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Ugh. I hate this post. And I know I am going to get roasted for putting my nose in it. A lot of people look at honeymoon registries as rude. Honestly only you will know how your family and friends will take it. We had a really small wedding, only about 80 people. All close friends and family. They absolutely loved the idea. We had one and we probably got about 6-7 gifts on there. And many who had looked through the honeymoon registry and then just wrote on the check or card what they would love to contribute to. We did use Honeyfund which does not charge a fee, unless you use Paypal. We completely paid for our wedding and honeymoon with our own money. We did have a small traditional registry as well. When someone gave us a specific gift we made sure we used the money on that item. So it wasn't like we were saying "Hahaha! We have your cash and I will spend it on a spa trip instead of a tour of Versailles!!!" We really had a great time and when we went on the items we were sure to take a picture and we sent thank you notes with the pictures when we were all done. I had several family members call me and thank me for the pictures and the sweet note. My theory on this topic instead of blasting people for it, tell people why and how they could be rude. No one ever really answers the questions instead they just blast the person and tells them they are sorry excuse for humans by doing something so ridiculous. My rules for honeymoon registry: A Registry that does not charge a fee is a MUST! (honeyfund, etc) Make sure your friends and family are supportive of the Idea Be sure you can afford the honeymoon without help and assume you will get no gifts Have a Small Traditional Registry as well. Hopefully that helps a little bit. :-) And have a great day!Posted by dazyabbey
I really don't understand the outrage at HM registries - if i were a guest at OP's wedding, I'd rather buy her a cave-diving trip (even if it's in a round-about way) than send a check, which is like the least romantic gift possible. We're in a similar position - good jobs, well-stocked apartment (i'm in my 30s so by now I have china, crystal, etc). we really don't need too much more stuff, and I wish there was a way for people to buy us massages/dinners out/a cleaning service. that's what we really need!! Enjoy your honeymoon!!!Posted by TheBaysideBride
It's great that you were "honest" (not sure if that's the right word...) and actually spent the money on what the guest "purchased". That being said...they would've had no way of knowing that you did or didn't...Posted by itzMS
The thing I love about weddings is that they are unique to the couple. I love the idea of a honeymoon registry. I think they are cute and I know my friends and family will get a kick out of it. I'm using Honeyfund.com. They have a one time fee of $39 and then they charge a small percentage when people pay by card, which will come out after they submit the gift. Posted by honeybeerich
I accidently hit post too soon. My other points: 5) They are completely unnecessary - many people will choose to give cash on their own volition, and this is a way for the wedding industry to try to take it's cut of the pie. I don't understand why brides choose to perpetuate the wedding machine by supporting these organizations 6) Many of them take a cut - and for those that do, this becomes a second poor financial decision. Because now you are giving up potentially hundreds of dollars (through the fees) just for a kitchy website. Maybe it's because I practice tax law, and I like finance - but if you had kept that money, invested it in your 20's at a 10% return on average, it would be worth many thousands of dollars when you retired. And even if you aren't as into finance as me, you'd at least be able to afford another spa treatment or excursion if you did choose to blow it all on your honeymoon. I don't see how brides don't understand this.Posted by hoffse
1- Completely agree. Which is why I think it is better to be informative instead of just telling people it is rude. I don’t care if everyone on this board continues to say it is rude. But it would be nice if they would say something like “Yeah I think they are tacky and rude, but if you are going to do one anyway make sure you do this, that and whatever.”
2- Also completely agree. Unfortunatly there is no way to get around this. Which is why it is nice to tell people that they should actually use the item on what they want. I have known several people that end up returning items they received on their Wedding Registry for the cash. Also my favorite is when people register at 3 different stores and register for plates, silverware and pans at all three. And end up getting all three at all three stores. I would more side eye that kind of stuff then I would a honeymoon registry. But saying “Oh, some people have done this so you shouldn’t do this” is ridiculous.
