Mother told me boyfriend's proposal plans

derstern

I find myself in a strange situation and would love to hear some other people's opinions. While my boyfriend and I were visiting my parents at the weekend, my bf asked my father for his blessing and told him he loves me very much. My father told my mother who then rang me the next day to tell me! As the proposal would have been a surprise I feel she has both robbed me of this and has disrespected my bf. Also I'm sure she has told all the family already. My bf and I are always very open with each other, i feel I'm almost lying to him by hiding my knowledge. The other side of me ecstatic, I'm madly in love with him and we've always talked of marraige/children. So do I play dumb and act surprised when it does happen? Or do I tell him? Also... I'm very annoyed with my mother. Even though i've told her this and that she's ruined a surprise she. doesn't care as she got to gossip the Tory first! If I get angry with her she'll get emotional and the she'll see herself as the victim. Any advice greatly appreciated? What would you do?

cwaggoner07

If it were me, I would, as hard as it is, just try to forget about it. Like Stage said, you never know WHEN. And yeah, your mom kinda dropped the ball, but just try to move forward.

tiny speck

No need to "pretend" to be surprised because you know it's coming; no need to tell your boyfriend you know either. You probably don't know when, where, or how he's actually going to propose, and all of that will be incredibly special regardless. I'd be very annoyed too, but yeah, as PPs said, you just have to let this go. Also, just try not to think about it; don't wake up every day thinking "is today the day?", or you'll drive yourself even more crazy.

melmac86

If it were me, I would just let it go like PPs have suggested. Just because he's asked your father for permission, doesn't necessarily mean a proposal is coming right away. You will still be surprised with the ring and don't know any of the details about how/when it will happen. Realize that many birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, events, vacations, etc...may pass with no proposal, so don't expect that it will happen or else you'll set yourself up for disappointment. Continue enjoying your relationship for what it is now.

PrincessJas

Heh.  I was in this situation.  After my then boyfriend talked to my dad, my dad then told me that he wanted to propose during our next backpacking trip.  BUT, he couldn't, of course, say when during the trip my boyfriend would propose...so you know it's coming, but you don't know when or where or how.  It may not come out of the blue, but chances are it wouldn't have anyway because you've been talking about it.  And trust me, knowing it's coming hardly ruins the moment.

Don't bother act all excited if it's not genuine, and if he asks if you knew, say "yes", but don't volunteer the information.  That's what I did, and it worked out just fine.

Majide

My boyfriend and I talked about marriage, weddings, proposals, the ring, when, etc. before he actually proposed.  I was sad and told him I wanted it to be a surprise - that it's not the same with him talking about it and asking me about it.

He still managed to surprise me though.  We made plans one weekend to go to Ikea and Cheesecake Factory (usually an occasional thing - we go for our anniversary or Valentine's Day and stuff like that).  So I just knew he was going to propose while we were there.

Instead he threw me off and proposed the night before, outside the area we went on our first date  

So it might not be a complete surprise, but you still don't know when, where, or how.  There is still fun to be had!

Angelface225

After 6 years and already starting to plan the wedding FI still managed to surprise me! I knew it was coming, but not the when, where or how. It will all be fine!

erinlin25

My mom sort of did the same thing (I at least knew he was asking my dad but he was not proposing yet).  So I "disappeared" when my now FI wanted to talk to my dad privately.  Of course Dad told Mom, so when I came back into the house with my brother and nephew my mom yelled "Erin's getting engaged!"  I was embarrased and my I know my FI was caught off guard since we knew it would be awhile until he actually proped (the ring was about 6-8 weeks out or delivery and my FI wanted the actual proposal to be a surprise).  So I just gave my mom "the look" and then of course the neighbors came by and my mom goes on to tell them!  I finally interupted the excitement cause I knew my FI was uncomfortable and told everyone we were not engaged and that while it was in the works we'd appreciate no formal announcements until it actually happens.  That was May; FI proposed in August and we made my parents suffer by waiting a week to even tell them we were engaged.  Was kinda a nice secret for awhile

 Anyway, any advise I can give is you still do not know when and how your BF will propose.  You guys have obviously talked about getting engaged so its no secret that its going to happen.  And you never know, he may be waiting awhile to actually propose, so don't get too excited until it happens.  Let your mom know you would appreciate not telling anyone until it the engagement is official.    I know its hard and I definitely had moments where I felt I needed to "look nice" every time we went out in case he proposed, but just let it happen naturally.  Don't let yourself get caught up in the "whenwill it happen."  I gave up trying to figure out when it would happen and FI caught me off guard so the proposal was still memorable and unforgetable and I wouldn't have planned it any other way. 

