Picking out your own engagement ring?

tinyphilosopher

Is it acceptable for the couple to pick out the bride-to-be's engagement ring together?  I know exactly the kind of ring I want and I know my boyfriend has no idea what to get me - and it would be so embarrassing for both of us for him to pick out a ring that I didn't like, go through the hassle of returning it, etc.  I know that personally, I'd rather have him propose and then pick out or order the ring together, but is that the norm these days?

Also - how would I suggest to my boyfriend that that's what I want without dropping too many hints?  It's hard to talk about engagement rings without feeling like I'm pressuring him into asking, even though we've talked about it plenty of times.  Subtlety is nice, though - so how do you lightly show him what it is you'd prefer?

achiduck

It's completely acceptable and a lot of couples do it now-a-days.

My FI and I picked out my ring together, but it was more my influence. We looked at a few and I picked two that I liked but I tried to make it clear that I really preferred one by gushing over it more and talking about it at home.

susanv85

My guy gave me a budget, and told me to pick out whatever I wanted in that price range. I found one I loved while walking past a store with my parents, called him, and he came and bought it. He really didn't care what it looked like, so long as I liked it. He actually doesn't even see the difference between them, to him, a diamond is a diamond.

HobokensFury

I picked out my ring and I'm glad I did. FI showed me the one he was going to get and I didn't like it at all.

fluttaby32

definitely acceptable. he can still surprise you with the proposal

mpaone24

My FI and I picked it out together.  We looked for 6 months because I kept changing my mind and he didn't really like anything I had picked out.  We wanted something we both liked.  We settled on a loose brilliant round diamond.  The jeweler placed it in a simple tiffany solitaire setting just so I can get an idea of how it would look on my finger.  My FI loved the solitaire look and so did I, even though I swore them off.  He had looked at another ring but chose the simple solitaire because to him its classic and he can always upgrade it if he wants to.

meganiobe

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_picking-out-own-engagement-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:a32c5983-3aad-4d30-891e-9265c052d699Post:203b7607-781b-49a8-bbf3-0d4452a1b57d">Re: Picking out your own engagement ring?</a>:
[QUOTE]I found the ring I wanted last summer and then looked it up online. For some reason I couldn't find it anywhere online and had to email the jewelry store to get information on it. I kept the response (complete with picture) in my email for a few months. Then my FI asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I forwarded him the email and sent him a picture of a Ferrari Enzo and said he could choose. My little sister saw him at the jewelry store right before Thanksgiving and ratted him out so I knew he had at least LOOKED at the ring. On Christmas morning he told me that I wasn't going to be getting what I really wanted but that it was coming sometime in 2011. He said that he wanted it to be a surprise and didn't feel like Christmas was the right time. Instead I got a scale model of the Enzo for Christmas and he proposed with the ring I chose in April. :)
Posted by MeganLindsay5685[/QUOTE]

This story is awesome :)

FI didn't have a clue where to start for me, so he asked me to go look with him. I picked out two and then he went and picked out which one he wanted to get for me. I didn't actually know when he bought it or when he planned to propse. I dont' think that there is anything wrong at all with you helping.

nboothe86

I picked out mine...I wasn't there when he bought it, didn't know when he bought it. But we did go in to the jewelry store I looked and tried on the I loved, and got exactly that. I don't think it's selfish to pick out the ring that you love.

maribeth721

of course! My FI and I picked out mine together. We were talking about getting married and during one of those conversations I subtly mentioned all these things I really was looking for (diamond cut, band style, etc) and that prompted him to ask me for ideas. I actually designed a ring online and he got the exact one i designed!

futuremrsgates

Totally acceptable! One of my friends' FI knew she was very picky, so he proposed with a "prop" ring - something simple and more symbolic from target or walmart (I think it cost him, like, $9) and then they went and picked out the REAL thing so she could get exactly what she wanted.

