Does anyone else feel this way?

JB26368

So our wedding isn't until 2012 because we're paying our own way and want to try to pay as much in cash as we can. Everytime someone asks me when the big day is and I tell them, I always get the same reaction of "why are you waiting so long", or "oh, you have a while yet....". I'm starting to feel like people aren't taking us seriously because we can't bump our date to next October (like we origianlly wanted). Is anyone going though this, or did go through it, or am I just thinking into this too much?

DannahnMatt

I sure did.  My fiance and I had a two year engagement because I had gotten my braces put on and didn't want to be a blushing bride with a grill.    We are paying for all of ours and it is working out to our advantage.  ALL of the wedding will be paid of without any newly married debt.  Keep that in mind each time someone makes you feel like your not being taken seriously.  Unfortunetly, people say things without thinking about the impact that it may have.  Let it roll off your shoulders because you will show them on that day when you get to walk down the aisle to the one you love.  And the wait is so worth it as frustrating as it may be, it is. 

As an added bonus, 3 sets of our friends got engaged after us and are getting married before us.  And one of them took majority of my plans for their wedding which is planned two months before mine, (unintentionally of course).  At the end of the day, the marriage, the vows and the unity is what is most important, don't forget that. 

mwhitson14

A lot of my family didn't take us seriously because we had such a long engagement and pushed the date back. But it's all worked out in the end, and it was way better for us to wait as long as we did than do the year we originally planned on.

Just be confident in your decision to wait, and it will be fine.

Julz629

As your wedding gets closer, I'm sure people will get more excited about it.  We're only having an 18 month engagement, but now as we're getting closer, people respond differently. 

Jennasourus

I just got engaged two weeks ago (yay!) and we are planning on waiting two years as well. We could have done it next year but then we would have to struggle to save, and even then it would be hard. I want the whole wedding process to fun and stress free and for me that means waiting two years. I do feel like people are sometimes taken back by how long we are waiting but honesty i don't care.. its our wedding and we are trying to make it perfect for us!

Don't let people stress you out!

Greenfishy

Our engagement is about 3 years, and for the most part people are glad to see that we are taking our time( we were both almost 21 when we got engaged).  There are a few people who ask us why we are waiting so long too, but you just have to remember that this day is about the two of you, and do whatever makes you two the happiest in the end.

MrsJG2Be

LIke jennasourus, I too got engaged 2 weeks ago. However FI and I haven't set a date, hopefully in spring or early fall in 2011 though . We're paying for most of it ourselves and we need to set aside for that as well as a down payment on a house. We've already decided that it will be family members only (and my BFF) attending our ceremony and reception. He doesn't want a huge wedding and neither do I.

qttchica

I get/got that a lot with our engagment which will be just over two years long.  We're paying for the entire wedding ourselves and are going to have no debt at the end.  I'm pretty proud of that.  It just irritates me that people ask me that though.  Do people not know that weddings can be expensive, take a lot of time to plan and parents don't always help with the cost?

jnish

I recently got engaged and we are waiting two years to have the wedding. I hear the same things you do. I hate the why are you waiting so long?? Um because we're not going to use our savings for a wedding and I don't want to stress and plan a wedding right away. . . . .I guess its just the norm for some people to get married right away once they get engaged. Glad I'm not the only one who hears this!!I am happy that we are waiting though because I think the planning experience is going to be a lot less stressful. 

DuckyL42

A lot of people have their own opinions about how long an engagement should be... My FI and I have been engaged three months (we'll be engaged a little over 18 months when we get married), and people are still telling me about how I have all the time in the world. Whenever I even mention wedding plans people seem to be uncomfortable. Plus most of the people I'm around swear by 6 months or less when it comes to engagement...
In the end it's really true that a lot of debt is not worth hearing tons of positive comments about your short engagement. You have a whole life together and it's not worth starting it off in stress and debt just so everyone else feels good.
I wish the best for both of you!

Michelle Dawson

There were 4 couples in my church who all got engaged around the same time in April. One got married in July, the other two in September and we're waitng until March 27. So yeah we got that a lot too, but now that it's closer to the wedding, people are really supportive all of a sudden. It's like oh we're so proud of you for waitng. Even one of the couples said they wished they had taken a little more time just to enjoy being engaged! So just let people know that you're doing things the right way. And blow it off.

