Just Engaged and Proposals

haven't told anyone yet: selfish or smart? Help!

So my fiance and I live together and are planning our special day for 3-5 years due to us both being full time students.
My Mother knows we live together and that things are serious, just not how serious they are. My Mom is like my best friend but I'm terrified of dissapointing her because 1) she has yet to meet my FI due to the 1300 mile distance for my schooling and 2) my older sister got knocked up by her loser boyfriend and my mom is on meltdown mode. 
I feel bad everytime we talk and I don't tell her but especially when I look at the ring on my finger. She's supportive of everything I do but I feel like with all the nonsense my sister has created her reaction would be less than pleasant.
I'm the baby daughter and have lived in my sister's shadow but I worry that instead of a happy, excited feeling I will recieve a "I can't believe you" kinda thing.

What do I do?? :(

Re: haven't told anyone yet: selfish or smart? Help!

  • In Response to Re: haven't told anyone yet: selfish or smart? Help!:
    Tell her that you are in love and engaged, and that because you're still young and in college you are planning a long engagement of 3-5 years.  Tell her that you can't wait for her to meet your fiance. Don't you think, in light of your sister's situation, your mother would approve of your doing things in the traditional order and without rushing into marriage?
    Posted by LucyHC
    This.
  • Please tell her now rather then later. You have a ring and you not saying anything seems to be bothering you.
  • Thank you guys!
    I will call her this afternoon and tell her. He's a great guy and my little brother's love him but my parents are a bit more traditional and my dad is a quite a few generations ahead of me so I didn't wanna give him a heartattack after my sister's drama :p

    Fingers crossed! :)
  • Tell her now.  It's only going to get harder if you wait.
  • It's best to be honest about these kind of things. You could alienate a lot of people by not sharing this big news.
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  • I agree with lucy too, your mother might be in need of some good news right now and whats better than her baby girl getting engaged. It might prompt her to come visit and then she could meet you FI too :). I think mentioning the long engagement would be a good idea also, just so she doesn't worry :)
  • In Response to Re: haven't told anyone yet: selfish or smart? Help!:
    Tell her that you are in love and engaged, and that because you're still young and in college you are planning a long engagement of 3-5 years.  Tell her that you can't wait for her to meet your fiance. Don't you think, in light of your sister's situation, your mother would approve of your doing things in the traditional order and without rushing into marriage?
    Posted by LucyHC
    this!
  • My mom met my husband a month before our wedding. 
    Just because she hasn't met your Fi doesn't mean that she won't be happy for you and love him when she gets to meet him. 
    Don't tell if you don't want to, but if she has been supportive throughout your life, I doubt this time will be any different.. and it seems like it's eating at you. 
    Rip the bandaid off. ;) 
  • Tell her.  It's not going to get easier or better by waiting.
  • Ditto, Lucy. You always find the right words. ;]
  • I agree.  Tell her as soon as possible!  I'm sure she will be happy to get some good news!

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  • You need to tell your family. You don't have to tell anyone else, but I really think you need to tell your family. My brother didn't tell us and was just about to elope when we found out. My parents were crushed and I am still having a hard time forgiving him two years later. (Although, my brother and his wife were not meant for each other and have now separated, but still...)
  • I vote to tell her, too. It can be very hurtful for others when you withhold this kind of information. And besides, your excitement will affect others reactions a great deal. The longer you wait, I would imagine it will be become more and more a source of stress and tension between your mom and you (even though she doesn't know yet) and the less excitment you will portray. This is a happy time for you and ultimately it's about you marrying the man of your dreams. Don't let everything else take away from that. Congrats by the way! :-)
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