mandi921vh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_picking-out-own-engagement-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:a32c5983-3aad-4d30-891e-9265c052d699Post:cce0151b-5f74-4516-9f62-da52287bbdf8">Re: Picking out your own engagement ring?</a>:
[QUOTE]definitely acceptable. he can still surprise you with the proposal
Posted by fluttaby32[/QUOTE]

<div>This. I picked out the ring, and FI surprised me with the proposal.</div>

futuremrsgates

Me too! He hasn't proposed yet, but I know he bought the ring (my family can't keep a secret to save their lives!) However, I still have no idea when he's proposing and am so excited to be surprised. Only problem is now I'm on constant edge hehe!

thejucheidea

We got lucky -- my grandmother gave us her wedding ring back in May. I wasn't crazy fond of the design of it at the time, but the more I think about it, the more I love it because of the sentimental value. He took it from me as soon as we got home because he's getting it plated in platinum or palladium because neither of us like yellow gold. I'm still waiting for it back though .

Our original plan was for me to take one of our joint friends to a jewelry store and have her look around with me then go with him to choose something that was in line with what I seemed to like.

Grits8812

i picked mine out, he bought it that day. i knew he was gong to propose, so its not like he had to be sneaky about it. we just went to the store together and looked at them, and i just told him "this is the one i want".  then i went shopping while he actually bought it, so him proposing was at least at a suprise moment

soleildhiver

We picked out my ring together in July, he bought it in September and proposed in October. We looked at several jewellers and finally found a place that we both felt comfortable buying from. I wanted the setting from one ring (at the time it had a dark green stone in it) and the band from another so I didn't actually get to see the final product until it was on my finger. I think it's completely worth it because I am VERY picky with jewelry! you want to love the ring that's going to be on your finger forever, and you want to be excited when you look down at it, not disappointed!

meganb1977

Ditto that it's totally acceptable and this is what I did.  When my then-boyfriend and I were discussing it, third parties backed me up that if I was going to be wearing the ring for many years, I should be able to pick it out if I wanted (especially if he was going to get to pick out his wedding band when the time came) and that he could go back without me to actually make the purchase and surprise me when he actually proposed, and although he initially thought that was a little weird because it was really important to him to surprise me, he came around and agreed that I could pick my ring without knowing when it was coming.  We went to the jeweler together and selected the diamond and designed the setting.  I knew he put down the deposit the following week, but after that I wasn't sure when he would pick up the ring or when he would propose, although it turned out that he didn't sit on it for long :-)

As far as discussing it with him, I think the way you said it is fine, that you aren't expecting anything right now and you don't want to pressure him but before you were to get engaged you would like to have a chance to show him what kind of ring you want and then back off so he can surprise you when he gets the ring and gives it to you.

The jeweler where we went apparently deals with this all the time and writes down all the details for the engagement ring and saves it in their file to refer to when the guy comes back.

ski2play

Ditto on the helping to pick it out.

FI took me shopping so I could educate him on what I wanted.  I picked out what I wanted and when we went back to pick it up, he got down on one knee right then and there and asked....totally surprised me!

pockysquirrel

I did a lot of hint-dropping and pointing out of rings that I strongly liked or disliked when FI and I first started discussing engagement. But what ultimately ended up happening was that he enlisted my mom to coax me into some jewelry stores and pick out a few favorites. She then forwarded the rings I liked to him, and he ended up picking one of them! I didn't have a clue what was going on behind the scenes until after he proposed!

Kristenlaurenn

My FI and I picked out my setting together, we went to our jeweler several times and i always kept changing my mind on what I liked. I finally decided on a simple micro pave setting that is timeless. I wanted to make sure it is a ring that I would love forever that's the main reason I wanted to pick it out. Once he knew what I wanted he had the choice when to go and get it, I told him that k wanted him to pick the diamond. Months later he proposed and I couldn't be happier!

desertmomnm

My husband completely surprised me when he proposed.  Then we picked out the ring together.  We had never talked about engagement or rings, so he would have had no idea on what I liked.  Still, I would have preferred him to propose with a ring.  I also found out pretty quickly that he liked solitaires best so that's what we got even though I had always liked rings with little side diamonds.  I didn't feel I could speak up.  I think it's sad though that you say it would be "embarrassing" if he got a ring you didn't like.  I think I would have loved whatever he chose. 

firsttimersluck

We picked out my ring together. He had set up the appointment with Tiffanys and when we got there she was all set up with the rings to show us. He knew the style I wanted and all, so that's what she was showing us, but we picked the diamond out together. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. 

