Picking Out Everything

kolendamm

I'm recently engaged and already feeling overwhelmed!  We haven't set an exact date yet so I shouldn't be entirely worried, but how do you pick everything out?  Haha!  How do you know you picked the perfect date, how do you know you picked the perfect color schemes and theme?  How do you know?!  I thought I had everything in my head that I wanted before he proposed, but now that he has, I'm clueless!  Any suggestions on how I can successfully pick everything out?!

impslave

First, congrats!

Second, don't try to make everything "perfect."  You'll only be setting yourself up for disappointment, because things won't go perfectly.

Before you pick out anything, you and your FI need to determine a budget for your wedding.  When you have that set, then you can pick your date to give yourselves the time you need to save up for the expenses.  You and FI can work together on colors and theme, be sure to get his input.

Good luck!

LoveMuffins

Congratulations!!!

Like Imp said, don't worry about perfect, just have fun with it! Also... things will change. Within the first 24 hours of being engaged my FI and I had agreed that we wanted a Spring 2012 wedding and a cherry blossom theme - browns and greens with pink accents.

That has now turned into a September 2011 wedding with fall colors. Basically what happened was that when we announced to our family that we wanted Spring 2012 the grandparent's (and my parents) rebelled. My mom wanted it much sooner (she was all for spring 2011) and, although she would've acquiesed if we'd insisted, since she's paying for it I wanted to have her opinion. And our grandparents, esp FI's who are in the 90's, are apparently worried they might not be around for the event if it was too far in the future. Then we realized that Fall is actually more meaningful for us anyway... we met in the fall, we became officially boyfriend and girlfriend in the fall, and he proposed in the fall. So we decided that a fall wedding would be kind of fantastic.

That, of course, led to a theme change, and now we're having dark green as our main color with bright fall red, yellow and orange accents.

Also, don't get too attached to a specific date right away, esp the sooner it is. The very first place we called to check out as a reception venue didn't have the date we'd picked available! They did, however, have the weekend before. To me, the first two things you need to figure out are date and budget (which also means approx. number of people), and everything will start falling into place from there.

If you feel too overwhelmed, check out theknot's wedding organizer - or go buy one (I work better with writing than having stuff online, so I bought one at Barnes & Noble).

And, also, post any questions on the board! The answers are often quite blunt, but usually helpful.

redheadfsu

First sit down and talk to your FI. One good way of doing it is telling each other the three most important things at your wedding. (i.e. a large guest list or a small one, location, food, time of year, formal, backyard causal). Explain why those are important. Remember the wedding is about both of you.

Then discuss budget. What can you & your FI afford? Remember never ask anyone to pay for your wedding. (If they offer great, but don't ask) Remember the tradition of your parents paying is long gone.

Then discuss the month & year you think will work for you.

Don't focus on "perfect." Nothing is perfect.

jagore08

Congratulations!

Here's what I did and it saved me a ton of stress...

I decided on a date that would be easy for me to travel for (I am in nursing school and couldn't miss more than one day per semester) because our wedding was in FL and we live in CA.  Once that was done we found a venue that was both for our ceremony and reception.  I found my dress and the store that sold the dress also has a DJ company so I booked them.  Then I took about a 4 month break (engagement was a little over a year).  I book our photographer who recommended our officiant and florist.  Favors were purchased through the M&M company already individually boxed and ready to go.  That was it.  Easy peasy.  I didn't sweat the small stuff because it wasn't detrimental to me and DH getting married.

Oh, and our color scheme was decided by looking at different flower arrangements to see what colors I liked together (our wedding was outdoors and I wanted everything to have a natural feel).

vstu12

I started browsing venues in my city and it was easy to eliminate places (mostly due to cost). Once we decided on a venue, we picked a date that would work for our schedules and our families. Everything else seemed to fall into place after that. Also, we focused on one thing at a time and didn't rush into decisions. Start looking around different websites for ideas and make a guest list! Determining the number of guests you want will help you choose a venue and figure out the budget. Good luck and happy planning!

colstj

Try not to stress about things. Because you are marrying your best friends everything will work out the way it is supposed to and will be perfect in your eyes.  Enjoy the planning process.. Start by choosing a date between the two of you and then go from there.  We chose a date chose our church and are about to reserve our reception hall. When I don't feel like doing huge things thats when I start to think about songs we'd like to have played or look online at dresses.

and as for choosing colors or flowers, choose what makes you happy and what your fiance would also be ok with.

and don't forget to have fun!!

ajmarimba

Congrats on your engagement!!!

Nothing is ever going to be perfect or set in stone.  So don't stress so much yet.  Enjoy being engaged!  The craziness will start soon enough.

You have to think about what's most reflective of you and your fiance's wishes.  Talk with him about when you would want it...that will help the color scheme and flower choice, but it's not a deal breaker.  (For example...my wedding is in 11 days, but our centerpieces have cherryblossoms in it).  I don't care if people think it's weird...it's what we wanted.  Budget is first...then venue and/or church.   Once you book that stuff, the smaller stuff will fall into place.  I went and did photograpy and flowers next. 

For whatever my two cents are worth, just enjoy this time with your fiance and don't sweat the details.  You are celebrating your love with each other, so it'll be perfect for you because of the act itself (not which shade of blue to choose). 

Congratulations to you both!  And all the best!

kmgavin1

Congratulations to you both!  Its such a wonderful time. 

When we first got engaged this October, we were so overwhelmed with trying to pick stuff out, with suggestions from everyone while trying to enjoy out engagement.  I would say, enjoy the engagement for a month - unless you want to get married within a year.

I've learned the most important thing to keep in mind is the day is about you and your fiancee.  Its nice to take advice from recent brides, but keep in mind that if you want to do something that will make a member of your family uncomfortable or upset - remember its your day.  I'm not saying do stuff on purpose to make them upset.  Everyone is going to have input (especially the mothers).  This is a difficult one.  If they make a suggestion, talk it over with your fiancee and see how much it would effect how you feel on your day.  Remember, you're a team.  If your mother wants something that you could care less about, but it affects your fiancee negatively, then compromise with both. 

Other than that - a good timeline I was given was to set your budget, look at venues that comply with that budget - because you could look at a venue that costs you 10k over what you are willing to spend and of COURSE you'll want that venue.  The same goes for dresses.  Only look at dresses within your price range because you'll want the one that is $18,000 but your budget can only accommodate an $1800 dress.  You'll leave the store heartbroken.  Make sure you tell your sales person what you're willing to spend - a good one will ask.  Also, deduct the appropriate amount of money from the budget of your dress to go toward alterations, accessories, etc.  You don't want to max out on your dress then find out that you need to spend $500 more on alterations. 

Other than that, enjoy it.  Enjoy the time with your fiancee.  Have fun.  Make the most of it.  You will fight over budgets and guest lists and petty things,  but keep in mind that this is your partner for the rest of your life.  Some parts should be stressful but you want to look back and remember how much fun you had planning it.

Good luck!!