response to Re: Has anyone commented to you about your budget?:
    I think what would have offended me the MOST was that he implied a big wedding is a waste of money because people just end up divorced.  Wow, I think I would have snapped at anyone who even hinted that FI and I would end up divorced.  And you're right, he has NO business poking his nose into your budget.  What a jerk.
    Posted by l1ttlebee
    i missed that somehow, what a giant arse. 

    And sessions that guy is a pig and just felt like he needed to insult you cos you knocked him back and  hurt his dumb ego.  i cant believe how many idiots are out there, thank god im not still single!
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  • I had one of my future Aunts-In-Law inquire rather boldly what my FI and I were budgeting.  I simply told her that we had our budget well in hand.  She continued to ask about the budget and what exactly we were budgeting for in our wedding.  She thinks that since we just bought a house (or rather I did, since my FI doesn't make a lot of money right now) that we should just elope or something.  She's made her opinion known subtly in the past, but has decided to become more bold about her opinions.  
    Your friend's husband is obviously a jerk, and I wouldn't let him upset you.  You have a right to spend what you want to on your wedding or whatever your parents will allow as the case may be.   If he's so concerned about the divorce rate, tell him to concentrate on his own marriage.
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  • I am having a small budget wedding. I am stretching every dollar til it screams. My friend always makes little snide remarks about things being cheap and the things I want costing more than my whole budget.
    I don't let it bother me anymore, I think that she is trying to live vicariously through me since her wedding was not what she wanted.

    In the end, there is always going to be someone, somewhere that may say something. Don't even waste your energy on those negative jerks. If you are happy with your planning, ignore everyone else.

    He may not be happy with his situation, or the way his wedding went and now wants to pee in your cornflakes.
    I say Boo to him and his snotty commentary.
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  • In Response to Re: Has anyone commented to you about your budget?:
    He may not be happy with his situation, or the way his wedding went and now wants to pee in your cornflakes. I say Boo to him and his snotty commentary.
    Posted by KimandWil
    Heheh, you killed me with that one Kim...too funny. I've never heard that phrase before, but I plan on using it often now that I have  ;) You girls are all fantastic!

    Oh and sessions, Hayla is right...you hurt his ego so he lashed out, waah waah waah what a douche. We're the lucky ones who have found the ones we want to spend the rest of our lives with instead of wasting our time dodging frogs like him! PS--sessions, I saw your ring in your beautiful engagement photos and I think it is gorgeous and a wonderful addition to your left hand ;)
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  • ignore the jerk.  but here's a quick way to save on the wedding, dont invite him!!! i am also going all out for my wedding and have a strict rule on not inviting negative ppl.  
  • Thanks ladies! I'm so glad you are with me on this one! That night I was ranting the whole time after they left and I told my FI we are not inviting him and he said I would completely ruin my friendship with my friend since I have known her for 15 years and that she chose to marry him so they come together. Ooooh it makes me so mad that I was crying about it  :( I never want to do anything with them but whenever I just want to see my friend she invites him so we can have a double date. Also, this guy is not young-he is 46!!! You would think he'd be a little more mature!
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  • I1ttlebee, where in OC are you? I'm in Irvine.
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  • Thanks maried and Hayla.  :D
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