Ashelton09

I helped my fiance pick out my engagment ring too! I'm really glad I did because it's exactly what I wanted and I don't think my fiance would have known if I didn't help him!

tldh

DH said that because this was a ring I'd wear for the rest of my life, he wanted it to be exactly what I wanted.  He gave a jeweler a budget and then told me to work with the jeweler to design the ring I wanted.  I didn't get to see the final product until he proposed though.

Carson386

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_picking-out-own-engagement-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:a32c5983-3aad-4d30-891e-9265c052d699Post:cce0151b-5f74-4516-9f62-da52287bbdf8">Re: Picking out your own engagement ring?</a>:
[QUOTE]definitely acceptable. he can still surprise you with the proposal
Posted by fluttaby32[/QUOTE]

That's exactly what my fiance did!! We went and looked at rings, I picked it out. he had asked them not to mention the date it would be in (from resizing). Well they did anyways. So I didn't expect it for at least 3 weeks. Turns out it came in early and he proposed :)

Zimsgirl

I picked out mine. FI came with and let me look at whatever I wanted

aeroprincess87

I see nothing wrong with helping to pick out your ring. You have to wear if for the rest of your life so you should like it. If I were you I'd just casually bring up the topic if he says anything engagement related in the future, even if he's just joking. I mean for me personally I don't want to pick out my ring, but then again my boyfriend knows what I love in jewelry.

jemmini6

H and I picked out my ring together.  He always knew I was a 'solitaire' kind of girl, but we had no idea what size stone would look good, so we went together to try on a few different sizes.  He came back later by himself to buy the ring, so I didn't know when he had it or when he would propose.  It was still very special even though I knew what the ring looked like.

lindzlou1992

I don't see anything wrong with it, my boyfriend and I looked to get ideas online, so I could show him what I liked. Even though I wasn't with him when he found my ring, he called me and I went to go meet him so he could get my approval, because he knows I am very picky about everything I put on! 

quitaevette

I honestly think there is nothing wrong with picking out your wedding ring!! Have fun and make a day of it! Besides, you're the one that has to wear it! Better yet, maybe have your girlfriend pick his brain or give him some ideas "in case he's wondering" what to get you.

I love the element of surprise, but you also don't want to be upset and embarass him either!

Follow http://evette-dearlybeloved.blogspot.com for great wedding ideas!

Sydney91

My fiance proposed after looking at erings, but brought me to the jewelry store to try them on. I wanted him to pick one, so he gave me a choice of a few and I ended up picking the one he would've bought anyway. It was a lot of fun getting his opinion and trying them on with him.

I would talk to him openly about how you've always wanted the experience of choosing such an important item with him. Or tell him what you love so he can pick it out. If you have already talked about it, then it should be fine to bring it up without the need for subtlety 

erinandpete2013

I have to say the ring, groom, and dress have the same connection, the minute I met my bf I knew he was the one, we have been dating for almost three years and I know the question is coming this month! It did bother me at first that I wanted to be apart of the process, but I have to say I got to witness his reactions and thoughts througout the entire process as we looked at rings. I would like one a lot, then think about it when we got home, it wasn't till the third store and probably the 200th ring that I literally fell in love all over again, we had it narrowed down to five wedding sets and both agreed on the final decision. We like to do things as a couple. I hope that when I go wedding dress shopping I will have that falling in love feeling as well. The proposal is a complete suprise, as I will also keep the dress a suprise. I always said I'm keeping the ring I'm proposed to  with unchanged and not upgraded, so I wanted to make sure itwas perfect. Have fun!