Donation as our Favors Dillema... Help!

Marshall22

My fiance's mom is a breast cancer survivor. So when it came to planning our wedding we were toying with the idea of doing a donation instead of a favor on the table. My favorite season is fall, and we ended up selecting our wedding date to be in October, which also happens to be Breast Cancer Awareness month... so we have decided to make a donation to: Susan G. Komen for the Cure in place of a traditional wedding favor.

However, I somehow found some reviews online of people against this idea. Saying its not appropriate to make a donation on someone's be half if they don't support the cause. My first thought was, "oh well who doesn't support breast cancer research and assistance for early detection... and then randomly at work one of my closest coworkers announced she does not support this cause. She was quite verbal about it in a pleasant way if that makes sense and she is coming to the wedding.  So now what? Do I just say screw it and do it anways? We already have 175 breast cancer rubber bracelets ready to go on the cards for tables. I just don't want to cause an issue.

jmucheech21

I'm going to tell you right now, if you go on the ettiquette board you will be ripped a new one on this!  Haha, this is apparently wayyyy against ettiquette.

That being said, I've never understood why people have such a problem about this.  I mean, I think its such a nice idea, I love seeing that when I go to people's weddings!!  My bridesmaids even did it for my shiower (my fiance and I both teach students with autism and they made a donation to autism speaks in lieu of the favors).  One of my cousins who now has a condition similar to Alzheimers but is in the early stages teared up and said that since when she was able to work she had been a teacher she was so touched that a donation was made to the children.  I think sometimes people who are bothered by these things really need to get a hobby..

Reasons against it are:
-some people may not support the cause
-making donations should be private and a wedding shouldn't be used as your "look at me, I did a good thing" moment
-a favor is a gift to the guests, donating to a cause is not giving them a gift (although favors in general are not necessary, so it is considered better form to not have one at all than to do a donation, by some)

So, I guess you just have to weigh out the reasons for and the reasons against and make the decision you think is best.  At the end of the day, you can't please everyone when planning a wedding.. so just weigh out your options and make the best choice for you and your fiance on this one. 

Also, OT, but, seriously, what could possibly be your coworker's reasons for being against Brest Cancer Research?!?!  I mean, if you told me you were donating to some kind of politically based organization I could understand, but really, I don't think it gets much less controversial than wanting people to be healthy and alive!!

vsgal

It is not about not supporting your cause.  I have a problem with certain organizations in central Florida because of bad business practices. For example, some organizations take up to 50% of their donations for private use, i.e the Florida Blood banks.  Not OK.  Some organizations do not offer help to  everyone who asks or offer limited assistance.   Not OK.  Some organizations do all they can for their cause, but severely misuse and mistreat their volunteers, i.e. the Cancer Society.  Not OK.

Giving a donation is fine.  It should be a private thing.  It is totally an attention whorish move.  If you want to give money to the cause that you support, donate all the cash and gift cards you receive in private. 

Not to mention, that your donation is not going to bring the awarenes of your guests to the cause.  They are going to look at the sign and shrug it off. 

Charity backing is like politics and religion.  It is a very personal choice and should not be forced on anyone. 

*edited for spelling

vsgal

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_florida-central-florida_donation-favors-dillema?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:66Discussion:32cfb733-f97d-44f8-9c98-fd1fc1abf4daPost:00ce563a-0867-4cf3-a623-f5d315bb641f">Donation as our Favors Dillema... Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance's mom is a breast cancer survivor. So when it came to planning our wedding we were toying with the idea of doing a donation instead of a favor on the table. My favorite season is fall, and we ended up selecting our wedding date to be in October, which also happens to be Breast Cancer Awareness month... so we have decided to make a donation to: Susan G. Komen for the Cure in place of a traditional wedding favor. However, I somehow found some reviews online of people against this idea. Saying its not appropriate to make a donation on someone's be half if they don't support the cause. My first thought was, "oh well who doesn't support breast cancer research and assistance for early detection... and then randomly at work one of my closest coworkers announced she does not support this cause. She was quite verbal about it in a pleasant way if that makes sense and she is coming to the wedding.  So now what? Do I just say screw it and do it anways?<strong> We already have 175 breast cancer rubber bracelets ready to go on the cards for tables. I just don't want to cause an issue.
Posted by Marshall22[/QUOTE]


Not to mention, I would not take a pink rubber bracelet.  </strong>

WENDYIAM

I think it's awesome that your doing donations to a good cause instead of something dumb. I personally wouldn't bother changing my whole wedding plans to revolve around one persons opinion. (ok maybe grandma or something but not a coworker) good luck!