3- I think this goes back to number 1 pretty much…. You should be able to pay for your honeymoon by yourself. That includes any extra’s etc. Kind of like expecting your Great Aunt Sally to buy you pans for your wedding. What if you don’t get those pans? Are you never going to cook? Probably not. I think sometimes you guys over think honeymoon registries though. They aren’t entitled and I don’t think anyone is expecting you to give them items. If you want to get them something traditional go for it. I also find that funny because gift registries were thought to be tacky back when they first came out anyway. But they soon became the norm and people realized there are tactful and nice ways to ask for specific things. If you want to think of it as an entitlement thing that is up to you, and obviously I am not going to change your mind. Maybe if you didn’t look at it as everyone is out to get you and take advantage and instead realize that maybe people are sick of ‘stuff’.
4- As for the ‘personal’ part of the honeymoon I think those days are long gone. Honeymoons used to be a huge sex fest vacation where couples spent most of the time in the bedroom. That isn’t the case anymore. Most people are not waiting till marriage and have lived together before they get married. So this isn’t the ‘first trip’ or ‘first night together’ type trips that they used to be. If someone wants to think of me having sex on my honeymoon go for it, that is their weird little thought. (I do agree with Lingerie parties though, very weird. Which is why I didn’t have a Bridal Party, Bachelorette Party or Bridal shower things.) Also thinking of a couple massage as something that initiates sex is weird. And I know of a Message Therapist that would take a lot of offense to that. But then again we didn’t ask for things like that.
5- I honestly did not know that cash was the better option until the last year or so. I always bought off of the registry. People at weddings I have been to always tend to give gifts. It wasn’t till I combed through a wedding registry like 10 times and I decided I didn’t like any of the presents that I finally gave someone cash. (Seriously… and that was like a year and a half ago). So when you say ‘trust your guests’ it makes me laugh. But then again areas of the country are very different.
6- Another reason I don’t like it when everyone assumes they all take a cut. Talking to someone about the options and best ways to do a honeymoon registry would be much better. You can still tell them all day long that you believe they are tacky and rude but at least tell them options that wouldn’t be tacky and rude. Honeyfund, does not charge fees. That would be the best option. And I do agree with you on that, they shouldn’t charge for something so simple.
The thing I love about weddings is that they are unique to the couple. I love the idea of a honeymoon registry. I think they are cute and I know my friends and family will get a kick out of it. I'm using Honeyfund.com. They have a one time fee of $39 and then they charge a small percentage when people pay by card, which will come out after they submit the gift. It's very rare that I find anything a person does for their wedding tacky. Every person is different and you have to do what fits your needs. Sorry that you got so many unneccesary comments. This is the year 2013! Time to break the mold of what's to be expected with weddings and make your own tradition! Good luck with everything! Posted by honeybeerich
I think you guys always miss my point though. Why don't you try to inform and tell why you dislike them instead of just attacking and telling the terrible parts of it? Yes people take advantage, but like I said that happens in regular honeymoon registries as well. Instead of going off on someone about how rude they are why don't you help them to not be rude and not piss off every person that comes on here asking about them. I know this is the internet and blah blah you can say what you want but you don't always have to be so harsh.Posted by dazyabbey
I think my real issue is the way everyone responds when it is initially asked. I understand being on a message board about honeymoons that we are going to get the same question asked over and over. I really only spend time on this forum, the budget and sometimes wander around the others so I am not all over the place. People will ALWAYS ask the same question over and over. So if people get annoyed by it then they should probably consider if they want to spend time on these types of platforms. However, the real problem I have with the regulars is how they respond. They are not nice and helpful, and they tend to be a little harsh. I understand why to an extent but I just wish they would try to stop being so rude. Like I said (1000x times): Say "I am against honeymoon registries because they are tacky and rude. However if you are going to do one regardless of my opinion be sure to use a company that does not charge fees (many of them charge a percentage) and make sure you are able to fully fund your honeymoon and any extra expenses without the help and last of all be sure that your guests, family and friends would not be offended. But once again, I think they are rude and tacky. Is it really that hard have a little bit of decency and respect? And you all know I have the utmost respect and love for you! Sorry for being harsh. I really appreciate this place and everyone who contributes. :-) I just have to argue every once in a while. In Response to
