SHOULD I BE DISSAPOINTED IN MY PROPOSAL?

Nriggs1

Hey everyone! i have been on the site for a few months now but im not much of a blogger so this is my 1st post. I felt compelled to say something about my 2 proposals by my FH or lack there of in my eyes. Lets start with # 1.... this happened in November of last year. We were laying in bed talking and we started to dance around "marriage/children topic"...he decides to just blurt out... " i think we just need to go ahead & do it because we are not living right in gods eyes and we are going to end up in hell if we don't straighten this out". I agreed because we had been living together for a little over 2 years and were sexually active. So the wedding plans went from there....I didn't get an engagement ring from him due to  financial strains so i just bought a cute 3 stone ring from Avon.

[# 2] yesterday evening [5/21/10] his sister text me and said they were having a celebration dinner @ buffalo wild wings in pearland because his niece graduated from kindergarten. I wasn't able to attended the graduation due to work so i was super excited to go, even stopped to get her a small cake. This particular BWW was also were my FH took me on our first date. When the waitress brought everyone's food out, instead of sitting mine down she put down a zales box. I was looking kinda of confused at that point. MY FH yells from across the table [mind you there are 8 people @ the table and im not sitting very close to him] "Will You Marry Me?".... i could barley hear him because of how loud it was in the restaurant so i said "HUH" as i was opening the box. He repeated his self a little louder and i said yes with a little smirk. he came around the table and i gave him and hug but inside i really wanted to cry. I was just disappointed about the way he did it. The thought & effort  he put into getting everyone there & to have it @ the site was awesome. He is such a sensitive and kind person, i just expected a bit more of a personal proposal. My reaction really hurt his feelings and i feel bad about that but do my feelings not count in this either? Am i being ungrateful?

sariesue

No, he spent a lot of  time planning the proposal. Making sure that you were going to be at the restaurant, showing up before you to arrange the server to bring you the ring instead of your meal, being it at the site of your first date...  Plus there is the fact that he did all of this when you were already engaged. Even the best planned proposals don't always happen the way they were planned. 

Festiva

I know how you feel actually.
My FI tried to propose with an Easter Basket on Easter Morning.  Well, my daughter- then 5 years old- started going through my basket and found the egg with the ring.  She said "WHAT IS THIS MOMMY?"  then he awkwardly got on one knee...I'm in my bathrobe, hair a mess, coffee breath and all...and VERY nervously says "will...you marry...me?"  with his head down the entire time.  Yep- down.  He felt that awkward.

I was a tad bit disappointed ... but I got over it pretty quickly.  You engagement story is sweet, it really is.  And so is mine!

There is waaaayyy too much dreamy haze put on the perfect proposal.  Life isn't that way...it's better

Nriggs1

Thanks so much for your Replys. I was pretty much over it when i got up this morning but he is still really upset with me for being honest about how i felt. Which made me 2nd guess myself.. like maybe i should have just lied to him.

Festiva

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_should-dissapointed-proposal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:60cfec79-99a4-41dc-b89d-94789b4f0a84Post:1b6827ab-f0b0-4b8c-a432-f3ce6716967f">Re: SHOULD I BE DISSAPOINTED IN MY PROPOSAL?</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks so much for your Replys. I was pretty much over it when i got up this morning but he is still really upset with me for being honest about how i felt. Which made me 2nd guess myself.. like maybe i should have just lied to him.
Posted by Nriggs1[/QUOTE]

You're fine....actually from an outsider point of view this seems the type of story you two tell with laughter and reminiscent sweetness.  It will seem different to him as time passes and he looks back at it, and it will to you too. 

naenay797

My proposal wasn't as I ever imagined it either. We were actually in the middle of you know what when he propsed. But I loved it and said yes right away. Of course, our families don't know how it went down. We just tell people that we were at home when he proposed.

Phoeber

Honestly, I was a little disappointed in my proposal.  It was Christmas morning and his 6 year old niece was handing out gifts to the family.  After all the gifts had been opened, she came out with a ring box, gave it to me, and said "my uncle wants to know if you will marry him."  He didn't even ask me himself.  But I said yes, and was thrilled to be engaged.

I think you just need to focus on the fact that you are engaged and not worry about how it happened.  It seems like he did put some time into coordinating the proposal and I'm sure he was nervous!

jennylove810

Dude my proposal was lame.

One night FI & I almost got into a fight because here I was, stupid girl, thinking he'd never propose.  And I never, ever wanted to be 'that girl' who harasses the crap out of her man until he finally does it (we all know the type).  Anyway, we're talking about it one night and I was a little sad, thinking I'd be waiting for ages and ages, when to prove me wrong he goes into the other room to get the box.  Turns out he'd been waiting for a nice day later in the week to take me on a picnic, and I blew it.

