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Need Advice!! Mom taking over my wedding

I have only been engaged for a month, and been doing plans like ceremony and reception. Every idea i tell my mom i get a slap in my face. No we cant do that, No that too much. You don't need seat covers..etc. We showed her the ceremony site which is halleck park. It will cost 25$ for 4hrs. my mom seemed thrilled.
Now there is a problem. since there is a football field close to it, she thinks there wont be parking, and if there is a game that it will be too loud. I told her no they reserved parking for us, and it don't matter if there is a game, because there will be people around anyways its a public park. She looked online for other parks without baseball fields. I told her my comp wasnt working (which was a lie) thats why I couldnt go on it right now to look at it. I didn't want to start a fight. I asked her how much it was she said for 2hrs its 100, I said okay 25 or 100 she says get married more private or with baseball players. I even told her that I already paied for it, and that dont seem to regester.

I'm wondering if anyone is dealing with the same thing, if so how are you handling it?? I feel like she is trying to make the wedding she wanted with my wedding. She told me she always wanted an outside wedding.

Re: Need Advice!! Mom taking over my wedding

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    edited December 2011
    Who's paying for the wedding?  My mom was that way in the beginning (finding fault with all of the halls except the ones she liked, who should and should not be on the guest list, etc).  However, My fiance and I are paying for the wedding.  In the end, I would explain to her just one time in detail why I picked one hall over the other or why certain people weren't on the guest list.  A lot of time it involved our budget.  After that initial explanation, I just changed the subject. 

    But...if you're mom is paying for a lot of the wedding then she does get a pretty decent amount of say in what goes.  It's your wedding, but it's her money.  Besides, you're at the really early stages.  I found four halls I just HAD to book in the beginning and now we're not using any of them.  There are so many options out there, you might as well check out whatever she finds.  You might find something you love even more. 
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    Wilhelm12Wilhelm12 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I already paied for the ceremony site. She knows that too. It is my wedding, not hers. Yes she and my dad are helping us, but it should be her giving me advice and if I still want to get married where I want it shouldnt be a problem. It should be whatever makes me happy. It isn't going to be the other way around. Why should I get married somewhere that I already have my heart set on something.

    Im sry but your advice didnt really help except saying I should explain why i like a certain place. Your just telling me to take her advice because she's paying for it.

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    edited December 2011
    Wow!  If you didn't like my advice then you could have just ignored it.  The reality is you have a long way to go before your wedding.  It's only going to get more stressful with more decisions and more people telling you what to do and offering their advice.  I would recommend you learn a better way to deal with it or your going to turn a lot of people off by the day your wedding arrives.
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    Chasity08Chasity08 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_nebraska_need-advice-mom-taking-over-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:654Discussion:e51955ef-a7b3-4d3d-8dc3-11384b9cc97ePost:3293b758-0836-44c8-8b09-8be54937072a">Re: Need Advice!! Mom taking over my wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]I already paied for the ceremony site. She knows that too. It is my wedding, not hers. Yes she and my dad are helping us, but it should be her giving me advice and if I still want to get married where I want it shouldnt be a problem. It should be whatever makes me happy. It isn't going to be the other way around. Why should I get married somewhere that I already have my heart set on something. Im sry but your advice didnt really help except saying I should explain why i like a certain place. Yo<strong>ur just telling me to take her advice because she's paying for it.</strong>
    Posted by Wilhelm12[/QUOTE]

    Uhm...yeah. That's really the gist of it. If your parents are paying for the wedding, then they get a BIG say in the wedding. If you would rather it "be whatever makes you happy and not the other way around" then the simple solution is to pay for the wedding yourself, not accept any money from your parents, and when your mom gives her input say something along the lines of "I appreciate your input, and I will keep it in mind, but I've already picked out and paid for my ceremony site, and I hope you'll love it just as much as I do."

    Good luck with planning.
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    cerissacerissa member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I don't want to rain on your parade, but if your parents are paying for the wedding, then they are the ones that really do have the say so.  They are the ones throwing the event and you and your fiance are the guests of honor. 

    You are going to butt heads with her on more than just one issue in planning a wedding.  It's typical.  Everyone has ideas and opinions and you can't please everyone.   The best thing you can do is sit your mom down and let her know that you don't want to have bad memories about planning your wedding as this is supposed to be "fun".   Let her vent her concerns.  The ones you posted that she had are valid.  If your wedding guests can't park because of game going folks or the noise from a game, then yes, that is an issue.  As are airplanes flying over, fire engines, police cars, motorcycles etc.  That's what you risk with an outdoor wedding.   Keep in mind, it may not rain on the day of, but if it does the day before, what are the grounds going to be like the next day for ladies in heels as well as your gown?