Re: Honeymoon Registry Websites:
I think my biggest problem with them are hoffse's #1 (as I personally experienced with my FSIL, as stated above) and when couples do not offer a traditional registry. Dazy offered both options, which allows a guest who is not comfortable giving money or is not comfortable with the idea of HM registries, to still provide a gift if they chose to. Only she knew if a HM registry would work with her guests, bu in the event that most did not feel comfortable with it, there was another option. I know in my personal situation, a HM registry would not have been received well. I'm also especially annoyed when I see almost every HM registry post on here start off with "FI and I have lived together for X years and we already own a home, so I don't need anything." I literally come up with something one a week that we could use for the house and my DH has owned a home for almost 25 years! To me, it just is an excuse that people use to focus on getting cash. I may also come off as a bit harsh on this topic because I feel that people post the same thing over and over again and don't bother to read old posts. But, that is a different chapter in the book Posted by Jells2dot0
In Response to Re: Honeymoon Registry Websites : Jells you are one of my favorites on here. :-) I do think sometimes people are looking for excuses. But at the same time I understand. The only thing we needed was Towels, Silverware and Dinnerware. We tried registering for somewhat affordable options but no one got us any of them (Except one set of towels... which is still the only set of those towels we own). It was funny because every single year both of our families always ask us for birthdays and Christmas what we want. We tell them and they say "Well isn't there anything for your house or kitchen you want?" so for every present giving holiday for the past 5 years we have gotten everything from Blenders, George Michael Cookers, Waffle Makers to a Griddle. This year, we had nothing left to ask for. And the things we do want (A Dyson!) I don't feel comfortable asking for because it is way out of their budgets. (WHY DOES IT CENTER MY POSTS?!!?)Posted by dazyabbey
http://www.honeyfund.com/ http://www.honeymoonwishes.com/ http://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/honeymoon-registry-sites/da912e70c6031149.html Hope the sites would help you!Posted by Catherine&88
In Response to Re: Honeymoon Registry Websites : Why do you ALWAYS respond like this? Also, it should be simply "Hope these sites help you" or "Hope these sites are helpful". No would. Posted by Viczaesar
To clarify, You are all making quite a few assumptions. My fiance and I have been living together for 2 years. We bought a house, have good jobs, and pleanty of "stuff". We do not need to register for china or crystal. We love to travel and instead of having our guests put the effort into buying us "stuff" that we don't want or need. We would instead like to give them the opportunity to contribute a gift to our honeymoon which we are very excited about. We have the money to pay for the honeymoon and will not using credit cards to purchase anything. Our budget is already deteremined based on what we can afford - not what we expect to receive. We are not deceiving our guests because the money they provide we will be treating like gifts to do the things they are excited for us to do - i.e. snorkling, cave tubing, etc. We plan to take pictures and send them to our guests with our thank you notes to show them what a great time we had and how much we appreciated their gifts. I personally feel rude simply asking for cash - and I do not want to spend their generous gift paying off student loans or buying groceries. I want to provide them the experience of picking out a personal activity rather than just signing a check. We will not be asking our guests to pay the service fee. Most websites allow you to take it out of the gift. But even if they were to pay the fee, I think of it as the money they would have spent on wrapping paper or a gift bag. Also we are having a wedding in which most guests will be traveling and we want to give them the option of not having to haul a gift with them. I hope this helps share our specific situation in which our friends and family who know us and love us will not be judgemental or think we are rude or tacky. Please in the future find room in your hearts for empathy and dont be so quick to judge.Posted by BreeandShane
Re: Honeymoon Registry Websites : Um. The guests ARE paying the service fee when it comes out of the money they intended to give you. If they give you 50 dollars on honeyfund and 7% or whatever is taken out, that's 7% less given to you than if they had just written you a check for 50 dollars. If you can't see the simple math there I don't think you're ready to be an adult yet..Posted by allychase
In Response to Re: Honeymoon Registry Websites : Oh hey whats up? Guess who used Honeyfund and didn't get charged a fee! That would be me. Obviously I am more experienced then you. If you would look at their website you would see that they do not charge a fee. Also if you read previous posts on here you would see more information instead of just jumping the gun and getting rude. Thanks!Posted by dazyabbey