Don't worry about your proposal.  I'm sure your FI loves you more than anyone else in the world, he picked you, and you're planning a wedding.  That's what counts.

luckyme502

My FH never proposed to me. We just talked about it and started planning.  Then a couple months later we bought the ring and I just started wearing it. 

blackfire5th

I think the majority of proposals are pretty lame, but it's really in how you tell the story.  In most of the stories above, if a few details were omitted, they would be those wonderful proposals we all hear about.

karmellah

mine rocked, but i also knew it was coming so it wasnt a surprise. It looks like all our Fis are very sensitive. they took time and thought about how much they loved us to get us these rings. I think your proposal was just divine.

JillianKrystal

i understand u want it personal but u gotta see the good in it. he screamed his love to u in front of people at the restuarant u went to on your first date. he tried. he did good i think.

my FI came home from lunch and asked me because i saw his bank statement (long story) and afterwards went back to work.

my story is extremely lame but at least were getting married and that occasional will not be nearly as lame as how he propsed!

jme35

My first proposal was over fried chicken (and totally unexpected).  He was disappointed somewhat because while we had looked at rings, i really had no idea what I wanted.  So, I told him he could do it again once i had the ring.

My second proposal, I was lured into the backyard under the guise of "you are never going to believe what (fi's eight-year old) found earlier."  So, expecting an animal carcass, I tentatively went - cue the twinkly lights and kissing ball under ther arbor.

So I could focus on the fried chicken and animal carcass parts of the story, but I choose to instead focus on how I got two proposals, and that the man I love wants to spend his life with me. 

AmandalovesAl

It stinks that it wasn't what you expected, but lets face it girls, most of us have been thinking about it for years and it's hard to live up to those expectations!!!  Honestly you will have so many more amazing moments together, over time, you will look back on this and laugh.  Have FUN planning the wedding!!

KarliVtobe

My FI proposed to me in a Sears parking lot.. It's a very long story but he had put A LOT of thought into it.  At first I was disappointed. This was not at all what I was expecting out of a proposal but when I realized why in his mind he thought that was the perfect time I loved it.  Your FI put so much effort into the moment and getting everyone there that you should appreciate it.  Keep in mind that it's not HOW he proposed but that he DID ask you to be in his life for the remainder of his life.  That's what is so special about the moment. Romantic or not it's romantic in itself.

simplyhippie

The first time FI proposed was sweet, but spur-of-the-moment and ringless.  The second time was just last week and he didn't even ask, really.  We went to pick up my custom ring and he handed it to me and said 'Make sure it fits', and paid for it. lol.  I was disappointed all day and we got into a 'How can you be disappointed with that GIANT custom ring on your finger?' discussion.  All I could say was 'an I love you, or a wink would have been nice?'.

We argue with smiles, though, so it was really just sort of funny.

trinalo

My proposal was kinda lame too (it's in my Knot bio if you're curious), but I don't care. We'd been talking about marriage for so long that I was just so glad we were finally going for it.

emiegarland

First, most guys aren't good at doing exactly what any girl wants unless someone has told them what to do.  It seems like he put a lot of effort into thinking up something sweet to do for you.  He could've just given you a ring one afternoon with no second question or anything.  

Second, I understand being a little disappointed.  But in the end, he wants to marry you so much that he asked TWICE!  He's trying!!    Keep your head up!

BreeL

Our proposal was also lame, and it's good to hear I'm not the only one. I think a little part of me will always be a little disappointed no matter what anybody says. But it's not the end of the world so it's not something worth staying upset over. No matter what though always be honest about your feelings, even if it's not always something the other person wants to hear, because it'll still bring you closer together.

mrsmatt522

Our proposal was really lame too... He barged in on my best friend and I's girls night, and proposed in her extremly messy living room. He's mentioned doing it again, but I don't care about anything more than I got a proposal. He loves me, I love him. End of story... I totally understand being disappointed. I always hoped that it would get caught on tape, and it would be outside in a beautiful setting, but now we just laugh. It's what makes us... us!

Just like girls who are disappointed in the size of their ring, I understand it because mine is a 1/2 carat, but he found a way to put it on my finger with hardly a dime to his name because he loved me and wanted to make me his wife, for richer or poorer, to me that makes it more beautiful than the big 4 carat honker my best friend's husband gave her.

If you love him, all that matters is he's your husband =]... live it up!

JoyMatt424

Aw that is a cute story! He sounds like he cares about you ALOT. Which is so much better than having the proposal out of the movies. And you got a beautiful ring out of the deal! Revel in the fact that he loves you more than you can comprehend Congratulations!

NickDanielleB

I think its a sweet proposal. Sounds like he did it with his family there, which means he was taking it seriously on some level. But I agree with other posts, we have been thinking about this day for years. But it never really turns out the way we had envisioned.

