I proposed....

yaauldgoat

Hello,  I am engaged with a few months.The problem is that after 7 years together I had to do a lot of convincing and eventually I asked him to marry me. As much as I love my guy he does not do romance so I gave up waiting for him to ask me. The problem is I feel terrible and have become cross and sad since we got engaged. I know I'm being unfair but I think like most people here I had high expectations for my proposal. I organized my ring through a friend so we didn't have that moment either. I understand some people are not romantic but is it really a lot to ask for a guy to go out of his way and do something romantic for the person he loves for just 1 day. I do talk to him about it and he has promised me he will do something special for me but months have passed...It's my birthday next week and he asked me to book a restaurant so no surprise then either ......  I though getting engaged would make me feel fantastic! Anyone else experience anything like this?

PandaBurr

Maybe he didn't propose because he didn't want to yet?

heyimbren

[QUOTE]Hello,  <strong>I am engaged with a few months</strong>.The problem is that after 7 years together<strong> I had to do a lot of convincing and eventually I asked him to marry me.</strong> As much as I love my guy he does not do romance so<strong> I gave up waiting for him to ask me</strong>. The problem is I feel terrible and have become cross and sad <strong>since we got engaged</strong>. <strong>I know I'm being unfair</strong> but I think like most people here I had high expectations for my proposal. I organized my ring through a friend so we didn't have that moment either. I understand some people are not romantic but is it really a lot to ask for a guy to go out of his way and do something romantic for the person he loves for just 1 day. I do talk to him about it and he has promised me he will do something special for me but months have passed...It's my birthday next week and he asked me to book a restaurant so no surprise then either ......  I though getting engaged would make me feel fantastic! Anyone else experience anything like this?
 Posted by <a href="http://community.theknot.com/cs/ks/user/default.aspx?membershipid=9836078956317623&plckUserId=9836078956317623" target="_blank" class="username_knot">yaauldgoat </a>[/QUOTE]

Yes, you're being unfair. I think it's kind of silly that you proposed so you're "engaged" but now you're waiting on him for a proposal.

There isn't anything wrong with you wanting a nice proposal from him, and there isn't anything wrong with you proposing to him. But if I was him I'd be kind of confused.

I agree with Panda as well, sounds like he wasn't ready to propose yet. And possibly still isn't. But if he said yes to your proposal then you're engaged.

I fail to see the problem, except for one you're creating.

meganb1977

I empathize with you that you want to be with him but you feel insecure because he isn't making the kind of romantic gesture you want.  My fiance is also the type to drag his feet rather than stepping up to the plate.  And I think it's normal to have a lot of anxiety/insecurity shortly after your engagement (I did).  If you've talked with him about wanting a romantic gesture and he understood you, there's not much more you can do, you're going to have to let him do it in his way and accept the person he is.

future-mrs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_proposed-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:a21fcee3-c167-47d8-92da-923da7fdef0fPost:f3959ada-7e80-4aab-8e32-f43cdc5d829e">Re: I proposed....</a>:
[QUOTE]If he is one way before you get engaged/married, chances are good that he will not change. If this bothers you, perhaps this is not the right person to spend the rest of your life with. Sorry, but I don't know what else to tell you.
Posted by artbyallie[/QUOTE]


I have to agree with this.  I think you need to take a giant step back and do some re-evaluating.  These are problems that a wedding won't fix.

anneogg87

I have to agree with the others that he will probably never be a romantic.  I don't think your expectations are too high, but it seems that this guy will never measure up to them.  Are you ok with that for the rest of your life?  I mean, most guys fall short of our expectations in one way or another, just as we do for them, but you have to learn to accept those shortcomings in the other person or change your own expectations.  It sounds like your fiance isn't and never will be a romantic.  I can understand that is disappointing, but you have to know if you can live the rest of your life knowing that any romance will have to come from you.  Just make sure it's the right guy for you.

megk8oz

If this is how he is, then this is how he is. After 7 years, you should be more than aware of what kind of person he is (Or isn't) and what you're getting yourself into for the rest of your life.

You proposed, he said yes. You're engaged. I don't really see the point in him "proposing" on his own at this point. 

If he wanted to make a big romantic gesture, he would have done so on his own. He didn't. Getting married does not change who a person is; so what you see now is what you're going to get.  You can either accept him for who he is and drop the issue entirely because you're happy with him anyway ... or you can accept him for who he is and move on with you're life because you're not happy with him. Either way: you need to accept the fact that he is who he is and that you aren't going to change that.

DodgersBride

I have to agree with PPs. I understand you want that great romantic gesture but if he truly wanted to do one he would on his own. You told him how you feel and hopefully he feels the same way. I do think you are being unfair in that you want him to propose to you even though you are already engaged.

jessienjeremy

My FI is no where near the romantic type.. his idea is romance is cleaning the kitchen.. .... honestly the only romantic thing he did was propose.. but that is just how he is and I accept it and love him despite of it.   If you love him and truly want to marry him.. then you have to accept it.  Dont keep bringing it up and dont nag him about it .. If he wants to do something for you.. he will.

HoodDiva11

I can understand your frustration in waiting so long. I am not engaged "technically" yet. However, my guy and I have looked at rings, looked at venues, and even chosen a date to get married. He has told me the same things-- that he will propose in a way that is perfect for me, and will leave me speechless. I have been waiting for months as well. Almost all of my friends are now engaged too. BUT I'm not SO ready to get married that I won't allow him the time to propose on his own. I am a planner by nature, so I love to have things "all taken care of" but this is something I can't control. Therefore, I have to wait!

I refuse to ruin my proposal by jumping the gun just to say that I'm engaged. We've been dating for 3 years, he knows a lot about me, so I TRUST him to propose in a way that I will never forget. Now I just have to be patient. I know that when it happens I will have a lot to do in order to prepare for the wedding. So for now I am enjoying being in a relationship with him.

I love him with all my heart. He def is the romance type BUT ONLY if he's allowed the freedom to do things HIS way. So let your guy sweep you off your feet! He may have had something special planned, which was side tracked b/c you proposed. Now that you're engaged-- he still may have SOME tricks up his sleeve! Let your honey breathe, and trust that he will know how to please/woo/romance you IF he knows you! Even if it's something small and not really "normally'' considered romance-- you have to give him credit for trying! Good luck to you honey!

AmandalovesAl

he's just not that into you if....he doesn't ask you to marry him.

redheadfsu

If you had to push him into the engagement, I don't think this will work out well. Take him as he is or leave.  I'm not trying to be harsh, just honest. You deserve someone that really makes you happy & wants to be with you. You need to re-evaluate big time. GL

xxhoneybunny

I think that you are having to high expectations from your guy, .. you should know him by now and you even sed he is not the romantic kinda guy,..so why would you push him into doing it YOUR WAY ?

I think every guy, that wants to be with a girl forever, will find his way sooner or later to propose to his WOMAN.. But the way HE wants it and the girl will LOVE it, cuz HE DID THE MOVE.

But you just was selfish in my eyes.sorry