CourtAA

My FI and I always talked about getting married and I even knew when he had ordered the ring. I bugged him to tell me (not because I really wanted to know, but because I was excited) and he didn't, although I had a feeling it would happen on Christmas or New Years Eve (because of the time of the year). But I was still in shock on Christmas when he asked me. 

My point is, you'll still be surprised even if you know it's coming eventually. I wouldn't tell him since it might upset him/ hurt his feelings.

jcg23

I agree with everyone else, you knew before you guys were committed and were going to get engaged all you know is it's getting closer not anything else so I'd leave it alone and I do know how hard it is! Believe me I do!

bridalmarch

Fi had the ring at least a month before the proposal, and my sister, his sister, and my parents all knew about it. I knew it was coming, but he managed to totally floor me when he asked.

pinkdocmartens

Don't say anything!!!
I was in a similar situation and its just as fun and exciting watching how cute and nervous they get as they lead up to it!!!

del0003

I was in a similar situation. No one told me, but my fiancée is. So terrible at keeping secrets that he all but told me his plan. I knew it was going to happen on our trip to Disney, since it is such a special place to us, but I didn't know when. I didn't tell him, but I didn't act surprised either. I was just so happy in the moment it didn't matter that I was kind of expecting it. Ad at least I knew to look cute for photos afterward he asked me if I knew (because he is really bad at secrets so I usually figure things out early haha) and I told him that he would have to know he can't keep secrets from me! It was still wonderful and he didn't care. It makes for a cute story anyway!

lyndsay782

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_mother-told-me-boyfriends-proposal-plans?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:003280ec-3d8a-4544-bc4c-0bad8f5b3938Post:bfe32f5a-7404-4994-9fec-74e97065c323">Re: Mother told me boyfriend's proposal plans</a>:
[QUOTE]Don't say anything!!! I was in a similar situation and its just as fun and exciting watching how cute and nervous they get as they lead up to it!!!
Posted by pinkdocmartens[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I agree completely.  That was kind of how mine went.  I kind of knew something was gonna happen just from the way he was acting, it was more a matter of when.  And that caught me off guard.  My shy, "anti pda", "tough ex army guy" man proposed in front of our entire church, 300+ people.  Yeah, he's braver than I thought, but on a way different level now.   He was so nervous too... Someone videoed it and you can see how pale he was.  </div><div>
</div><div>Any who, just go with it, and pretend you know nothing. </div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

MrsH86

I know that has to be really frustrating that she did that... however, this is going to be one of the BEST moments of your life when he asks you! You know its coming.. but try not to think about it because you never know when the moment will strike. No negative thoughts... just focus on your amazing future with your love.

p.s. I knew my engagement was coming (within a month) and I was still just as excited during the moment and was totally surprised! My moment was great and yours will be too!

colleengilhooly

Don't tell him. My best friend (who helped him pick out my ring) told me that my fiance was going to ask me. To make it worse, the day of his proposal, my mom told me that she saw the ring and it looked just like my cousin's! Ugh! But it was still the best moment of my life and he has no idea that I knew it was coming. Nothing can take away the moment. (And my ring looks nothing at all like my cousin's, haha). Good luck!

StephJean83

My FH and I talked about getting married, including starting the process of custom making my ring. I was with him when he picked the ring up from the jewelers. He made me wait almost 3 weeks before he gave me the ring. Like PPs have said, don't say anything and just enjoy your relationship as it is right now. The months when we made the decision to get married and started having my ring made were incredibly sweet and probably my favorite time thus far in our relationship.