Deleted.

Wunderfluff

...

sister2groom

The longer you wait, the worse it will ne. Just tell them now. Don't make a big deal about it, just call and tell them. If you wait until you're spending all day Christmas with them, you'll have to listen to them all day about it. And if you spend Christmas with them (or if you're not going to see them over Christmas you'll at least probably talk to them over the holidays)  and don't tell them, it will look like you're hiding it from them. If you tell them now, they stew about it by themselves for a bit before Christmas and maybe chill out a little.

bethsmiles

The best thing you can do is just sit down and be honest with them. Be open-minded about their concerns because they may be valid. If you are honest with them and open hearing what they have to say chances are this will be go a lot smoother. However if you go into it already defensive and expecting one thing then its going to be a disaster. Also the sooner you do this the better, you really don't want to risk them finding out from someone else.

IMO if you are mature enough to get married you need to be mature enough to handle telling your parents and if you can't well then maybe you should put the wedding on hold.

PandaBurr

How old are you?

[Deleted User]

If you are old enough to get married, you are old enough to sit down and talk with them and tell them the truth. Even if they are not happy for you or try to bring you down, just tell them nicely you don't appreciate it just bc they have had not so good marriages and move on. If you have to, remove yourself from the situation, leave their house, whatever it takes. Don't let their negativity get to you bc since it sounds like they are bitter about marriage in general, that very well may be what they try to do.

While my H proposed in front of my parents, my Mom is the type of person who cannot be happy for anyone regardless of the situation. While she has gotten better and our relationship has improved, she still has a long ways to go. There have been many times when I couldn't take her crap that I just up and left. That was the best way for me to cope and deal with it bc trying to talk to her like an adult did not work most of the time.

Gracie_InLove

Just be happy about everything that is happening in your life and don't other people's missfortunes dictate what's going to happy to you.  Believe in you guys with all your heart.

orangecrush32

As much as you're dreading the conversation, you need to have it and the sooner the better. My parents aren't going to be thrilled when my bf pops the question, but they'll still be the first people I call. They're you're parents. As much as they might not agree with your decision, they still love you and deserve to hear about this from you.

nannewmur

First of all, congrats!!  Enjoy this time!!

As a parent, I would be cautious if my 21 yo DD got engaged to someone she has only known for a little over a year.  I assume that you probably don't see your parents that often so they probably feel like they don't know your fiance?  Add that to their own past situations, that is probably why they are more concerned than anything!

I got engaged when I was 19 and we waited almost four years to get married.  I am so glad we did!    I think as long as you don't rush in and pick a date right away, they will be more relaxed with the situation when the wedding happens.  But, no matter what, their past relationships are what they are and some people are eternal optimists, no matter what!!  Please tell them asap-you will feel better!!

Enjoy your engagement!    PS:  My DH and I have been married for 26 years, very happy, no affairs, never  lived  apart, etc.  So, not everyone gets divorced! 

AmusingBride

I totally understand. I felt like I had to call my mom first but by the end of the conversation I told her I was going to call someone who would actually be happy for me. You have to tell them though, especially before they find out from someone else.
edited - i'm having a hard time remembering *fiance* and not *boyfriend* too. He came by my job to drop off lunch and a coworker came out and said, "Your fiance is here" I looked around and didn't realize she was talking to me. Oh yeah, I have one of those!

altairarcturus

I was in a very similar boat.  I should mention here that my mom is divorced and very jaded/cynical and that this rubbed off on my sister and myself.  I was never the marrying kind and neither was my sister; I wasn't even the dating kind.

On with the tale...My significant other and I met in college, we were both 19.  I was living at home at the time and so was he, but he was having some problems with the parents and decided he needed to move out.  So we moved into together because it's the only way either of us could afford to live away from home; we had known each other for about a year and been "dating" for about 6 months of that. 

My mom had a fit, she cried and told me how big of a mistake this was and how horrible men are.  Around the same time as moving in, we had talked about getting married and decided to be "engaged".  I was terrified to tell my mom...so I told my sister.  She cried and told me how disappointed she was which scared me even more.  So I decided that until I could stand up to them, I wasn't ready to get married.  More than that, I couldn't stand the thought of my family being so unhappy on a supposedly very happy day in my life if I had gone ahead at that time.

Years have gone by.  We've lived together for about 5 years, own a house together and have now decided to get married...I guess I decided the time was right.  We had planned a trip to Hawaii and I suggested we just get married while we're there.

Even after 5 long years and my significant other becoming like a son to my mom, I was terrified to tell her.  So I just spit it out..."We're getting married".  I believe the response was a very perplexed "what...are you two even engaged...I thought you weren't the marrying type?"  Suprisingly, she's thrilled, she's paying for and planning the party that will happen later, helped with a dress, etc...

I guess the moral is, you have to be be confident in your decisions and do what is right for you.  Also, realize that while the concern of others may seem out of line to you, there may be a good reason for it.  For me, time was the answer.  Over the last 5 years, my significant other and I have gone through a lot and we've chosen to stick together and build a life.  That makes getting married a logical step for us rather than the leap it seemed like many years ago.  Time has also calmed my families nerves and they're happy for us.

Good Luck!