Just Engaged and Proposals

How to have the Budget Talk

I'm so-so newly engaged (11/11/11) and, now that the novelty has worn off and work pressure has declined after the holidays, I'm trying to move forward with planning.

In the early days, my dad said that he and my mom were planning on contributing "substantially" to the cost of things. Six weeks later, I'm no closer to knowing what that "substantially" means.

My parents are not people that offer help, suggestions, money. I've had to ask for whatever I've wanted or figure out a way to do it myself. At the same time, I don't want to ask for money because, well, I think it's rude. ("Dad, can I have 8 grand?") Help from them would certainly be appreciated, but I don't know how to ask for it in this instance! Suggestions?

Re: How to have the Budget Talk

  • Since they already offered you can bring it up. You are not asking for help you are clarifying their offer. Say, "Dad, you and mom mentioned that you wanted to help with the wedding. Is that still the plan? If so, were you thinking you wanted to help with specific items ( dress or flowers) or do you have an overall idea of budget that you were thinking? Just remember things change so until you have the money, it isn't a sure thing. Plus remember accepting their money means they get a say in the wedding if they want a say. Which may not be an issue, but many a knottie has had their parents take over their wedding.

    Planning Bio
    Married 9/15/11

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    *This is Not Legal Advice*
  • It is definitely okay to ask since they have already brought it up. Find out how much specifically they are willing to give you or if they would rather pay for specific items. Like PPs have mentioned do not do anything until you have the money in your hand or bank account.
    imageDaisypath Anniversary tickers
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_budget-talk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:3a0566b6-b011-48b3-b7e0-e5414aa602bfPost:a38c8789-2b67-4063-9829-571282e7640e">Re: How to have the Budget Talk</a>:
    [QUOTE]I agree it's okay to ask since they brought it up.  But I wouldn't count on the money until it's in your hand/bank account.
    Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

    <div>yup</div>
  • I'm having a similar dilemma.  I Just (4/20/14) got engaged and hadn't even really had the budget talk with my fiance yet.  (The only thing we have decided is who we want to enjoy the day with)  However, I attended a relative's wedding this past weekend and my parents were outraged that neither family did not contribute anything to her wedding, but specifically that her family did not because I quote, "Her family is Supposed to pay for it to make it special".  This makes me think my parents are planning on helping, but bringing up money is nothing but awkward.  Since we don't even have a date set, is it okay for me to put this off for a while and see if they bring up the money subject again?  I don't want to prod about it and risk offending them or losing any help they'd be willing to give and since I'm the oldest there's really not a precedent in the family for weddings yet.
  • @taraxaverie this thread is almost 3 years old.
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  • You aren't going to "have a date" until you book a venue. And before you can book a venue, you need to know your budget. Figuring out a general time line, i.e. a season, a month, the year of when you want to get married is important. How close you are to that desirable month/ season will dictate when you really need to "finalize" your budget, and possibly have a conversation with your family. 
    I'm having a similar dilemma.  I Just (4/20/14) got engaged and hadn't even really had the budget talk with my fiance yet.  (The only thing we have decided is who we want to enjoy the day with)  However, I attended a relative's wedding this past weekend and my parents were outraged that neither family did not contribute anything to her wedding, but specifically that her family did not because I quote, "Her family is Supposed to pay for it to make it special".  This makes me think my parents are planning on helping, but bringing up money is nothing but awkward.  Since we don't even have a date set, is it okay for me to put this off for a while and see if they bring up the money subject again?  I don't want to prod about it and risk offending them or losing any help they'd be willing to give and since I'm the oldest there's really not a precedent in the family for weddings yet.

  • @KnotPorscha Please close this zombie thread.
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