jmucheech21

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_florida-central-florida_donation-favors-dillema?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:66Discussion:32cfb733-f97d-44f8-9c98-fd1fc1abf4daPost:2d9480ea-355c-4abc-857c-63d2393746f0">Re: Donation as our Favors Dillema... Help!</a>:
[QUOTE]It is not about not supporting your cause.  I have a problem with certain organizations in central Florida because of bad business practices. For example, some organizations take up to 50% of their donations for private use, i.e the Florida Blood banks.  Not OK.  Some organizations do not offer help to  everyone who asks or offer limited assistance.   Not OK.  Some organizations do all they can for their cause, but severely misuse and mistreat their volunteers, i.e. the Cancer Society.  Not OK. Giving a donation is fine.  It should be a private thing.  It is totally an attention whorish move.  If you want to give money to the cause that you support, donate all the cash and gift cards you receive in private.  <strong>Not to mention, that your donation is not going to bring the awarenes of your guests to the cause.  They are going to look at the sign and shrug it off.</strong>  Charity backing is like politics and religion.  It is a very personal choice and should not be forced on anyone.  *edited for spelling
Posted by vsgal[/QUOTE]

See, I disagree with that.  I have never been to a wedding where they donated in leiu of favors that did not spur conversation!!  I have always heard "I wonder what prompted them to choose that organization" or "I love that organization I donate too!" or something along those lines.  I've never heard those that disagreed voice it at the wedding, although I am sure those people are out there and are just trying to be polite.  Either way, I doubt many people "shrug it off."  People that love it will talk about it, people that don't like it will think about it.. you'll have very few people who completely disregard it.

vsgal

Here's the thing, people are not going to tell a bride and groom they made a bad choice.  I have been to two weddings that have gone this route.  One made a donation to the ASPCA and one donated to Alzeheimer's foundation.  In both cases, there was a huge sign that told people why the couple donated to that particular charity in their name.  There were also trinkets that were given by the charity to the couple to hand out.  I was very close to many people at both weddings.  I did not hear one conversation about the cause, why they picked it or affirmation of the charity.  Most of the trinkets were left behind.  People were not talking and nobody took the "reminder to donate" thing with them.  In fact, talking to people after both weddings, most of them did not remember seeing the set-up. 

If it doesn't affect them directly, people don't necessarily pay that much attention.

A wedding is not a place to bring awareness to a cause.  It is a celebration of your union and the reception is the thank you to your guests for coming to celebrate with you.  If you want to give money, fine.  Not at the wedding.  If you want to sponsor an awareness campaign, fine.  Not at the wedding.

I am all for being charitable.  I donate time and money to many causes in this area. I like to choose the carity I want to support. 

Marshall22

I just want to clarify that I made this posting for assistance and opinions good or bad... NOT to be called an attention whore. That is by no means why we chose to do this route. 

To be honest, I was getting tired of going to weddings and seeing M&Ms in a netted bag, or hershey kishes in a wrapped little box, that I know took hours to put together because I've been a bridesmaid and had to sit and do it. Then when the wedding is over they are all left scattered on the tables and untouched.

So yes will pink rubber bracelets be left on the tables of course, but my main line of thinking was, well at least I know something went to something good. I have some very verbal and outspoken friends and family, and if they don't like something they tell me whether I'm the bride or not. And every guest (minus the 1 coworker) thus far has encouraged it.

Besides, every guest is staying on property and receiving a beautiful gift basket when they arrive, so in reality they are getting an awesome favor package, it's just not sitting at their tables.

So I appreciate your opinions but would prefer not to be called any form of a whore. Thanks.

eviegrl42

Here is the deal with weddings. Some people are going to be happy, some people aren't - no matter what you do. It won't matter if you follow etiquette or not. 

Donations in lieu of favors are perfectly fine in my opinion. I would never look at a donation card and think to myself.. what an attention whore, but hey that's just me. I would think of it as a nice gesture. As far as favors go, I've gotten so much as a tube of sand to a pretzel stick that was stale. I personally don't look at favors as an awesome gift for guests; I think of the amazing food, open bar and the party itself as a gift to guests.  

morgvanwag

I don't think you giving a donation is a bad idea at all.  I mean it is YOUR day.  And in my opinion, the people you invite to your wedding should be attending the wedding to celebrate with you.... Not to be given a reward for showing up. They should be genuinely happy just to be celebrating with friends, family, and getting the overall experience.  I personally hate the idea of favors because it is like trying to bribe your guests into coming.  I had one of my friends who was telling everyone about what favors they would recieve before her wedding and it seemed to me like people were showing up just for the favors.  I think a wedding shouldn't be focused around what gifts the guests get because let me tell you, everyone left fairly early at that wedding.  Honestly, if your company at your wedding are that close to you, they will be having fun dancing, drinking, and having too much delicious food to even notice a favor... and probably stay later than expected.  It's the memories you take with you from a wedding.... not the gift.  I couldn't agree with you more on the fact that favors usually just get thrown away anyways.  Point being, just enjoy yourself, let go, and be happy with your decision to keep the donation as a favor.  At least you know it's going to a good cause and won't be tossed away.

tasharocks

i don't understand how a donation to charity is a favor to a guest. donate if you want, just don't say you're doing it as a favor to me to show your gratitude for my attendance at your wedding.

and as it has been mentioned people may have an issue with the specific organization you choose, not the cause itself. breast cancer awareness and charities are important to some, while others would rather donate to the Boy Scouts or Parkinson's research.

you could always hand out the bracelets with halloween candy, or pass them around to friends and family.