Engagement Party and Future Mother in Laws

dancinditzcoley

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heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_engagement-party-future-mother-laws?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:149a89a3-6df2-49e0-abae-045755dfc66bPost:ffec8242-118c-4635-aa49-af5084544aaf">Engagement Party and Future Mother in Laws</a>:
[QUOTE]Currently my fiance and I live with his parents to save money. I love his mother and we've gotten along well the whole time I've been with my FI...but since he proposed last month she hasn't stopped. Everyday she questions me about wedding plans--when we don't have any yet! We have a ballpark time frame of fall 2012 but are still reading up on venues to go look at. I simply told her my FI and I wouldn't be there for dinner because we were going out with my mother, she asked if we were going to look at wedding venues without her. That background aside, without even talking my mother--who is the opposite, very laid back and keeps telling me whatever i want (within $$ reasonable) is my choice-- and I both came up with the same idea for my engagement party. My parents had the perefect house for indoor entertaining. Finished bar in the basement, large kitchen, etc. I'm estatic about having family and friends there for a cocktail party with apps and desserts. When i brought the idea up a few weeks back to my future inlaws they said absolutley not, and I shouldn't expect my FMIL and my mother to cook for such an event. Which is not the case--my bridesmaids and I plan on baking the desserts (and are really excited about this) and possibly getting the apps catered, no one is asking my FMIL to cook anything. They want it at the resturant she had her 50 bday party a few years back. Which I feel will be a stuffy affair that won't give people as much of a chance to interact. I finally conviced my FI that my mother's house is the better option--save the sitdown meal for the wedding--but now I don't know how to bring it up to his parents, and i know my FI isn't going to be much help in that department. My FMIL can be involved in the planning as much as she wants, but she seems to forget its MY wedding. She already had  hers. Does she think it's tacky at my mothers? She won't have enough control? We'll look cheap? Idk what to do or how to tell her THIS IS WHAT I WANT without being offensive....
Posted by dancinditzcoley[/QUOTE]

Wait, so this is about an engagement party at your mom's house? I think I'd just explain to your FMIL that your mom offered to host an engagement party, and that you and your FI (assuming your FI is on board with this) are going to graciously accept. If it's your mom hosting the event, I don't see what it really has to do with your FMIL unless she feels left out with the planning. If that's what she's upset about, maybe your mom could ask FMIL for some help with planning it? If your FI is on board with it, maybe have him explain this to her.

dancinditzcoley

It is about it being at my mothers. but my FMIL shot down the idea of doing our engagement party there from the get-go.

redheadfsu

Tell your FMIL your mother is hosting (i.e. paying). Leave it at that/ Change the subject.

You see, the person that pays/hosts has complete say/power over the event. Your FML is not the one hosting, so she doesn't get to tell you anything. Now don't be rude or anything. Just say, "oh, my mother offered to host the E party. You don't need to worry about anything, we have it all planned. Isn't the weather nice today?"

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_engagement-party-future-mother-laws?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:149a89a3-6df2-49e0-abae-045755dfc66bPost:4842c029-f309-4e91-a6be-f07151ce3aae">Re: Engagement Party and Future Mother in Laws</a>:
[QUOTE]Tell your FMIL your mother is hosting (i.e. paying). Leave it at that/ Change the subject. You see, the person that pays/hosts has complete say/power over the event. Your FML is not the one hosting, so she doesn't get to tell you anything. Now don't be rude or anything. Just say, "oh, my mother offered to host the E party. You don't need to worry about anything, we have it all planned. Isn't the weather nice today?"
Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]

Yes, this exactly. Your FMIL can throw a fit all she wants about it, but she isn't involved with planning or paying for it, so she doesn't get to shoot down the idea.