Non-Greek Brides marrying in the Greek church

meganlyn02

Hi All!  I am a non-greek marrying a greek and am having a hard time converting to the religion. I have taken classes, I am going to church, but everything is just so different. I know the priest will do the ceremony if I don't convert by then (May 2010) but is anyone else struggling with converting and accepting the whole ceremony in general, with it being so different and all ?Thanks!

steenerk19

I am the Greek one in our relationship but my FI was feeling the same way as you. He isn't religious at all and had a really hard time accepting all that comes with GO. I don't know if you are getting baptized but he has to since he had never been and that made things harder. Hopefully the church community is helpful and accepting along with FI family. I know that has been a huge help for my guy. Believe me I know some of the stuff we do is different from other religions and cultures and I even had a hard time with it as a teenager. I hope that helps ease your mind a bit. Feel free to ask me questions too- I am learning a lot going through everything with FI, stuff I never learned growing up.

meganlyn02

Thanks!I have been baptized and come from a rather religious background so that is making it harder I believe.  The community here that comes along with the church is AMAZING, so that has been the biggest help ever!  It is just such a big change but if I were to stay Lutheran, I wouldn't know how to raise our kids.  It is just the whole marriage ceremony in general, I am scared I won't 'feel married' without saying vows but I guess if that is the case we can always go to my pastor at home and say them in a small ceremony ?  

andreanm

meganlyn- you should ask the greek priest if he will let you say vows, at the end  of the ceremony maybe?  i have seen this done at one greek wedding, the priest said "jane  and john have written vows that they would like to share with each other" and he let them say them... it was the "i do" sort of thing but maybe it will help you feel better about the whole ceremony?

meganlyn02

I did discuss this with the priest and he wil not allow it to be done. This was when we met with him back in November, I was also pretty certain I would convert at that time and so he said since I would be of GO faith, why would I want to say vows? But I wonder if I were to not convert prior to our wedding if he would be willing to do it..... Thanks for the idea!!

gh46dsw

Megan...reading your replies concerns me a bit. I do not feel that you are confident and comfortable or accepting of what you are getting into by converting and I think that will only cause issues for you and your marriage. Think down the road...let's say you don't say vows then you resent that for the rest of your life and deep inside you resent DH and his faith for that feeling. Or when baptizing children in the GO faith, are you sure you are comfortable with that being Lutheran? (which by the way, there is something so beautiful and sacred about the prayers and hymns said during a GO ceremony that have been said for so many years before us that I think are beautiful. But you may be able to say your vows at the reception if that will make you feel better) These are all really serious concerns, I will tell you my priest would not marry you if he knew you had these feelings...just red flags for troubles in the marriage. Make sure if you have not already, have a long conversation with FI and make sure you are 150% with your decision and BOTH be ok with it. I think it is great that you would be open to converting and I do feel it is easier on the marriage and raising children when there is one faith. I went through this with my ex-husband (he is catholic) and although our faiths are similar it cause major issues (where he agreed to baptize our daughter GO and then went back on his word and was against it, although he NEVER went to Catholic church and did not agree/believe a lot of what his own faith practiced) and between that and a bunch of other reasons we are not together today (which is def for the better) Anyway...sorry to ramble...but just a bit concerned reading this. I am sure if you talk this over with the priest, fiance and yourself....just make sure you are 100% ok and accepting of what you are doing...no regrets

meganlyn02

Rafaella - I appreciate your concern.  The thing is I was totally comfortable with the faith, the beliefs, the background and richness of the whole religion as well as the marriage ceremony, in fact I loved it.  Then my parents went to their first GO marriage ceremony(this past weekend) and told me their concerns, which is understandable.  I remember after my 1st GO ceremony I was very....just lost. Now that I have taken Many classes with 2 different priests I do enjoy/treasure the depth and richness of the faith.  I think my parents saying that made me doubt it all - which I think is normal.  My parents are  a HUGE influence in my life! I have shared my concerns with the priest who will be marrying us and he has given me some literature to look over about the whole ceremony, explaining every little step in detail, which has helped TREMENDOUSLY because I do see everything that is done is just beautiful)But I am not taking this lightly and I do appreciate your input/concern/views!  But I am taking my 'converting' ( If I end up doing so down the road) very serious, as I was the only one out of my class that did not convert b/c I was not ready.  I will just keep going to church, reading my literature and I believe I will just know in my soul & heart when its time, if it comes! In the meantime I will (as I have been) continue to share my thoughts/questions/concerns with my FI, who is very understanding! 

flirtatiousgrk

when the priest places those rings and crowns on -- basically "God marries you" at that moment you are One in Gods eyes.... there are no need for words (vows) both of us our greek so i cant gt in your shoes on that aspect. but in the ceremony your really not doing anything other than standing in front of the alter, you sip the wine and walk around a table. so i dont know what your getting at thats hard? other than the religiion itself. it is really cool that your taking the classes and everything two woman i know did this and are raising their kids in the church and speaking greek-they took greek clases too

gh46dsw

Of course...just sharing my thoughts out loud. Seems like you and FI will make the best decision for you two. There is a greek saying our priest told us to remember for our marriage...now mind you translating it will probably will not make sense...but it says...in two people a third does not fit (Stous duo tritos den xoraei) basically it is you and your husband don't let anything or anyone (including parents, family, friends) get in btwn you and your decisions. GOOD LUCK!

2010mayday

Megan, I am the (half) Greek marrying the non-Greek.  Converting was never/will never be something I expect of my FI.  I hope this is your idea and you are not being forced into it.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with not converting and bringing your future family up in the GO church.  My mother never expected it out of my father, although he chose to convert when I was a teenager because at that point he felt it was right for him.  It needs to be right for you.  Do not feel pressure to convert before your wedding for any reason.  The wedding ceremony itself and the way the priest treats you, should not be ANY different whether or not you convert.  With that said, I am impressed and really respect that you have been going to classes and are taking it that seriously.  Best of luck!