526SadieSadie

If it helps you put things into perspective, we got engaged the day after Thanksgiving in 2009, our wedding is October 10, 2010 and I still hear "why are you waiting so long?" from people.  Don't worry about these people who aren't contributing to your wedding.  I think it's a fantastic idea that you want to wait so you can put enough money aside, it shows a lot of maturity.  The next person who asks should get a smile and a, "we'll get married next weekend if you plan it and pay for everything!"  You don't owe anyone an explanation. If anything, you'll be the most informed bride ever so you can be confident when you hire your vendors. You have enough time to be able to talk to as many as you want and will have your pick of the litter when the time comes!  Enjoy your engagement!!  Ask every question you can think of, this only happens once, make it all yours!!!

swim1011

We got the same questions and comments, with an engagement just under 2 years.  I simply told people that we were saving up to pay for the wedding and couldn't possibly afford to have it any earlier.  That stopped most people from asking any more question.  If they were persistent (and being rude) I got snarky and told them we were accepting contributions if they wanted it earlier.  But I only had to say that once or twice, thankfully!

bf43005

OMG this happened so many times with us!  We bought a house 6 months after we got engaged, and like you we were paying it all ourself.  We also didn't want to take out any loans or go into credit card debt.  We are getting married in June and have been engaged since September of 2006! 

After a while I got so frustrated that I just told everyone:
"Why are you waiting so long"
"If you don't like it we are open to taking donations!"

Don't let it ruin this time for you!  Enjoy it with your FI and know what you are doing is the best for the two of you! Best of luck!!!

Penguins24

me and FI will have been engaged for just over 2 year when we are married and when i finally set the date and started telling people i got a lot of "its about time" or "finally" and i would just say back, yes i know, ive been so excited im glad its finally here!! just try not to let it bother you!!

phut_action

Yea we've been getting some of that too. We got engaged in August of 2009 and are getting married in May of 2011. My sister is getting married Aug 2010 and my brother graduates college in June 2010 and my cousin graduates high school and several of my friends are getting married in 2010, so its already really crowded. I thought it was a lot ot ask of friends and family to travel and spend all that cash, so we're waiting. 

If people dont seem to understand that reasoning, I say since marriage is supposed to be a forever choice, what is the big rush? We'll be spending the rest of our lives together, so lets take our time and not get stressed and time crunched over the big day.

if they don't understand that reasoning, then tell them since the world is ending in 2012, you wanted to go out with a bang. 

miss4sythe

Hi there!  Yes, I know exactly how you feel!  My fiance and I are getting married July 24th, 2010 and we got engaged In October 2008. When people found out that we set a date in 2010 they instantly questioned why we were waiting so long and why not get married sooner.  Our reason was our work schedules!  I coach high school basketball and there was no way I could have planned a wedding for summer of 2009, and we wanted to really take our times and plan the perfect day. I did not want to be stressed and feel rushed making decisions about the most important day in our lives!    I got so irriitated that our friends and families were not being respectful and throwing their two sense in.  Finally, I just came to the realization that people do not need to know what our reasons were..it is our wedding, and they need to mind their own business.  Ever since when people would ask, "Why are you waiting so long?"  My answer was, "Because it is what we want."  So, don't get frustrated..It is your wedding and you can do whatever you want!!! If they do not like your answer...tough!!  Hahaaa...Good luck with your planning!  Enjoy it! 

LoveWins88

I know exactly how you feel! Except, we will be a couple months shy of a four year engagement when we finally get married.
We've changed our date three times, and were dead serious about the date each time we set it, but life is unpredictable. Our families also didn't take us seriously, because the date kept changing. But now we've had the budget discussion, and started compiling a guest list/asking for addresses, so I think it's more real to them now.
I wouldn't let it bother you too much. You and your FI know you're serious, and the first year will go by quicker than you think, so just enjoy it.

bblouin

I know how you feel! We are not getting married until 2012 because like you, we are also paying for it oursleves plus I went back to school for my nursing degree so I want to graduate first.  We get those remarks as well.  I constantly feel like we have to defend ourselves.  One person gave us a specially hard time and I just shot back "Well are YOU going ot pay for our wedding?" and they left us alone.  Not the best way to handle it I know but he was being quite rude.

rivkahstein1

My fiancé and I got engaged last December and will be getting married this may.  More than anyone my family really put the pressure on about having a long engagement especially because we were dating for 5 years when we got engaged.  I think a lot more people are having long engagements that not, many young people are being smart and trying to buy houses and not get into any kind of debt over the wedding. One of the major reasons we waited so long to get married was because I wanted to finish graduate school before I go married and all my friends supported me on that decision.  I did feel that people forgot about us over the engagement period, but now that it’s getting closer and invitations are out people are getting really excited for our big day to come.  Just remember your wedding day is about you and your fiancé and not anybody else and you need to do what makes you happy without breaking the bank

NJMom050911

We got engaged in October 2008 and our wedding is August 28th 2010, we got the same questions as most of you guys did. Why wait so long etc....We wanted to buy a home before our wedding and we also wanted to pay cash up front so we are not in debt at the beginning of our marriage, so many people don't think of what it takes to put a wedding together when you're paying for it yourself. So I simply tell them, we waited so we are not in debt.