     If it's something that you know for a fact won't be a problem then sit down and calmly talk it over with her.   Let her know that you appreciate her opinions and advice, but if that option is a realistic one, then try to get her to come around to your way of thinking.  I do recommend finding a back up venue in the event it's bad weather.    Just let her know you have your heart set on it, take her there and help her envision what you see for the big day.  She may come around to your way of thinking. :)
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    Wilhelm12Wilhelm12 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Everyone that is against me on this. You all talk about my parents pay for it and what they say goes. We found the ceremony site, and I paied for it. In that case no she doesnt have say in it. I understand what your saying. My parents are paying for the reception, dj, flowers, invitations. So far me and my fiance are paying for ceremony site, photographer, and any decorations.  If there happens to be a game going on, we will have reserved parking. I really don't care about the noise its outside. I cant have my cake and eat it.

    What I was trying to get across is that even if i pay my mom is still trying to control my wedding. She wants me to be married where she picked even though I'm paying. The stuff she pays for, if I dont like something I will tell her because im not gonna be unhappy on my special day. We agreed on the reception and the dj so far.
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    edited December 2011
    Easy tiger. Lighten up. Nobody is trying to just shoot down your ideas. This isn't the E-board for gosh sakes.

    I've been butting heads with my mom during this whole process. Thank goodness for only having a 7 month engagement, and thank goodness that there are less than 2 months left to go in the process. :) Listen to her ideas, treat her with respect. Don't act like a child. It's hard not to, because you (and me) will want your way because it's YOUR wedding. My mom finally came out and said she wanted to plan it her way because it was HER wedding. I get it. Their daughter is getting married. They want things to be perfect. We had to have a very adult, sit down chat about that. I am grateful that my parents are paying for about half of my wedding. But if they weren't, we would adjust what we are doing to pay for it ourselves. If you really can't plan it with your mom, politely tell her that you appreciate everything she had done and offered, but that you would really like to pay for everything yourself and make your own decisions.
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_nebraska_need-advice-mom-taking-over-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:654Discussion:e51955ef-a7b3-4d3d-8dc3-11384b9cc97ePost:0bebe6fb-0816-496a-b7d3-09dfb99fed5f">Re: Need Advice!! Mom taking over my wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]Everyone that is against me on this. You all talk about my parents pay for it and what they say goes. We found the ceremony site, and I paied for it. In that case no she doesnt have say in it. I understand what your saying. My parents are paying for the reception, dj, flowers, invitations. So far me and my fiance are paying for ceremony site, photographer, and any decorations.  If there happens to be a game going on, we will have reserved parking. I really don't care about the noise its outside. I cant have my cake and eat it. What I was trying to get across is that even if i pay my mom is still trying to control my wedding. She wants me to be married where she picked even though I'm paying. The stuff she pays for, if I dont like something I will tell her because im not gonna be unhappy on my special day. We agreed on the reception and the dj so far.
    Posted by Wilhelm12[/QUOTE]

    I have had this problem as well.. it caused a lot of un-due stress and just ended with me going my own way.  In my case, my FI parents and my IF and I are paying for everything- my parents paying for nothing and my mom is trying to take it over.  It ended when I would just exclude her from the planning- iin your case only the stuff YOU are paying for. Once you're contracted tehre is really nothing she can do about it.  May want to be prepared to pay for the rest - as she may not like this.  It ended up that going this route with my mom was helpful- she stopped her whining and has started to come around.  If she still tries to but in and give her two cents i remind her that we are paying for the wedding we will chose what we like, but thanks for the input.  Don't get into cost details with her for stuff she isnt paying for- its actually none of her biz and will only cause more problems. 

    You really have two choices: Plan on paying for your own wedding or keep the details of what you are paying for to yourself- plan those without her if need be.
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    edited December 2011
    Sorry, but I think we all deal with something like this. If you and your mom won't agree, then make plans without her. My mom and I butted heads throughout my planning, so I just went ahead and did what I wanted. If I needed her help or wanted her to have input, I would ask. Simple as that. Don't make it more difficult than it needs to be. 
    "The best thing about loving and being hurt is that you get to know what true love really is. For as gold is tested in fire, and so will love be perfected in pain."
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