recommended book for young engaged couple

violet11

My husband's stepsister just got engaged, she is 18 and not even graduated high school yet and she's getting married this June.  Not that young couples can't make it, but I don't think she really understands what it will be like to be married and independent from her parents (she's never held a real job and doesn't really know what she wants to do).  Her FI has a job, but it pays minimum wage and has no benefits.  I worry that they are moving so quickly and would like to get them a book that may highlight some things they need to consider before getting married.  I wanted to know if anyone had any recommendations of a book that would be helpful.  I'm clearly worried and want them to be informed before they make such a big decision.  I appreciate any help.

kdqueen16

Christian books or not?

violet11

they are christian, so it could go either way. 

ScissortailFlycatcher

Although I understand where your coming from, and your obivously concerned for her and their welfare as a couple.  Isn't this up to her parents to discuss with.

Or, are her parents out of the picture?  and your stepping in. If thats so, I think it would be really sweet to take her out to lunch and just have a talk with her, see where she's coming from.  I don't think giving her a book will make a difference. 
Knowing, that if I were 18 and someone gave me a book and said here, read this. I'd probably be pretty hurt by the gesture.

I think talking with her, face to face, will be the best way to let her know what you and your husband think, and I think she'll be more apt to listen.

janedoe1113a

At 18, I probably wouldn't have read a book someone gave me about marriage.  Sorry, I'm not help.

DanielleD7782

My friend let me borrow a book called, "before you plan your wedding, plan your marriage". I haven't read it yet, but she is a devout Christian and says this is a great book to help put things in perspective.

SarahBerah

I feel like, as a fairly young engaged woman myself, that if it is done in the right manner, not in a condeming or belittling way, having an older person who has some insight giving me something like that would be a nice thing. Obviously if she is mature enough to get married she should be mature enough to have an adult conversation with someone who just has her best interest at heart. But I think the key is, if in a conversation with you or a book you give her, to not deny the fact that it is possible for a young woman to truly be in love and ready for marriage. Also,this is more of a person opinion that some may disagree with but it also needs to be stressed to her that having a skill and way to support herself is so very important, especially in todays uncertain economy. Nothing wrong with stay ay home wife/mom but in reality, especially if her FI only gets min, wage, she NEEDS to make sure she can work too. its the 21st century, women don't have to be supported by their husbands but can work together for it.

wednesday51

Yikes. Part of me wants to say let her make her own mistakes and I bet you she'll be pregnant, divorced, and back in with her parents within a year of the wedding (like my FI's cousin after getting married 2 months after turning 20. I think her plan was to go straight from high school to being a stay at home mom for the rest of her life).  

How can they even afford to move out? Doesn't that sort of defeat the purpose of getting married if you're still living at home?  I don't think this couple needs a book, they need a reality check. Maybe trying to pay rent with one person making minimum wage will be that reality check. People that young can be naive (not saying all are) and no matter how much you tell them its a mistake, they will not listen.

violet11

I appreciate your comments and do feel like there is little I can say or do as her parents are fairly supportive of the union.  It's hard to talk to someone when there will likely be little lull in planning and everything seems exciting.  I agree that she is naive and will likely realize that it will be tougher than it seems.  As well, her parents seem to side step every question my husband or his brother try to ask about the realistic parts (where will they live, how they will support themselves).  They don't make it easy to have that type of conversation.

Thanks for the book suggestion, it does look interesting.  I wish I was closer to that side of my husband's family so it would be easier to approach her with this.  I just feel someone needs to make an effort in presenting the other, more realistic side of her decision.  I appreciate the comment about not being totally negative, because I agree that would totally turn her off.  As I mentioned before, I believe some people could make it, but given their situation and her lack of real life experiences and a job, I think it's going to be very tough.  Again, thanks for the insight.

grahamsm3

I read

Seven Principals for Making Marriage Work, John Gottman

for a class in college about 5 years ago and I still remember some of the ideas today.

http://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0609805797/ref=pd_sim_b_2

Vintagelove4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_recommended-book-young-engaged-couple?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:68257c9c-9e23-4745-bb56-75b418752c11Post:45697911-f2ff-42ee-a9ad-e5167ca5b30a">Re: recommended book for young engaged couple</a>:
[QUOTE]I feel like, as a fairly young engaged woman myself, that if it is done in the right manner, not in a condeming or belittling way, having an older person who has some insight giving me something like that would be a nice thing. Obviously if she is mature enough to get married she should be mature enough to have an adult conversation with someone who just has her best interest at heart. But I think the key is, if in a conversation with you or a book you give her, to not deny the fact that it is possible for a young woman to truly be in love and ready for marriage. Also,this is more of a person opinion that some may disagree with but it also needs to be stressed to her that having a skill and way to support herself is so very important, especially in todays uncertain economy. Nothing wrong with stay ay home wife/mom but in reality, especially if her FI only gets min, wage, she NEEDS to make sure she can work too. its the 21st century, women don't have to be supported by their husbands but can work together for it.
Posted by SarahBerah[/QUOTE]

This.