srdauer3

I absolutely do! We were engaged on December 19, 2009 and our wedding is on September 10, 2011.  We are also paying our own way and we're doing a destination wedding to Vegas not to mention throwing a reception back here.  Now we're figuring out how much the reception will cost on top of our normal responsibilities of our house and bills.  Forget what people say! It's your day and if you want to give them a smart answer just say, "well you're more than welcome to pitch in so we can move the date up sooner".  I'm quite sure you'll reserve yourself but it will serve them right! By the way my best friend has been engaged since February '08 and her date is May '11.  So no worries and enjoy yourself!

rubber_chicken

we were engaged for 2 years.  the initial excitement from friends/family faded after a month and didn't ratchet up again until about 6 months before the wedding.  which was fine, i mean, we didn't spend the whole 2 years thinking WEDDING WEDDING WEDDING every day, how could expect anyone else to.  and even if i'd spent every day planning, how much attention were they supposed to give us anyway.  nobody cares as much about your wedding as you do.   

stylechild622

Well first of all congrats on your engagement. Second yes i went through this too. My fiance and i decided to wait two years for the same reason as you. People at first were surprised, but i think it had more to do with their shock of seeing us being practical about  wedding cost. most people dont do what we did. I think they take you seriously. im sure they dont realize they are bothering you with their commentary. My wedding is now 2 1/2 months away and all people are saying to my fiance and I is how smart we are to have planned it the way we did.
good luck planning itll be here before you know it!

Jo-Rose01

My future hubby and I have now been together for just over 6 years, we have been engaged for roughly 2 years now and still have a year and a half to go.  And trust me, waiting was our only option. lol.
Since we got together in beginning of 2004 we have had 3 beautiful little girls and build a house, which resently cought fire and although the fire wasn't that bad the smoke and water damage sure did a number on it.
Our wedding is going to be June 11, 2011.  I already have a deposite on my dress and since I am kind of a control freak, I will also be doing the invitations myself.  We will be doing most everything we can on our own and with minor assistance from my family.  So the long engagement works for us, people understand our situation so we have not been hassled about or time line. lol

tommyandy

JB26368, Please get wedding insurance incase a vendor that you have already paid goes under.  While the economy is starting to pick back up, businesses are still going under.  We are getting married this year, but on a Wednesday.  Why a Wednesday? is the most popular question so far.  It's our 'couple-hood' anniversary & it happens to be a Wednesday this year.  Bonus is that a weekday wedding is 20% cheaper.

SmithMcFarlane

Yep, we are going through that too, because of cost and us wanting to get married on the day we got engaged, we are waiting 2 years from the date of our engagement.  To make matters worse, my younger brother is getting married 6 months before us to a girl that he knew for only 6 months when they got engaged.  They are only having a 1 year engagement.  People look at Jeff and I and they are always like why are you waiting so long, your younger brother is going to get married first.  I don't understand why people can't just mind their own business!

rahkstar

yes, yes, a thousand times yes.  we got engaged last may and we're not getting married until NEXT november.  everyone kind of sighs when we tell them our date, and it's super annoying.  and i love love LOVE those helpful comments of, "oh, i couldn't bear to wait!  it was all i could do to wait 4 months!" 

FI's cousin even said we'd fall out of love by that date!  ridiculously rude.

everyone else gave great advice.  eff 'em if they can't take a joke, so to speak.  you do what's right for YOU, and as stated above, they are welcome to pay for it if they want it earlier. 

grrrrrrrr.

deb84

We are having a 20 month engagment and I hear comments like that all the time! It use to really upset me because I thought no one was excited for us but now I realize that they are excited for us.  No one can be excited for 20 months about something!  I'm not even excited all day every day! There are times I totally forget about the wedding.  As it gets closer I know people will ask more about it and be more excited (as will I).  You are doing what is right for you as a couple and they will all come around. Don't let them convince you to push the date ahead.  People have tired telling us we should and we just tell them we are happy with the way things are planned right now. 

simplebride_24

I got engaged this past September and our wedding is in April 2011.  I hear flack all the time from people about why we are waiting.  A friend of my FI's told him that I was being selfish because I chose the date without asking them what they wanted.  Oooh, she pissed me off.  She had no right to make the comment, since her wedding 3 years ago I missed a family get together for.  They have nothing planned, who gives a
rats-a!**!!  I honestly say, let people give you flack, and when you come out of your wedding not owing anything or very little, and its your day, your way. They will shut up!

sharksfan20

My fiance and I got a little of that aswell because we got engaged in November 2008 and aren't getting married until July 2010. We are also paying for most of it by ourselves, although we've gotten some great help from our parents.

If anyone gives you greif about the date, tell them "You try planning and budgeting a wedding. It's a lot harder than it sounds."
 
Don't get discouraged!