Mine was along the same lines of jennylove. We had got into a little argument/heated discussion about getting engaged. We had been talking about it for a year. He told me he had a ring picked out but had to fly out of state to get it (he has a jeweler as a friend). His schedule is so hectic that I thought it was never going to happen. He finally told me to stop stressing, he would do it soon, but that he wanted to make sure he could plan it so it was special. Little did I know the box was in his car. He ended up proposing to me the next night at the place where we had our first date. I felt silly for fighting about it the night before, but now we laugh about it and it does make for an interesting story to share. Now that we are about 4 months out from the wedding, I wouldn't have had it any other way.

rien713

Aw man, mine was similar to jennylove and Danielle's. Only, I knew he had bought the ring. He was tormenting me about it every chance he could get. We'd been talking marriage for awhile, then he tells me he bought the ring, but he's in no hurry to actually give it to me, "we have YEEEARS," saying we've made it long into our 20s without marrying, why not just wait 'til we're 30, etc blahblahannoyingcakes.

One day I just snapped. Told him to shut up about the ring, stop teasing me about getting married, and just drop everything related thereto (with lots of f-bombs thrown in for good measure). Then I stomped upstairs to my office and fell asleep on my futon.

... he woke me up a couple hours later and made me go (read: trudge unwillingly) outside so he could crawl around and show me the rows in the garden he'd just planted. I so did not care. Then he turned around with the ring.

I was still half-asleep and felt like a total asshole. lol

We have our whole lives to dream up our vision of the perfect proposal. I really do think most of our guys are doing the best they can.

NickDanielleB

Aw, rein - I love your story. I wish you had a picture of your face. I felt like a jerk too. My FI said he was trying to get me mad at him on purpose before he proposed so that he could totally throw me of the scent. It worked like a charm.

CarmenGrace11

Don't worry about being disappointed.  It sounds like he put a little thought in to in and tried to be sweet.  My brothers have worse stories and it is because they had the ring and couldnt wait!   One brother proposed to my sister in law in her kitchen. (they were going to the beach that night and he couldn't wait!!)
One of my other brothers did it in his camper.  He was going to take her out trail riding up to where my fiance actually proposed to me after they were engaged.
Well it was raining that day so he just decided he couldnt wait and did it right there!  
So be happy he tried to do it in a sweet way...i think i different restuarant would have made it better but at least it wasnt in a camper or a kitchen. haha

butterflies51908

Just be happy he proposed.  Life's not all rainbows & fairytales.

mstar284

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_should-dissapointed-proposal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:60cfec79-99a4-41dc-b89d-94789b4f0a84Post:154df402-901a-45e5-ab8c-2908189bff76">Re: SHOULD I BE DISSAPOINTED IN MY PROPOSAL?</a>:
[QUOTE]Just be happy he proposed.  Life's not all rainbows & fairytales.
Posted by butterflies51908@hotmail.com[/QUOTE]

I agree. My friends provided stories about Aruba, sunset beaches, surprise romantic dinners, candles, champagne, and even "decadent chocolates". Sure, it was cute and romantic, but my story is my story. It's unique (maybe not the most romantic), but special nevertheless. You have an original story and experience, cherish it for what it is, not what it could have been or what other people have done.

JesskaLynnLove

Oh, gosh... My ex proposed to me while smoking a cigarette on the rooftop of a shopping mall, the day after he cheated on me, with possibly THE tackiest ring ever created. Ooh, and he said something to the effect of, "So, you wanna get married then?" (Although I had more reasons for breaking it off than all of that.)

I'd trade you in an instant.

And just so you know, it's okay to feel disappointed. You had your ideas in your head of how it would be, and it wasn't. Doesn't mean you love him less, doesn't mean he loves you less, and it certainly doesn't make you selfish.

It's really not the proposal that matters. It's not even the wedding that matters. It's the relationship you have.

[Deleted User]

I LOVE reading these stories! Thanks for sharing ladies. 

We have been in a long distance relationship relationship for a bit over a year although we have known each other for 30 years. 

My FI proposed while I was visiting him back in May- completely unexpected while we were laying in bed. Mind you we had just come back from a motorcycle ride to watch the sunset in the mountains (he didn't have time to go home to get the ring beforehand). He intended to propose NYE but my daughter had just gotten engaged for her December bday (he didn't want to steal her thunder). He also was going to propose while we were in Vegas in February (the "right" time never presented itself) Then once again in March for our 1 yr anniversary (my daughter was just diagnosed w/Leukemia so once again the timing was bad). Right before he popped the question (in our sleeping clothes, no make up etc) I was boo hooing about how we could close the gap in this LDR all the while my head is laying comfortably on his arm. His slipped his arm from under me and I thought ARGH- I was so comfy-lol but he did so to grab the ring he had tucked under his pillow. 

Initially I was so shocked I didn't know what to say but just stare into his eyes to see if he was serious. All the while my mind is whirling with thoughts. Of course I said yes but not before I unintentionally kept him waiting for a few minutes.  Honestly one of the thoughts that crossed my mind at the moment was this is not what I had in mind for a proposal, he didn't get on his knee, I am not dressed. 

We still hold these preconceived princess ideas as ladies of romance but really when it comes down to it we are in love and I know w/o a doubt I want to spend the rest of my life with him !  He did talk with my children to get their OK, he spoke with his family. The ring belonged to his mom So the proposal may not have been the most romantic but the prelude to it definitely was!